In this next scene, Chris is thinking about his relationship with his father. As Chris looks at the events that occurred with his father, he realizes that his bitterness had distorted his view of James. He begins to understand that forgiving his father was about changing his past images.
He slowly walked back to the car. Chris got in the car and back on the highway. The caffeine helped calm his nerves. Now he could focus a little more. This was the time he needed to think. It was quite as Jenna and Alex slept, so he began to think about Jenna's advice. She had always told him he needed to think about the positive moments with his dad. His anger had preoccupied his thoughts where his dad was concerned.
As he thought about his time spent with his dad, he remembered his fishing trips. They were always lots of fun. There was one fishing trip that he remembered the most. It was a time that Chris learned a lesson he would never forget. Even though things didn't turn out like Chris hoped, Chris walked away with a lesson that he still used.
"Chris, it's time to get ready," Jim said as he shook him gently.
"Dad, I'm too tired," Chris moaned as he turned over.
"Come on, son," Jim said with a smile. "You know, the early bird gets the worm."
As Chris turned over, he looked up at his father with confusion. "What does a bird getting a worm have to do with fishing?"
Jim laughed as he pulled his son out of bed. "Chris, Aaron and Jason are already up and planning to leave early."
"Jason?" Chris asked. "Oh, man, it's fishing day!" Chris knew he couldn't let Jason beat him to the lake. Like a rocket, Chris started getting dressed. Jason was Chris' best friend, but they were very competitive. Jason would get to the lake and steal the best fishing spot. Chris knew he had to hurry.
As soon as Chris was dressed and ate his breakfast, he went looking for his dad. He found him in the garage. Jim was busy packing the van. As Chris walked into the garage, he was putting the fishing poles in the back of the van.
"Dad, can I help you?" asked Jason. "I'm done with breakfast and ready to go."
"Sure," said Jim. "Put the cooler and the blankets in the van. I need to go tell your mom we're leaving. I'll be right back"
Chris nodded and headed for the cooler and blankets, which were sitting in the corner of the garage. While Jim went to tell Martha they were leaving, Chris put the cooler and blankets in the back of the van. After he made sure all the van doors were closed, he got into the van and put his seat belt on. He was getting really excited. He was only fifteen, so his patience was fading. They might have a chance at beating Aaron and Jason, but they would have to hurry.
"Come on, dad," thought Chris.
Finally, Jim appeared at the door with his back pack in hand. He got in the van and they were soon driving down the street. The lake was an hour away, so Chris got comfortable. Chris took out a book from his back pack and started to read. Traffic was light, so Jim and Chris got to the lake in fifty minutes.
As Jim pulled the van into a parking spot, Chris' heart sunk. There by the edge of the lake stood Jason. He had his fishing pole in his hand, and was getting into his father's boat. Aaron waved at them as he started his boat. Jason also grinned and waved, which annoyed Chris. Jason had won and Chris knew it was his fault. Chris had learned his lesson.
"Dad, I get it now. Jason was the early bird, so he got the best fishing spot. I'm really sorry," Jason sighed.
Jim smiled and put his arm around Chris. They walked to the boat in silence. "Chris, I have a secret," Jim said as they untied their boat from the dock.
"What is your secret?" Chris asked with curiosity.
"I know another good fishing spot," Jim answered. It's a spot my father took me fishing when I got up late."
Chris felt much better, but knew that next time he would wake up a lot earlier. Jason wouldn't ever beat him to the lake again.
As Chris thought about this lesson, he realized that almost every situation had a lesson. He and his father fought quite a bit, but Chris understood that most of his own principles came from one of his dad's lessons. Suddenly, Chris' perception of his father started to change. He saw his father as a teacher not a tyrant. There was only on memory that clouded his mind. That memory was the night that his father put down his work and called him lazy. Chris didn't know if he could forgive these words.
Of course, the story isn't finished, so we'll have to wait to see the outcome for Chris and James, but, the more Chris forgives, the more peace and calmness he will experience. This is also true for us, so we like Chris need to work diligently on forgiveness. The more we forgive the more healing we will experience physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.
All of us have memories that are painful. If we can do what Chris did and replace hurtful memories with positive ones, we can start to forgive and let go of the pain. Unfortunately, there will always be a memory that takes more work to get over. Many of us have fathers who have hurt us and we feel betrayed by them. Others have mothers, sisters, or best friends that lied to us or put us down. Most of the time, we have multiple hurts that have scared our lives, but, when we go through the healing process and forgive, those scares begin to fade.
When Brenton and I were first married, we carried a lot of unforgiveness. It ate away at us until we were extremely angry. After a few years of marriage, we decided it was time to start forgiving, because we were both miserable. Now, if offenses are made, we immediately deal with them and forgive. This doesn't mean we have completely forgiven everyone that hurt us. Most of us have people in our lives that either hurt us deeply and it is harder to forgive them or they still hurt us each day. Some people we may have to forgive every time they walk in the room.
