Hello, my name is Anthony Keith Johnson Jr, I am 18 years old, and live in Tampa, Florida with my grandmother and wife. I reveal this information, along with an actual photo of me, to you in hopes of showing Jesus that I'm not afraid of who I am and that I want to make a difference in my life.
I type this blog in a plead for help, advice, anyhting, from anybody.
Where to begin, oh where to begin. I guess I could start off by saying I used to be a fully devoted Christian. I don't know what happened. I just fell off of it I guess you could say. I honestly don't know what happened. I just dropped it off like it was nothing. I lost interest. Nothing happened to really make me stop believing, I just stopped all of a sudden. I used to go to church every chance I got, I used to worship like crazy. LITERALLY CRAZY. I would go into, I guess you could say blackouts, speak in tongues, I would have visions, not that I can remember but I've been told I've prophecized a few times also. I'm bursting into tears as I type remembering how at peace I felt....
I've lied, stolen, hurt people, drank, smoked(still smoke), sold drugs, I've done so much. I don't want to reveal some other things cause' I try to bury them in hopes of not remenissing on them and driving myself to insanity thinking about them. Let's just say I've done alot in my short life. I turned to God when my friend brought me to his Pentecostal church. I loved the church. I didn't feel judged or looked down upon because of what I've done. Sorry if it offends, but it was better than that normal boring, baptist, methodist churches I had gone to all my life. Sorry, lol, but that's how I've felt about those churches. Anyways, the church began to turn on me when they found out I used to sell drugs. Rumors spread and it got to the church. EVERYBODY never looked at me the same. NOBODY treated me the same. Everything was different. That's when I started questioning. I started asking why are these people who say they love me, and care for me treating me differently. I started asking God why he would let them do this to me. After that I moved to another church. It wasnt the same either. I didn't feel the love like in the other church. So I guess, that;s when I fell off fro Jesus. So after all that, is when I really started to question. I started looking towards the media, mainstream music, looking at the wars, even as far as asking why homeless people were homless(not literally asking homeless people, but asking God). I never got an answer. I tried picking up on the Christian thing again, but I never felt the Holy Spirit. So ultimately, I gave up once more.
Fast forwarding a few months ahead.
I dropped out of school, moved out of my parents house at sixteen and started living with my friends mother who took me in. I was using the money I got from selling drugs(which I picked up on again) to help pay for rent. She ended up kicking me out cause' she thought I was stealing money from (which I did not becuase the money she had was given to her by me....Which I NEVER touched after it left my hands. So I ended up living with my friend and his family (the ones who took me to the Pentecostal church) until I went to Job Corps. While staying at my friends house, I met a man there named Daniel. Daniel was a trip. He was the only person I can honestly say I truly trusted. He was a prophet, according to what everyone labeled him as. He didn't like being labeled that way, but instead just being called "Highly annointed" so it doesn;t sound like he was bragging. He told me SO MUCH about myself within the 5 minutes of knowing than. More than my mother probably could in a day. He told me stuff I had done in my past, what I was going through at the moment. EVERYTHING. I trusted him because I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit on him whenever he spoke. But no matter how much he told me, I still questioned. I still asked the question of the universe, why? Why? Why? Why? I don't know why exactly, I just did. But I trusted him, there was something about him that really clicked with me.
Fast forward a few weeks (I guess?)
I got into Job Corps, got my GED and met my wife. I know I was young and it was a little early for getting married, but she was the one, and I knew it. (Which will bring me to another part in my story later on)
INTERVAL: Please understand everything I tell you is needed to know for anybody to completely understand where I'm coming from and why I'm typing all this.
Fast forward 5 months
I get out of Job Corps with my wife and we move into my mothers home. I left my mothers home cause' we couldn't get along. I figured I'd give it a second shot. Life was hell there. We struggled trying to find a job, but failed. We could never keep my mother satisfied, nothing seemed to work. Finally, I got tired of it. I hate to say it, but I tried selling my soul. I honestly did. I was looking up voodoo rituals, satanic rituals, any black magic to call the devil and offer him something in return for fame and fortune. I didn't care. At the time, I thought God had dumped me off and forgot. So I tried selling my soul. Oddly enough, when I tried doing the rituals, I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt it, I really did. I kept getting this feeling like it was telling me "I won't allow it." And none of the rituals worked. Cause everytime I would try, I would feel the Holy Spirit. So I gave up on that...(Will add on more to towards the end, HOLD ON ALMOST THERE.)
