I grew up in an average home and was raised as a christian. As a child I never really liked the other kids at my sunday school, they were all snoty and whiney. I remember a lady was selling Mary kay and doing her shows with people from our church, The children of all the parents were told to go to the basement. The lady having the makeup party's son was named Gabriel. Immediately he started bossing all of us other kids around. When someone didnt listen to him he would throw toys at them. I stood up and punched him as hard as a 4 year old could punch a 6 yr old. He went out crying and sobing to his mother and all the kids told her he was picking on them and bossing them around and I was the hero. The lady told everyone at church that I was clearly a devil child and every sunday I would hate going to church, as parents told their kids to stay away from me and they would pick on me. A few years later my father died of cancer, the sunday school teacher knew and told me jesus was my father now. I remember thinking jesus wasnt going to take me to the woods to play, or take me camping. Jesus wasnt going to take the boat out and let me swim with scuba gear that mom says im not suppose to have. so I ask her how can jesus be my father if he isn't here?
Over time through my youth I became very disconnected with the church, I started seeing flaws with it. Perhaps I was looking for flaws where there was none. Looking back today I can see what was going on outside my 4-13 year old world/mindset. none the less it does not change what happened thereafter.
A friend of mine from my neighborhood lost her mother and was forced to live with her dad in a near by town called Laurel, md. one day I went to vist her and she took me to this store called "The Crystal fox". The store had lots of books and candels, swords, and crystals. I noticed all the books on the shelf were about witchcraft and paganism. She told me This place was so awesome because she loved the smell of the incense. I bought her some because she loved them so much and I also got a book called "Teen Witchcraft: By, silver raven wolf." I fliped through the pages as if it were the gospel. I started practicing witchcraft exclusively. My mother was appauled though something told her let me do it. I was pretty good at magick actually. I was able to make it rain, I would heal scars instantly, I learned how to use herbs, and even called spirits. I was known very well in my school at being excellent with the tarot, and oddly enough no one considered me gothic or the "unpopular" wierd kid. As I grew with this faith I learned many many things. When I was of age I moved here to Buffalo, ny. where I shocked many at my local chapter of Ordo Templi Orientis as well as mediums at Lilly Dale Assembly with a unique ability to summon spirits and heal certain injuries. The chairmen was surprised with how much I knew about Maddam Blavatsky with out even being a member or looking through their library.
I say this not to brag it is all true however the story goes on. At the age of 21 I had a meditation the Egyptian goddess Hathor came to me. She spoke to me at first in a language I found out was ancient Turkish. Word for word I was able to translate it later. In the meditation Hathor asked me to if I truely wanted to know the mysteries of the universe, and asked If I thought I was truely prepared. Snakes crawled all over my body and I had this feeling of euphoria I thought was love. The snakes merged together into a cobra that danced in front of me. Hathor stood behind it and said she will give me the bite of Kefer (pronounced Ke-far). the meditation went on for days and when I left it I was blind and dizzy. I started knowing spirits around people, and could call strangers over by their name. I just "knew" who they were. I often meditated with various spirits one in particular came to me often his name was Thoth.
I would ask thoth many many questions of which in my meditations I noticed he became very annoyed with, or shun the question altogether. Mostly he would ignore questions that pertained to the bible or how the pyramids were built. One question I asked was to show me what ancient egypt looked like. He told me he could not turn back the sands of time nor reveal such an image. I replied with "surely you have a way to describe it." he could not. I was dissopinted and had to leave. In a later meditation the goddess Bast (one of the hathors, there's 7 of them) came to me and said: "I will send you a cat, she is to protect you and you must take care of her as she is my child." Sure enough the next day I found a cat wondering the streets in 3 feet of snow, her name is hazel. I couldn't bear to let her stay out there while it's so cold and harsh.
Over time my meditations continued with mostly Thoth, until one. I started questioning these gods. something kept telling me to beware of them, somehow it was like a voice that wouldn't go away. I asked the goddess Bast to come to me and when she did I asked her to show her true self to me. Like a cat she hissed and said This is my true self. I noticed her "image" distorted as if fazing into something else. I asked "let me see who you really are. she left and the god Thoth came and asked me, why do I want to see Bast any different. I asked thoth to show his true self to me. It was like talking to politicians when they want to avoid a controversial issue, they just dodged the question over and over. I asked in the meditation for my Guardian angel to come to me, perhaps he/she could bring clarity. Micheal came and with his sword he eliminated the gods and told me not to do these meditations again.
