hmmmmm

I have always liked that quote. It is possibly the only one that I ever memorized and held onto.
I'm not sure why I am writing on this blog. Particularly since I have never even written on the forums here.

Lets see, who am I?

I'm a 35 y o Canadian. I have never been baptized. I was not raised in religion or Christianity, except for the odd sunday my mom made us go to church(United) so they could sleep in.
Once i left home at 18, I tried a few churches. They obviously weren't a fit for me, so I decided why bother.
I got married and had kids, and started going to church fairly regularly in spurts with my sis-in-law.
In 2003, my hubby and I split up and I left God again. Not because i was blaming him. but more because i felt guilty for leaving my husband since i was supposedly a christian. (He was an atheist btw)

I keep feeling the urge to come back. But i open my bible and its like reading another language. So i dont WANT to read it. I dont know how to pick a church. So really what i do is read books ABOUT christianity etc. but never feel i get anywhere because of course reading about it, is not the same as being right with God.
Sometimes when i think i should at least pray, i feel in my chest a sense of dread, or fear or something. but i cant identify what exactly is blocking me.

I dont want to post on the boards, because i assume this is something i have to deal with, in my own head. I'm sure whining on the forums won't help lol.
Anyways, i decided maybe having a blog would create a sense of accountability. Working thru this, without whining about it, and knowning people will read what i'm writing, will hopefully ecourage me to find my way back to God.

thats all.
pj