Often in my marriage I feel wrong.... because we don't compliment eachother... we serve to tear eachother down with our personality differences.... not that we can't strive to communicate love to eachother, but because of our differences we NATURALLY do not feel affirmed...
I always feel like my husband doesn't like me, regardless of what he says... he thinks it's a self esteem thing but you know, it really isn't. Like I said it's because of our personality differences.
When I talk to him about things that I care about and he shows little interest or even annoyance for example.. or he can't relate... then I feel wrong. That is one example. The fact that I feel hurt by his actions... and he accuses me of being so sensitive.. well maybe, but I cannot deny who I am anymore.
I once was in a toxic friendship in which I continually felt offended, and angry and just well not treated well. And when I began to complain about it she never took responsibility for anything, but somehow I ended up just being wrong... meaning having something wrong with me for feeling the way I did. Eventually over years and with God's grace I began to see that it was a toxic friendship... for both of us. But if you are in a relationship with someone who just cannot admit their wrong... then it's not a healthy relationship. If you feel wrong all the time.. or the other person does, then it's not healthy.
I often feel that way with my husband, wheras if i was with someone who appreciated who I am then I wouldn't feel that way all the time. And vise versa, I know my husband feels that way with me. We clash and tear eachother down in our differences rather then lift eachother up.
When I was pouring my heart out to him the other day he told me he wanted a divorce... I felt very hurt and rejected... then he said with tears that he didn't really want a divorce, but thought it would probably be best.... because he isn't ever going to change and he wants peace and for both of us to be happy. And I told him that I disagreed... that it shows a lack of love for someone if you would rather divorce the person then make adjustments. That it was selfishness and selfishness is the opposite of God's will for us.
Sometimes people do get weary.... but we are who are. I am who I am. I can go to God with "who I am" and seek his will and ask for grace to change if that's what he wants.... but I/we can only do so much in ourselves and really nothing without God's grace. I refuse to do anything without God's grace... when it becomes all about my works and my strength... then it won't last... and I am not willing to excert the energy into changing something that just cannot be changed with out God's grace.
Until then I am who I am. Love me or not, accept me or not. The important thing is that God is for me, that he loves me and that I am confident in myself. I cannot deny who I am unless the lord leads me to and gives me the grace to.
HB
I always feel like my husband doesn't like me, regardless of what he says... he thinks it's a self esteem thing but you know, it really isn't. Like I said it's because of our personality differences.
When I talk to him about things that I care about and he shows little interest or even annoyance for example.. or he can't relate... then I feel wrong. That is one example. The fact that I feel hurt by his actions... and he accuses me of being so sensitive.. well maybe, but I cannot deny who I am anymore.
I once was in a toxic friendship in which I continually felt offended, and angry and just well not treated well. And when I began to complain about it she never took responsibility for anything, but somehow I ended up just being wrong... meaning having something wrong with me for feeling the way I did. Eventually over years and with God's grace I began to see that it was a toxic friendship... for both of us. But if you are in a relationship with someone who just cannot admit their wrong... then it's not a healthy relationship. If you feel wrong all the time.. or the other person does, then it's not healthy.
I often feel that way with my husband, wheras if i was with someone who appreciated who I am then I wouldn't feel that way all the time. And vise versa, I know my husband feels that way with me. We clash and tear eachother down in our differences rather then lift eachother up.
When I was pouring my heart out to him the other day he told me he wanted a divorce... I felt very hurt and rejected... then he said with tears that he didn't really want a divorce, but thought it would probably be best.... because he isn't ever going to change and he wants peace and for both of us to be happy. And I told him that I disagreed... that it shows a lack of love for someone if you would rather divorce the person then make adjustments. That it was selfishness and selfishness is the opposite of God's will for us.
Sometimes people do get weary.... but we are who are. I am who I am. I can go to God with "who I am" and seek his will and ask for grace to change if that's what he wants.... but I/we can only do so much in ourselves and really nothing without God's grace. I refuse to do anything without God's grace... when it becomes all about my works and my strength... then it won't last... and I am not willing to excert the energy into changing something that just cannot be changed with out God's grace.
Until then I am who I am. Love me or not, accept me or not. The important thing is that God is for me, that he loves me and that I am confident in myself. I cannot deny who I am unless the lord leads me to and gives me the grace to.
HB