A year later something happened I don't know what but I think my view of the world matured. I noticed the people in the new age world in a different way. These weren't people who were as well informed as they thought. I could see these were people not looking for a religion or answers or much of anything except escape from reality. They wanted to believe in something they could connect to by brain washing themselves. I relized that where I learned new age mysticsm was largely from my own meditations and experiments... But all the others were learning it from brainwashing themselves. In the rise of obama as president I've seen the new age community in awe of his charisma though largely I disagreed with his actions. Telling people he was doing very bad things and making the wrong deals and policies, suddenly I became an evil christian bigot. I left the Ordo Templi Orientis not so much for differences in politics, but because I could see what this was all about for myself. It was about sheeps and wolves, and to many content themselves on letting others think for themselves.
For the past three years I took time away from new age idealism. I studied different things like history, economics, philosophy, science. If it was on google I studied it to the point where I feel I could argue with experts on any topic. I started a small investment firm, and am pretty good at it which surprised me most. I started school for nursing, and somehow managed to travel often.
One day I came accross a video on youtube about Islam in england. The video showed Bombs going off in the street in the name of Allah - It showed a paralel legal system where the islamic council would sanction a woman to be abused by her husband, as well as other things that are illegal in the uk - It showed other parts of europe with so much of the same problems. I watched many other videos and noticed the peaceful muslims are not exactly protesting the extremist. The comments on some of these videos appauled me when they were talking about "how christians are just as bad" or other smart a$$ remarks about christian bigotry. Not being particularly christian at the time I found my self standing up for Christianity. yet more and more no matter where I went I relized people weren't just typeing random things on the internet, they actually hated christians in real life. In school they would write essays about how christians are such bigots for this thing or that thing. What else my proffessors would give them an "A" even if they didn't have a valid argument or proper spelling in their essay's. I found this disturbing, because as a student at a college I tend to do alot of research for all my papers. I do alot of research even with out being a student just for personal interest anyway. Regardless I thought it was unprofessional of that teacher to give student an "A" just because they were anti-christian. When I reported him to the school board I was even more surprised I had to retake that class because he kept giving me "D's" yet he could never tell me why.
I started reading the bible, and watched some videos on youtube. I relize now who Jesus really was. I learned what the bible had to say about witchcraft and demons posing as angels of the light. I understand perfectly well, possibly in some ways more then most christians, what the bible means about this. I relized I am a person who is very good at anything he does even when it is evil. and I relize my heart is heavy. The mysteries of the universe is unknowable, and alot of it is over rated. I don't want to know satan anymore, but I will say thanks for the cat. I also relized as soon as I turned my back to new age"ism" the whole world seemed to turn it's back on me in everything I prided myself in.
I'm 26 years old and re learning Christianity, perhaps learning it for the first time. I hav'nt accepted Jesus in my heart yet, because I want it to actually mean something. I'll be reading and studying everything I can until then. I would be much obliged if others would be willing to teach. This is my story I hope you liked it.
Over time through my youth I became very disconnected with the church, I started seeing flaws with it. Perhaps I was looking for flaws where there was none. Looking back today I can see what was going on outside my 4-13 year old world/mindset. none the less it does not change what happened thereafter.
A friend of mine from my neighborhood lost her mother and was forced to live with her dad in a near by town called Laurel, md. one day I went to vist her and she took me to this store called "The Crystal fox". The store had lots of books and candels, swords, and crystals. I noticed all the books on the shelf were about witchcraft and paganism. She told me This place was so awesome because she loved the smell of the incense. I bought her some because she loved them so much and I also got a book called "Teen Witchcraft: By, silver raven wolf." I fliped through the pages as if it were the gospel. I started practicing witchcraft exclusively. My mother was appauled though something told her let me do it. I was pretty good at magick actually. I was able to make it rain, I would heal scars instantly, I learned how to use herbs, and even called spirits. I was known very well in my school at being excellent with the tarot, and oddly enough no one considered me gothic or the "unpopular" wierd kid. As I grew with this faith I learned many many things. When I was of age I moved here to Buffalo, ny. where I shocked many at my local chapter of Ordo Templi Orientis as well as mediums at Lilly Dale Assembly with a unique ability to summon spirits and heal certain injuries. The chairmen was surprised with how much I knew about Maddam Blavatsky with out even being a member or looking through their library.
I say this not to brag it is all true however the story goes on. At the age of 21 I had a meditation the Egyptian goddess Hathor came to me. She spoke to me at first in a language I found out was ancient Turkish. Word for word I was able to translate it later. In the meditation Hathor asked me to if I truely wanted to know the mysteries of the universe, and asked If I thought I was truely prepared. Snakes crawled all over my body and I had this feeling of euphoria I thought was love. The snakes merged together into a cobra that danced in front of me. Hathor stood behind it and said she will give me the bite of Kefer (pronounced Ke-far). the meditation went on for days and when I left it I was blind and dizzy. I started knowing spirits around people, and could call strangers over by their name. I just "knew" who they were. I often meditated with various spirits one in particular came to me often his name was Thoth.
