It is funny how you spend a life time following the desires of your own heart. I remember being younger and I always wanted the bigger, better deal. I always wanted more than I had. I guess what I mean by younger is only 3 months ago! I always wanted to return home never making home where I was at the point in time. For better or worse, I always thought the bigger, better life was just around the corner or put simply when I got back to Australia.
Recently I realised it is not. My bigger, better life is right where I am. Here in East Timor. I finally realised that God has answered all my prayers. He has given me the life I have always needed. No, it is not the one I wanted. That has been my biggest challenge. But it is the life that God has chosen for me.
This may seem rather obvious and there have been many times I have pretended to feel content. I have said or done things in the hope that I may feel this way but never have. The truth is I only just realised how deep this problem was for me. It came in a sermon on worship. The Spirit moved me to think about whether I truely worship God. Worship is about being thankful. It is about acknowedging God as He is and how He has changed our lives for the better. When I thought about it I was unsure if my life was actually any better.
I know that is hard question to ask. Do you really like your life? Are you really content? I am not talking about the answer you give people but the one you ask yourself in the middle of the night when you are all alone. Could I ever really be thankful for the life He has given me?
I guess part of me didn't want to be content. After all that may mean that I woukd have to work on living in one place or country for more than 2 years. It would mean I would have to really give over all my dreams and time to the Lord. It would mean that I would have to give up all that I thought I wanted and focus on what God has given me instead.
Today, I can happily say that I am thankful. I am so very, very thankful for this life. I am thankful that God is a miracle worker and can even change the hardest of hearts - mine. I am happy. I have let go of everything. I have stared into my life for far too long now and all my dreams have finally shattered on my foundation in Christ.
Recently I realised it is not. My bigger, better life is right where I am. Here in East Timor. I finally realised that God has answered all my prayers. He has given me the life I have always needed. No, it is not the one I wanted. That has been my biggest challenge. But it is the life that God has chosen for me.
This may seem rather obvious and there have been many times I have pretended to feel content. I have said or done things in the hope that I may feel this way but never have. The truth is I only just realised how deep this problem was for me. It came in a sermon on worship. The Spirit moved me to think about whether I truely worship God. Worship is about being thankful. It is about acknowedging God as He is and how He has changed our lives for the better. When I thought about it I was unsure if my life was actually any better.
I know that is hard question to ask. Do you really like your life? Are you really content? I am not talking about the answer you give people but the one you ask yourself in the middle of the night when you are all alone. Could I ever really be thankful for the life He has given me?
I guess part of me didn't want to be content. After all that may mean that I woukd have to work on living in one place or country for more than 2 years. It would mean I would have to really give over all my dreams and time to the Lord. It would mean that I would have to give up all that I thought I wanted and focus on what God has given me instead.
Today, I can happily say that I am thankful. I am so very, very thankful for this life. I am thankful that God is a miracle worker and can even change the hardest of hearts - mine. I am happy. I have let go of everything. I have stared into my life for far too long now and all my dreams have finally shattered on my foundation in Christ.