Finally, me and my wife got dropped off in Tampa, Fl with my grandmother. By the way, we used to live in Alabama. So yeah, we got dropped off here with only three days worth of clothes and no money. My grandmother took us in and we've been living here since.
So here it is, I abuse my wife. Not physically, but I guess you could say mentally. It's not out of spite or because I want to it's because of my anger. I take my anger out on her because I know she's the only one who will still wake up in the morning and say "I love you" and mean it.
My mother. I have mixed feelings for my mother. She has lied to me my WHOLE life. I hold her at fault for a lot. She used to be with a man that would her, my sister, and I day and night. Sometimes he would lock me in a closet for days without food or water or even allowing me use the bathroom. My mother would leave him, and continue to go back to him over and over and over again for 4 years. She has told me my father left me, wanted nothing to do with me, and even gave up his rights to me so he didn't have to pay child support. Which was a lie. Truth be told he had no idea where I was and was looking for me when my mother decided to up and move to Alabama.
Lately I've been watching alot of the end of the world videos. Illuminati, anti-christ, etc. And quite honestly, I know the world is fixing to goin boom. I want to be with Jesus when that happens. I want my wife and my family to be with Him when that happens. I want to be with Him so I can feel the peace I used to feel, so I can feel loved. I just don't know what to do, I've felt so unconnected from God and have almost lost all hope. I got angry earlier and took it out on my wife saying hurtful things to her that I should not have said. I watched another "End of the world" video on youtube and got to thinking, "Maybe I need to tell someone my story, and MAYBE just MAYBE someone can help me out". And I do have a feeling someone on here can help me, I just don't know who.....
I have a feeling I'm supposed to do something important in my life. I'm not sure what is, but I know it's something that will change this world for the good. I have felt this way since I was very young. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I do it's something BIG....
My ultimate question I have for everybody who has actually takin the time to read this is, HOW? How do I get back to the point I was at when I was walking with Jesus? How do I feel the peace I once felt many many many moths ago? Just, how????
Thank you for reading this, I GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. God Bless......
I type this blog in a plead for help, advice, anyhting, from anybody.
Where to begin, oh where to begin. I guess I could start off by saying I used to be a fully devoted Christian. I don't know what happened. I just fell off of it I guess you could say. I honestly don't know what happened. I just dropped it off like it was nothing. I lost interest. Nothing happened to really make me stop believing, I just stopped all of a sudden. I used to go to church every chance I got, I used to worship like crazy. LITERALLY CRAZY. I would go into, I guess you could say blackouts, speak in tongues, I would have visions, not that I can remember but I've been told I've prophecized a few times also. I'm bursting into tears as I type remembering how at peace I felt....
I've lied, stolen, hurt people, drank, smoked(still smoke), sold drugs, I've done so much. I don't want to reveal some other things cause' I try to bury them in hopes of not remenissing on them and driving myself to insanity thinking about them. Let's just say I've done alot in my short life. I turned to God when my friend brought me to his Pentecostal church. I loved the church. I didn't feel judged or looked down upon because of what I've done. Sorry if it offends, but it was better than that normal boring, baptist, methodist churches I had gone to all my life. Sorry, lol, but that's how I've felt about those churches. Anyways, the church began to turn on me when they found out I used to sell drugs. Rumors spread and it got to the church. EVERYBODY never looked at me the same. NOBODY treated me the same. Everything was different. That's when I started questioning. I started asking why are these people who say they love me, and care for me treating me differently. I started asking God why he would let them do this to me. After that I moved to another church. It wasnt the same either. I didn't feel the love like in the other church. So I guess, that;s when I fell off fro Jesus. So after all that, is when I really started to question. I started looking towards the media, mainstream music, looking at the wars, even as far as asking why homeless people were homless(not literally asking homeless people, but asking God). I never got an answer. I tried picking up on the Christian thing again, but I never felt the Holy Spirit. So ultimately, I gave up once more.
Fast forwarding a few months ahead.
