Forgiveness Part #1

Forgiveness is harder than most of us think. Many times we think once we say we forgive someone it is over, but usually the feelings that are associated with unforgiveness keep creeping back. We need to constantly forgive as anger, hurt, resentment, or bitterness show up.

Sometimes we may not know why we have these emotions and need to find the hurt that caused them.
How fast we forgive depends a lot on who has offended us. Sometimes, the person who has offended us is an acquaintance or stranger, so we can easily forgive them and go on. On the other hand, if the person who offended us is a close relative or friend, it may be harder to forgive. We trust people who are closer to us, so it hurts more when they betray us. My husband, Brenton, always says that I could hurt him the most, because we are closer and trust each other more.


The following excerpt is from a story I am writing called "Driven to Forgive". Chris is a very intelligent young man who always loved books. His father on the other hand was a strong man who worked with his hands. They both had their own area of expertise, but Chris' father, James, couldn't see the importance of books and college. We will enter the story as Chris is returning home after years of separation. This trip could change Chris' life and bring peace and healing to him and his father, but it also could bring more dissention. Chris knows that he has to forgive his father before he gets home.

Chris began to question the wisdom of this trip. It had been a long time since he saw his dad. He had an urge to turn the car around and go home, but he looked over at his wife and knew she would never let him. Chris looked in the rearview mirror at his little boy and smiled. His mother needed to see her grandson, and he could never punish his mom for what was between his father and him.

Jim worked hard and earned a good living with his hands. He had worked in construction his whole life. According to Jim, any man who didn't work with his hands was lazy. This was especially true for students. The college graduates he worked with were lazy and worthless. The last words Jim said to Chris cut deep into his heart.
"Chris, are you okay?" asked Jenna. "You look flushed."
Chris was startled by Jenna's question. He just looked ahead in silence. He tried to find the words to explain his emotions. Finally, Jenna put her hand on his shoulder. Jenna knew this trip was hard for him, but she insisted that it was important for him.

"I know you're angry, baby," she said compassionately. "You need to forgive your dad. He didn't mean to hurt you. Actually, I think he was just trying to help."
Jenna was probably right, but Chris had a hard time forgiving his dad's words.
Chris wasn't as physically strong as his dad. He loved books and studied hard in school. On the day of his high school graduation, Chris longed to hear words of praise, but was met with silence. The next day, Jim took Chris to find a job. All summer Chris worked hard, but secretly anticipated the start of college. He knew his father would be upset, but he was not prepared for the confrontation that awaited him. The day before he left for college came, and he knew he had to tell his father.

"No son of mine will become lazy and worthless," Jim shouted at Chris when he announced he was attending college. "You need to stay here and help this family."
"I have a scholarship," Chris shouted back. "I can't give up everything I have worked for."
"Worked?" Jim laughed. "That's not Work!"
As Chris stared at the disappearing road, tears began to roll down his cheeks. Jenna turned to look at Chris and noticed how the tears made his dark brown eyes glisten. She ran her fingers through his brown hair, which snapped him out of his trance. Chris looked at Jenna and tried to speak, but the hurt was too much.

This is tough on Chris, because all he has ever known was hurt. His wife, Jenna, knows she needs to remind Chris of his father's good qualities, so he can stop focusing on his hurtful words. It is important to focus on the good qualities of a person when you forgive them. Our minds hold onto images of what we see, hear, and do. Each person who enters our lives is drawn into our minds. When they hurt us, the image we see is of hurt and betrayal. After we forgive them, we must change that picture or we will continually go back to the hurt.