I Hate Panic

Arrrrrrrggggggggggg. I tried to go to church today, got there and by the time the message came, I couldn't listen because it was taking all my effort not to panic. I was so close to one, my vision kept nearly going. It so sucks because I freaked out my brother and my mate because they had never seen me like that. I couldn't reply to them when they were trying to talk to me because if I did that would of been it, I would of had a Panic attack. I was using every technique I have to help me but none was working. I hated freaking them out like that but I couldn't help it. I hate myself for being like this, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Why have I been burdened like this, God I'm only 17 I'm too young for all these burdens that I feel like I'm about to break fully. I have physical problems with my joints and mental problems. I hate you God, why. Why do i have to live like this everyday, why is it when I try to go to church to get involvd in your word and fellowship I can't. Why God, why?