There is a concept that I came up with several years ago concerning forgiveness. This is a routine that I do as a married woman, but it can be done for anyone who tends to hurt us regularly. When I get up in the morning and before I go to bed at night, I forgive Brenton. It stops any hurt, resentment, and bitterness from creeping into our relationship. Now, that does not mean I don't have to forgive him during the day, but it does get me in the habit of forgiving immediately.
Another practice that Brenton and I started is to talk about the things that bother us. This sounds simple, but most of us don't want confrontation or it is hard to calmly communicate our thoughts and feelings. A few days ago, I was going through the photo album in my mind and forgiving certain people of hurts they have caused me. As I got to Brenton, I realized there were hurts that I needed to forgive. At that moment, I began to write Brenton a letter that described the hurt and how it made me feel. When Brenton got home from work, we sat down and I read him the letter. He in turn explained some hurts that he felt; we forgave each other, and left the hurt in the past.
Sometimes, there are people we cannot be this open with, so we may need to write the letter, read the letter out loud, and then throw the letter in the fireplace to burn. The act of burning the letter is symbolic of ridding ourselves of the unforgiveness. Once the letter is burned and unforgiveness gone, we need to replace the old hurtful memories with pleasant memories of the person or situation. If there are no pleasant memories associated with the person or situation, we need to find a lesson that we've learned from the situation and give them the credit or strength and talent that the person possesses. It will help to focus on the new memory, lesson learned, or strength of a person when the unforgiveness tries to creep back into our minds and hearts.
We've all heard people say that they will never forgive someone else for the pain they have caused. This is so tragic, because it only hurts the person more that is carrying around the unforgiveness. Many times, the person who hurt us has gone on with their life and free from any recollection of the offense. For our own sakes, we need to forgive and renew our memories. It does not make us weak to forgive. Actually, it shows great strength on our part to forgive all offenses. What comes after forgiveness is peace, and that is worth letting go of any bitterness no matter how big or small.
This week, we need to challenge ourselves to forgive all offenses. Take a look at your memories and find the ones that hold the most hurt. Find the lesson and good out of the situation and forgive. Every time the memory tries to come back with a negative emotion tied to it, forgive the person or situation again. Forgiveness is a habit, and we get better at forgiving as we practice. At first, forgiving may seem hard and awkward, but remember that it gets easier with time.
He slowly walked back to the car. Chris got in the car and back on the highway. The caffeine helped calm his nerves. Now he could focus a little more. This was the time he needed to think. It was quite as Jenna and Alex slept, so he began to think about Jenna's advice. She had always told him he needed to think about the positive moments with his dad. His anger had preoccupied his thoughts where his dad was concerned.
As he thought about his time spent with his dad, he remembered his fishing trips. They were always lots of fun. There was one fishing trip that he remembered the most. It was a time that Chris learned a lesson he would never forget. Even though things didn't turn out like Chris hoped, Chris walked away with a lesson that he still used.
"Chris, it's time to get ready," Jim said as he shook him gently.
"Dad, I'm too tired," Chris moaned as he turned over.
"Come on, son," Jim said with a smile. "You know, the early bird gets the worm."
As Chris turned over, he looked up at his father with confusion. "What does a bird getting a worm have to do with fishing?"
Jim laughed as he pulled his son out of bed. "Chris, Aaron and Jason are already up and planning to leave early."
"Jason?" Chris asked. "Oh, man, it's fishing day!" Chris knew he couldn't let Jason beat him to the lake. Like a rocket, Chris started getting dressed. Jason was Chris' best friend, but they were very competitive. Jason would get to the lake and steal the best fishing spot. Chris knew he had to hurry.
As soon as Chris was dressed and ate his breakfast, he went looking for his dad. He found him in the garage. Jim was busy packing the van. As Chris walked into the garage, he was putting the fishing poles in the back of the van.
"Dad, can I help you?" asked Jason. "I'm done with breakfast and ready to go."
"Sure," said Jim. "Put the cooler and the blankets in the van. I need to go tell your mom we're leaving. I'll be right back"
Chris nodded and headed for the cooler and blankets, which were sitting in the corner of the garage. While Jim went to tell Martha they were leaving, Chris put the cooler and blankets in the back of the van. After he made sure all the van doors were closed, he got into the van and put his seat belt on. He was getting really excited. He was only fifteen, so his patience was fading. They might have a chance at beating Aaron and Jason, but they would have to hurry.
"Come on, dad," thought Chris.
Finally, Jim appeared at the door with his back pack in hand. He got in the van and they were soon driving down the street. The lake was an hour away, so Chris got comfortable. Chris took out a book from his back pack and started to read. Traffic was light, so Jim and Chris got to the lake in fifty minutes.
As Jim pulled the van into a parking spot, Chris' heart sunk. There by the edge of the lake stood Jason. He had his fishing pole in his hand, and was getting into his father's boat. Aaron waved at them as he started his boat. Jason also grinned and waved, which annoyed Chris. Jason had won and Chris knew it was his fault. Chris had learned his lesson.
