I believed in Jesus as far back as I can remember.
I came to understand Him much deeper at age twelve.
Deeper still at age 14 and understanding more about Him being my Saviour and dying for my sins on the cross and rising from the dead 3 days later.
At age 19 I began to actively seek Him in prayer(more than the simple prayers earlier) and trusted Him fully as my Saviour and Lord.I began attending church.I asked Jesus to help me understand the bible which was very confusing to me.I also determined to get to know Him deeply by spending much time in private prayer late at night.Jesus was leading me more and more deeply.The bible became so alive to me and I began to understand it so much better.The deep knowledge that Jesus blood cleansed me from all sin was very real to me(it was before but now much more so).At first when I went to church and they sang about the Lamb of God upon the throne I used to ask Jesus to forgive me ,because I was not used to hearing Jesus described this way and I accidentally would picture a big fluffy lamb.I knew they were singing about Jesus but I had to get used to hearing Him as the Lamb of God,in other words our sacrifice for our sins.This is how limited my understanding was at first.But with much time in prayer I got to know Jesus.
However in many many ways I had so much more to learn.
Because I always had some understanding of Jesus,
I prayed about many things.
I had some prayers answered .
Very occasionally as a child my parents went to church,very occasionally.
My mom taught us about Jesus sometimes at home,occasionally and taught us to pray simple prayers.Despite our home life being filled with chaos and abuse and my parents fighting etc.
My mom had a faith she passed on to us thankfully.
So I always had some knowledge and understanding of Jesus
and it grew with time.My mom started getting closer to God again in her older years ,as she said she had got much more distant from God at times, because of the chaos of her life.
She always however held onto her faith.
Since I had such little example of putting Jesus first and because of my sinful nature,
when hard times came I backslid.
Never lost my faith,just did not put Jesus first,which led to more backsliding and heart ache.
I also never trusted Jesus with my hurts, my heart, and so was looking in the wrong places for healing and love.
I always new Jesus was my Saviour and wanted Him to be my Lord but was not able to fulfill this part easily.
I was not entirely surrendering all.
I was not entirely trusting Jesus to make me bear fruit.
I was not entirely abiding in Jesus.
When hurts and chaos came I went more to despair and hurt and less to Jesus.
I was still saved, but needed to grow and mature in Jesus.
This always takes time abiding in Jesus and reading the bible always.
I had slipped to not doing this much and so I got weak instead of nourished.
Through out all this time I gave my heart to Jesus many times , struggled and fell and kept getting up and coming back.
I was very weak.
I kept giving my heart to Jesus which is okay to Jesus even though He heard me the first time.
So when did I first say the sinners prayer so to speak ,not sure,10 or 12 or 14 maybe.I have a troubled past and hard to rememeber.
What I do know and remember is that I always believed In Jesus and somewhere young began to understand He is my Saviour.
I do know I have given my heart to Him many times and rededicated myself to Him each time I slipped and fell.
However God was and is able to make me stand.
Though I have fallen Jesus has never let me go.
He has restored me.
Religious ocd had tried to make me think I had fallen too much and Jesus would never forgive me all my mistakes and slips.
That I had fallen too much, and was hopeless.But this is not true.
My righteousness is of God, not myself.
I am maturing and determined to abide in Jesus and trust Jesus to make me bear fruit.
I can do nothing of myself.
Jesus makes me grow,
Jesus makes my heart soft,
Jesus forgives me
Jesus washes away all my sin
Jesus is my Saviour
Jesus is My Lord
Jesus leads me to Still Waters
Jesus leads me to Him
Jesus will never cast me out
Jesus restores my soul
Jesus never fails
none shall snatch me from His hand
and I shall never perish
I have much growing and learning to do and much healing.
I will always have much learning and growing and healing to do.
My memory is poor of the past due to much suffering and abuse and illness
I was given to Jesus by Father God from the foundation of the world.
This is why I came to Jesus
and I will never be cast out.
Jesus took me out of the miry pit and set my feet upon a Rock.
Jesus set me at liberty when I was so bruised.He healed my broken heart and delivered me from terror.Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive all glory and honour and praise.
