I am a new member here, so I figure I should start my story from the beginning so that it makes more sense. Last year started out wonderfully. I was in a relationship with another strong Christian and I had never been closer to God. He took me to his church and his pastor was always a wonderful influence on my spiritual growth. While I had always considered myself a Christian, I had no role models up to that point because my parents were adamantly against religion (especially Christianity). My boyfriend's mom was also a strong and guiding light. Unfortunately, when he went away for college he changed drastically and no matter how hard I tried, he treated me as if I were disgusting and immoral. He and I had never had sex or anything like that so the only reason I could see him treating me that way is because three years before I met him I had sex with my first boyfriend. I was naive then and not a Christian so I figured he would understand. Well, this is the part I am not proud of. After we broke up, I stopped going to church and talking to all my old friends. Eventually, I started drinking, which lead to parties and whatever else goes along with that. I was lonely (although that is hardly an excuse) and scared. After about 6 months of this, I realized my depression was not going away, only getting worse. So I decided on my own to stop going to parties and hanging out with the people who had influenced me so much during that time (amazing how satan lies in wait for when we are at our weakest!) The problem now was that I felt SO guilty about my actions that I couldn't bring myself to ask God for forgiveness. To me, it was a cardinal sin to come crawling on my knees begging for life when I had so thoroughly destroyed the one He had already given me. For over a year I have dealt with this guilt, but I have gotten a boost. About 4 months after I stopped going to parties, I met someone in one of my classes. He was struggling too, and we eventually went out on a date. I found out he was trying to stop doing drugs and as soon as we had been dating for a while, he quit all together. We had to get away from our pasts so we both transferred to a new college and started working to grow spiritually. We are looking for a church right now. It took a lot for both of us to get back to God because of our pasts! Thankfully, He has given me someone else to lean on because I was not strong enough to forgive myself. 
