Finding My Father's Heart
7 February 2013
Over the lasr several months I have been on both a spiritual journey and a quest. Having spent a lot of time on two christian web sites with open blogs and forums I have been re-acquainted with all the doctrinal beliefs and persuasions, most of which are of the opinion that I am damned to hell for my life choices as a transexual woman. I have tried in vain to hold 2-way conversations on the sites but ultimately they revert back to their rhetorics. The constant judgements eventually weighed me down to a point where I returned to Scripture once again to find my answers. John 3:16 is a universally known verse and yet the balance of what Jesus said that day has been lost or ignored. In the proceeding verses Jesus lays the groundwork and in verses 14 & 15 He says "... so that whoever believs in Him will have eternal life". Verses 17 thru 21 expounds verse 16 and declare Jesus comes to save and not judge and goes on to verse 21 " But he who practices the truth comes to the Light so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought by God". I am a daughter of God redeemed and washd by the Blood of Jesus Christ and my life's total walk has been ever before the throne of God and He has not found darkness within me. Yes I am a transexual and if He provides finances and good health I will have my final surgery at some point, and yes I am married in the eyes of God to a transexual woman like myself and it is a pure and selfless love we have for one another and what happens in our bedroom is between Daddy and us. He brought us together in one of those "divine appointments" you sometimes hear about, niether of us were looking for a wife but were just building friendships. After walking daily with Daddy since 1971 my spirit is attuned to hear His voice, sense His Prescence and know His approval or een disapproval. I have lived a life of seeking to bring pleasure and honor to Him above all else and that has never changed.I was working in the yard today cutting back roses and pulling weeds and was once again reminded of the importance of preparing the ground, and the plants, in preparation for the season ahead. I found myself thinkng of how the last 4 years of my life have been a time of divine spiritual preparation within my heart with a great expetancy of the bursting forth of spring in the spiritual. I thought about Ezeliel 37 and the dry bones in the valley and I found myself being drawn back to the LGBT community and all the spiritually dead dry bones waiting to hear the Living Word of God and feel the Breath of the Holy Spirit infilling them with True Life. My mind wandered to Queen Esther and how God sovereignly positioned her in time and place to do His work of bringing salvation to the Jews and wondered who the Esthers and John the Baptists of this day in time would be that could reach the outcasts, the lepers, the hurting and bleeding beggars in our present world and found myself repenting for the thoughts I entertained concerning all our self righteous christian brothers and sisters. It takes a special emissary from God to walk into the places these people have been forced to habitate and congregate in so as not to touch the"godly decent" folks. Jesus never had any problems being with them but did get very agitated by the religious factions of that day, maybe we should take heed of how the Son of God reached His Father's sons and daughters. Matthew West, a christian artist, released a song called "Motions" and it is a very relevant song for today. A part of the chorus is "I don't want to spend my whole life asking 'what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?". I have determined to follow Jesus and be guided by the Holy Spirit and He alone. Israel built an Ark to contain the Prescence of God and evry since then men have continually built holy boxes called doctrines and dogma in a vain attempt to corral and contain and control the God who created the universe. No one has successfully done it yet and they never will, what they will do is control men and women's lives with their own personal beliefs and agendas like putting blinders on a horse.
My wife and I went to a Wednesday night service at a local fellowship tonite and in spite of thier loose format, worship unencumbered by any instruments but a piano, and an extended time of testimonies before a sister, not the pastor, shared a word from the Scripture and from a spirit that had been open to the Word of od coming alive within her own life. It was based on Lot and the basic theme was " looking forward and not looking back" I remembered Jesus speaking speaking of once putting your hand to the task and don't look back and once again I was reminded to press in to Daddy and press on in my own journey and looking ahead leaving my own past behind, it is strange where a quest to fulfil the destiny laid before you may take you. I have belonged to several megachurches and several denominations in my walk and yet the honesty and humility that filled the entire service was a living testimony to John 3:15-21. Did I mention that this church family was predominantly LGBT people and yet the Prescence of the Holy Spirit was noticeably present and abiding there and when the worship began you could sense in the spirit that the Father had set His Throne in ourt midst and was inhabiting our praises. These are the signs I look for when trying to find God's Heart in my day to day life and if men have problems with it maybe they need to spend time on their faces seeking the Face and Heart of God instead of sitting in church pews listening to men's teaching about what and who they think are God is and who His sons and daughters are. Be Blessed on your life journey and keep your eyes and ears attentive to the Creator God that made you!