John 1
12But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
13Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
John 6:37
All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
I came to understand Him much deeper at age twelve.
Deeper still at age 14 and understanding more about Him being my Saviour and dying for my sins on the cross and rising from the dead 3 days later.
At age 19 I began to actively seek Him in prayer(more than the simple prayers earlier) and trusted Him fully as my Saviour and Lord.I began attending church.I asked Jesus to help me understand the bible which was very confusing to me.I also determined to get to know Him deeply by spending much time in private prayer late at night.Jesus was leading me more and more deeply.The bible became so alive to me and I began to understand it so much better.The deep knowledge that Jesus blood cleansed me from all sin was very real to me(it was before but now much more so).At first when I went to church and they sang about the Lamb of God upon the throne I used to ask Jesus to forgive me ,because I was not used to hearing Jesus described this way and I accidentally would picture a big fluffy lamb.I knew they were singing about Jesus but I had to get used to hearing Him as the Lamb of God,in other words our sacrifice for our sins.This is how limited my understanding was at first.But with much time in prayer I got to know Jesus.
However in many many ways I had so much more to learn.
Because I always had some understanding of Jesus,
I prayed about many things.
I had some prayers answered .
Very occasionally as a child my parents went to church,very occasionally.
My mom taught us about Jesus sometimes at home,occasionally and taught us to pray simple prayers.Despite our home life being filled with chaos and abuse and my parents fighting etc.
My mom had a faith she passed on to us thankfully.
So I always had some knowledge and understanding of Jesus
and it grew with time.My mom started getting closer to God again in her older years ,as she said she had got much more distant from God at times, because of the chaos of her life.
She always however held onto her faith.
Since I had such little example of putting Jesus first and because of my sinful nature,
when hard times came I backslid.
Never lost my faith,just did not put Jesus first,which led to more backsliding and heart ache.
I also never trusted Jesus with my hurts, my heart, and so was looking in the wrong places for healing and love.
I always new Jesus was my Saviour and wanted Him to be my Lord but was not able to fulfill this part easily.
I was not entirely surrendering all.
I was not entirely trusting Jesus to make me bear fruit.
I was not entirely abiding in Jesus.
When hurts and chaos came I went more to despair and hurt and less to Jesus.
I was still saved, but needed to grow and mature in Jesus.
This always takes time abiding in Jesus and reading the bible always.
I had slipped to not doing this much and so I got weak instead of nourished.
Through out all this time I gave my heart to Jesus many times , struggled and fell and kept getting up and coming back.
I was very weak.
I kept giving my heart to Jesus which is okay to Jesus even though He heard me the first time.
So when did I first say the sinners prayer so to speak ,not sure,10 or 12 or 14 maybe.I have a troubled past and hard to rememeber.
What I do know and remember is that I always believed In Jesus and somewhere young began to understand He is my Saviour.
I do know I have given my heart to Him many times and rededicated myself to Him each time I slipped and fell.
However God was and is able to make me stand.
Though I have fallen Jesus has never let me go.
He has restored me.
Religious ocd had tried to make me think I had fallen too much and Jesus would never forgive me all my mistakes and slips.
That I had fallen too much, and was hopeless.But this is not true.
My righteousness is of God, not myself.
I am maturing and determined to abide in Jesus and trust Jesus to make me bear fruit.
I can do nothing of myself.
Jesus makes me grow,
Jesus makes my heart soft,
Jesus forgives me
Jesus washes away all my sin
Jesus is my Saviour
Jesus is My Lord
Jesus leads me to Still Waters
Jesus leads me to Him
Jesus will never cast me out
Jesus restores my soul
Jesus never fails
none shall snatch me from His hand
and I shall never perish
I have much growing and learning to do and much healing.
I will always have much learning and growing and healing to do.
My memory is poor of the past due to much suffering and abuse and illness
I was given to Jesus by Father God from the foundation of the world.
This is why I came to Jesus
and I will never be cast out.
Jesus took me out of the miry pit and set my feet upon a Rock.
Jesus set me at liberty when I was so bruised.He healed my broken heart and delivered me from terror.Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive all glory and honour and praise.
John 1
12But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
13Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
John 6:37
All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
