Lately, I have tried something different with praying. Just focusing upon God and trying to stay silent and reflect upon His great works and His words that I have read that day. I try to go deeper in seeking my Heavenly Father and try not to use words at all. It isn't exactly easy because my mind becomes flooded with random thoughts and I begin to ask God for things, when all I want to do for the moment is reflect and draw closer to Him. I know that it is not bad to ask God for things, like wisdom, patience and to be shown a glimpse of what He has in store for me, because scriptures say to ask, but I feel bad because I ask for a lot and ask a lot. I feel as if I ask for too much and am giving so little in return. I know that I am completely dependent upon God, I can say it and I feel it in my heart and feel that it rings true there. But to say I know it in my heart that I trust God, sadly that is a different story. Here on earth I have been shown that so many things can not be trusted, so I developed an issue with trust and a fear of abandonment, and these things have been transfered over onto God. I don't like the fact that I do this and at times treat God with the same attitude I do as other common people. When it wasn't common people that spoke the Heavens and the earth into existence, that destroyed entire cities with fire from above, that destroyed the world with a flood and showed immense compassion to one man and his family. The same God that sent His son to DIE for ME! and I can't treat Him any better than I do? I realized the other day how lucky I am to live now and how I need and desire with all my heart to build my faith and treat God like God, because in the scriptures that made me realize this, 1 Corinthians 10, when our ancestors where in the wilderness, they lost sight and 23,000 died in one day for sexual immorality, others of snakebites for testing Christ and others destroyed by the Angel of Death for grumbling. All this was done as a warning. Now I take heed to that warning. I strive to strengthen my faith and my understanding of God and to continue not placing other "gods" before Him, such as money and worldly items.
I have come a long way in my walk in the past year. Monday is my birthday and a year ago, I was nowhere near the place I am now. I was involved in sexual immorality, pornography, drunkenness and anything else that felt good. But the thing was, I didn't feel good, I was putting more faith in these things than I was in God. The misery was so intense, that even for a moment, I could not be without the thoughts of suicide, because that was the only thing that seemed to comfort me. But as I began to seek God and restore my faith in my Creator, the sins that I wallowed in slowly began to slip away and my thoughts became more of Him and less of me. At this point in my life, a year later, I have made a change and I have turned from the sins of my past. I no longer drink at all, I no longer have the desire to kill myself and the sexual and porn garbage, nonexistent. I don't just attend church on Sundays and wednesdays, I worship everyday. I continually seek God, His word and a closer relationship with Him. My life has been changed so much, just within the past year, I become excited to think of all the changes that have yet to taken place in my life and the ways that God will work through me! My love for you my God is so great and I want it to intensify every moment that passes. I thank you for the strength you have given me to grow in your name, to seek your word and your truth. I thank you Father for every ounce of pain that I had to endure last year and every year before to make it to this point right now. I thank you for the end of my relationship with Beth and the pain involved, though I didn't want it to be that way, because I would have never come this close to you or would have even begun to seek you as I do now. I thank you for the friendship I have in you, the guidance and the love you show to me daily. Father God, I love you and praise you with all that I am able!
8:41 AM
(Responces)
Beau: God has a plan for all of us. Either through His churches or silence. Monks who do not speak all day are busy in prayer reflecting on God and his people while at the same time forming a community to live within Gods touch. This practice is derived from "the devil will find work for idol hands." I can see God working through you which is something that I do not see often. You are blessed and He has given that to you. Keep doing what you are doing! And be sure in the faith that God does have something planned for you.
Reesie: That is so awesome Eric! I know God has an awesome plan for your life, and one day you will be doing great things for His kingdom. Love ya. God Bless and all that good stuff...
I have come a long way in my walk in the past year. Monday is my birthday and a year ago, I was nowhere near the place I am now. I was involved in sexual immorality, pornography, drunkenness and anything else that felt good. But the thing was, I didn't feel good, I was putting more faith in these things than I was in God. The misery was so intense, that even for a moment, I could not be without the thoughts of suicide, because that was the only thing that seemed to comfort me. But as I began to seek God and restore my faith in my Creator, the sins that I wallowed in slowly began to slip away and my thoughts became more of Him and less of me. At this point in my life, a year later, I have made a change and I have turned from the sins of my past. I no longer drink at all, I no longer have the desire to kill myself and the sexual and porn garbage, nonexistent. I don't just attend church on Sundays and wednesdays, I worship everyday. I continually seek God, His word and a closer relationship with Him. My life has been changed so much, just within the past year, I become excited to think of all the changes that have yet to taken place in my life and the ways that God will work through me! My love for you my God is so great and I want it to intensify every moment that passes. I thank you for the strength you have given me to grow in your name, to seek your word and your truth. I thank you Father for every ounce of pain that I had to endure last year and every year before to make it to this point right now. I thank you for the end of my relationship with Beth and the pain involved, though I didn't want it to be that way, because I would have never come this close to you or would have even begun to seek you as I do now. I thank you for the friendship I have in you, the guidance and the love you show to me daily. Father God, I love you and praise you with all that I am able!
8:41 AM
(Responces)
Beau: God has a plan for all of us. Either through His churches or silence. Monks who do not speak all day are busy in prayer reflecting on God and his people while at the same time forming a community to live within Gods touch. This practice is derived from "the devil will find work for idol hands." I can see God working through you which is something that I do not see often. You are blessed and He has given that to you. Keep doing what you are doing! And be sure in the faith that God does have something planned for you.
Reesie: That is so awesome Eric! I know God has an awesome plan for your life, and one day you will be doing great things for His kingdom. Love ya. God Bless and all that good stuff...