I dropped out of school, moved out of my parents house at sixteen and started living with my friends mother who took me in. I was using the money I got from selling drugs(which I picked up on again) to help pay for rent. She ended up kicking me out cause' she thought I was stealing money from (which I did not becuase the money she had was given to her by me....Which I NEVER touched after it left my hands. So I ended up living with my friend and his family (the ones who took me to the Pentecostal church) until I went to Job Corps. While staying at my friends house, I met a man there named Daniel. Daniel was a trip. He was the only person I can honestly say I truly trusted. He was a prophet, according to what everyone labeled him as. He didn't like being labeled that way, but instead just being called "Highly annointed" so it doesn;t sound like he was bragging. He told me SO MUCH about myself within the 5 minutes of knowing than. More than my mother probably could in a day. He told me stuff I had done in my past, what I was going through at the moment. EVERYTHING. I trusted him because I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit on him whenever he spoke. But no matter how much he told me, I still questioned. I still asked the question of the universe, why? Why? Why? Why? I don't know why exactly, I just did. But I trusted him, there was something about him that really clicked with me.
Fast forward a few weeks (I guess?)
I got into Job Corps, got my GED and met my wife. I know I was young and it was a little early for getting married, but she was the one, and I knew it. (Which will bring me to another part in my story later on)
INTERVAL: Please understand everything I tell you is needed to know for anybody to completely understand where I'm coming from and why I'm typing all this.
Fast forward 5 months
I get out of Job Corps with my wife and we move into my mothers home. I left my mothers home cause' we couldn't get along. I figured I'd give it a second shot. Life was hell there. We struggled trying to find a job, but failed. We could never keep my mother satisfied, nothing seemed to work. Finally, I got tired of it. I hate to say it, but I tried selling my soul. I honestly did. I was looking up voodoo rituals, satanic rituals, any black magic to call the devil and offer him something in return for fame and fortune. I didn't care. At the time, I thought God had dumped me off and forgot. So I tried selling my soul. Oddly enough, when I tried doing the rituals, I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt it, I really did. I kept getting this feeling like it was telling me "I won't allow it." And none of the rituals worked. Cause everytime I would try, I would feel the Holy Spirit. So I gave up on that...(Will add on more to towards the end, HOLD ON ALMOST THERE.)
Finally, me and my wife got dropped off in Tampa, Fl with my grandmother. By the way, we used to live in Alabama. So yeah, we got dropped off here with only three days worth of clothes and no money. My grandmother took us in and we've been living here since.
So here it is, I abuse my wife. Not physically, but I guess you could say mentally. It's not out of spite or because I want to it's because of my anger. I take my anger out on her because I know she's the only one who will still wake up in the morning and say "I love you" and mean it.
My mother. I have mixed feelings for my mother. She has lied to me my WHOLE life. I hold her at fault for a lot. She used to be with a man that would her, my sister, and I day and night. Sometimes he would lock me in a closet for days without food or water or even allowing me use the bathroom. My mother would leave him, and continue to go back to him over and over and over again for 4 years. She has told me my father left me, wanted nothing to do with me, and even gave up his rights to me so he didn't have to pay child support. Which was a lie. Truth be told he had no idea where I was and was looking for me when my mother decided to up and move to Alabama.
Lately I've been watching alot of the end of the world videos. Illuminati, anti-christ, etc. And quite honestly, I know the world is fixing to goin boom. I want to be with Jesus when that happens. I want my wife and my family to be with Him when that happens. I want to be with Him so I can feel the peace I used to feel, so I can feel loved. I just don't know what to do, I've felt so unconnected from God and have almost lost all hope. I got angry earlier and took it out on my wife saying hurtful things to her that I should not have said. I watched another "End of the world" video on youtube and got to thinking, "Maybe I need to tell someone my story, and MAYBE just MAYBE someone can help me out". And I do have a feeling someone on here can help me, I just don't know who.....
I have a feeling I'm supposed to do something important in my life. I'm not sure what is, but I know it's something that will change this world for the good. I have felt this way since I was very young. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I do it's something BIG....
My ultimate question I have for everybody who has actually takin the time to read this is, HOW? How do I get back to the point I was at when I was walking with Jesus? How do I feel the peace I once felt many many many moths ago? Just, how????
Thank you for reading this, I GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. God Bless......