I would ask thoth many many questions of which in my meditations I noticed he became very annoyed with, or shun the question altogether. Mostly he would ignore questions that pertained to the bible or how the pyramids were built. One question I asked was to show me what ancient egypt looked like. He told me he could not turn back the sands of time nor reveal such an image. I replied with "surely you have a way to describe it." he could not. I was dissopinted and had to leave. In a later meditation the goddess Bast (one of the hathors, there's 7 of them) came to me and said: "I will send you a cat, she is to protect you and you must take care of her as she is my child." Sure enough the next day I found a cat wondering the streets in 3 feet of snow, her name is hazel. I couldn't bear to let her stay out there while it's so cold and harsh.
Over time my meditations continued with mostly Thoth, until one. I started questioning these gods. something kept telling me to beware of them, somehow it was like a voice that wouldn't go away. I asked the goddess Bast to come to me and when she did I asked her to show her true self to me. Like a cat she hissed and said This is my true self. I noticed her "image" distorted as if fazing into something else. I asked "let me see who you really are. she left and the god Thoth came and asked me, why do I want to see Bast any different. I asked thoth to show his true self to me. It was like talking to politicians when they want to avoid a controversial issue, they just dodged the question over and over. I asked in the meditation for my Guardian angel to come to me, perhaps he/she could bring clarity. Micheal came and with his sword he eliminated the gods and told me not to do these meditations again.
A year later something happened I don't know what but I think my view of the world matured. I noticed the people in the new age world in a different way. These weren't people who were as well informed as they thought. I could see these were people not looking for a religion or answers or much of anything except escape from reality. They wanted to believe in something they could connect to by brain washing themselves. I relized that where I learned new age mysticsm was largely from my own meditations and experiments... But all the others were learning it from brainwashing themselves. In the rise of obama as president I've seen the new age community in awe of his charisma though largely I disagreed with his actions. Telling people he was doing very bad things and making the wrong deals and policies, suddenly I became an evil christian bigot. I left the Ordo Templi Orientis not so much for differences in politics, but because I could see what this was all about for myself. It was about sheeps and wolves, and to many content themselves on letting others think for themselves.
For the past three years I took time away from new age idealism. I studied different things like history, economics, philosophy, science. If it was on google I studied it to the point where I feel I could argue with experts on any topic. I started a small investment firm, and am pretty good at it which surprised me most. I started school for nursing, and somehow managed to travel often.
One day I came accross a video on youtube about Islam in england. The video showed Bombs going off in the street in the name of Allah - It showed a paralel legal system where the islamic council would sanction a woman to be abused by her husband, as well as other things that are illegal in the uk - It showed other parts of europe with so much of the same problems. I watched many other videos and noticed the peaceful muslims are not exactly protesting the extremist. The comments on some of these videos appauled me when they were talking about "how christians are just as bad" or other smart a$$ remarks about christian bigotry. Not being particularly christian at the time I found my self standing up for Christianity. yet more and more no matter where I went I relized people weren't just typeing random things on the internet, they actually hated christians in real life. In school they would write essays about how christians are such bigots for this thing or that thing. What else my proffessors would give them an "A" even if they didn't have a valid argument or proper spelling in their essay's. I found this disturbing, because as a student at a college I tend to do alot of research for all my papers. I do alot of research even with out being a student just for personal interest anyway. Regardless I thought it was unprofessional of that teacher to give student an "A" just because they were anti-christian. When I reported him to the school board I was even more surprised I had to retake that class because he kept giving me "D's" yet he could never tell me why.
I started reading the bible, and watched some videos on youtube. I relize now who Jesus really was. I learned what the bible had to say about witchcraft and demons posing as angels of the light. I understand perfectly well, possibly in some ways more then most christians, what the bible means about this. I relized I am a person who is very good at anything he does even when it is evil. and I relize my heart is heavy. The mysteries of the universe is unknowable, and alot of it is over rated. I don't want to know satan anymore, but I will say thanks for the cat. I also relized as soon as I turned my back to new age"ism" the whole world seemed to turn it's back on me in everything I prided myself in.
I'm 26 years old and re learning Christianity, perhaps learning it for the first time. I hav'nt accepted Jesus in my heart yet, because I want it to actually mean something. I'll be reading and studying everything I can until then. I would be much obliged if others would be willing to teach. This is my story I hope you liked it.