"Dad, I get it now. Jason was the early bird, so he got the best fishing spot. I'm really sorry," Jason sighed.
Jim smiled and put his arm around Chris. They walked to the boat in silence. "Chris, I have a secret," Jim said as they untied their boat from the dock.
"What is your secret?" Chris asked with curiosity.
"I know another good fishing spot," Jim answered. It's a spot my father took me fishing when I got up late."
Chris felt much better, but knew that next time he would wake up a lot earlier. Jason wouldn't ever beat him to the lake again.
As Chris thought about this lesson, he realized that almost every situation had a lesson. He and his father fought quite a bit, but Chris understood that most of his own principles came from one of his dad's lessons. Suddenly, Chris' perception of his father started to change. He saw his father as a teacher not a tyrant. There was only on memory that clouded his mind. That memory was the night that his father put down his work and called him lazy. Chris didn't know if he could forgive these words.
Of course, the story isn't finished, so we'll have to wait to see the outcome for Chris and James, but, the more Chris forgives, the more peace and calmness he will experience. This is also true for us, so we like Chris need to work diligently on forgiveness. The more we forgive the more healing we will experience physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.
All of us have memories that are painful. If we can do what Chris did and replace hurtful memories with positive ones, we can start to forgive and let go of the pain. Unfortunately, there will always be a memory that takes more work to get over. Many of us have fathers who have hurt us and we feel betrayed by them. Others have mothers, sisters, or best friends that lied to us or put us down. Most of the time, we have multiple hurts that have scared our lives, but, when we go through the healing process and forgive, those scares begin to fade.
Judge not [neither pronouncing judgment nor subjecting to censure], and you will not be judged; do not condemn and pronounce guilty, and you will not be condemned and pronounce guilty; acquit and forgive and release (give up resentment, let it drop), and you will be acquitted and forgiven and released.
Luke 6:37
Luke 6:37
When Brenton and I were first married, we carried a lot of unforgiveness. It ate away at us until we were extremely angry. After a few years of marriage, we decided it was time to start forgiving, because we were both miserable. Now, if offenses are made, we immediately deal with them and forgive. This doesn't mean we have completely forgiven everyone that hurt us. Most of us have people in our lives that either hurt us deeply and it is harder to forgive them or they still hurt us each day. Some people we may have to forgive every time they walk in the room.
There is a concept that I came up with several years ago concerning forgiveness. This is a routine that I do as a married woman, but it can be done for anyone who tends to hurt us regularly. When I get up in the morning and before I go to bed at night, I forgive Brenton. It stops any hurt, resentment, and bitterness from creeping into our relationship. Now, that does not mean I don't have to forgive him during the day, but it does get me in the habit of forgiving immediately.
Another practice that Brenton and I started is to talk about the things that bother us. This sounds simple, but most of us don't want confrontation or it is hard to calmly communicate our thoughts and feelings. A few days ago, I was going through the photo album in my mind and forgiving certain people of hurts they have caused me. As I got to Brenton, I realized there were hurts that I needed to forgive. At that moment, I began to write Brenton a letter that described the hurt and how it made me feel. When Brenton got home from work, we sat down and I read him the letter. He in turn explained some hurts that he felt; we forgave each other, and left the hurt in the past.
Sometimes, there are people we cannot be this open with, so we may need to write the letter, read the letter out loud, and then throw the letter in the fireplace to burn. The act of burning the letter is symbolic of ridding ourselves of the unforgiveness. Once the letter is burned and unforgiveness gone, we need to replace the old hurtful memories with pleasant memories of the person or situation. If there are no pleasant memories associated with the person or situation, we need to find a lesson that we've learned from the situation and give them the credit or strength and talent that the person possesses. It will help to focus on the new memory, lesson learned, or strength of a person when the unforgiveness tries to creep back into our minds and hearts.
"When a deep injury is done us, we don't fully recover until we forgive."
Alan Paton
Alan Paton
We've all heard people say that they will never forgive someone else for the pain they have caused. This is so tragic, because it only hurts the person more that is carrying around the unforgiveness. Many times, the person who hurt us has gone on with their life and free from any recollection of the offense. For our own sakes, we need to forgive and renew our memories. It does not make us weak to forgive. Actually, it shows great strength on our part to forgive all offenses. What comes after forgiveness is peace, and that is worth letting go of any bitterness no matter how big or small.
This week, we need to challenge ourselves to forgive all offenses. Take a look at your memories and find the ones that hold the most hurt. Find the lesson and good out of the situation and forgive. Every time the memory tries to come back with a negative emotion tied to it, forgive the person or situation again. Forgiveness is a habit, and we get better at forgiving as we practice. At first, forgiving may seem hard and awkward, but remember that it gets easier with time.
And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
Ephesians 4:32
To view additional blog posts by Tina White visit My Monday Map to Success at My Monday Map to Success.
