It occurred to me today that the primary reason i continue to carry about with me the burden of my sins, even though i know that Jesus has taken them upon His loving shoulders and God the Father has forgiven them, is that i am continually looking backwards instead of forwards--backwards at my sinful past rather than forwards towards the Kingdom.
St. Paul writes, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, . . ."(Phil 3:13) i, for some reason, am either unable or unwilling to do this seemingly simple task. i continuously meditate on my past sins and their continuingly negative effects on those i love--especially my children who were severely damaged by my actions while drinking and drugging and verbally abusing all around me for more years than i care to remember.
i guess my thinking is that it would not be right for me to "forget" the evils i have done to others or try to ignore the present negative effects on their lives which are blatantly evident--for example, two are avowed atheists and two have failed or failing marriages.
i understand that they are adults and are responsible now for their own choices, but i also know that the crazy home environment i subjected them to while growing up set them up to make bad choices because children tend to mirror what they saw as children. Perhaps this is what is meant by the Scripture stating that the sins of the parents are visited upon their children to the 3rd and 4th generations.
In any event, i understand my need to change in this area--it isn't helping those i've harmed and it certainly isn't doing my walk with/towards God any good.
How to change is the important question of the moment!
St. Paul writes, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, . . ."(Phil 3:13) i, for some reason, am either unable or unwilling to do this seemingly simple task. i continuously meditate on my past sins and their continuingly negative effects on those i love--especially my children who were severely damaged by my actions while drinking and drugging and verbally abusing all around me for more years than i care to remember.
i guess my thinking is that it would not be right for me to "forget" the evils i have done to others or try to ignore the present negative effects on their lives which are blatantly evident--for example, two are avowed atheists and two have failed or failing marriages.
i understand that they are adults and are responsible now for their own choices, but i also know that the crazy home environment i subjected them to while growing up set them up to make bad choices because children tend to mirror what they saw as children. Perhaps this is what is meant by the Scripture stating that the sins of the parents are visited upon their children to the 3rd and 4th generations.
In any event, i understand my need to change in this area--it isn't helping those i've harmed and it certainly isn't doing my walk with/towards God any good.
How to change is the important question of the moment!
