Last week was a bit crazy. My wife and I started our new ministry. It was a bit humbling, for out of all the invites that were sent out. I ended up with only one person showing up. We did our thing of fellowship, and I know the one that did show up is a future spiritual leader. We were successful, yet I am a little disappointed. Hoping for atleast 2-3 people, but I have to remember humble beginnings. We prayed and we received who needed to be here.
After last weeks craziness. I wake with a heart of reflection. Years ago I was kinda like a crusader, thinking I could fix the world. Now not so much. Long ago I leaned heavily on the Word of God. Today, I can barely get myself to read it. I used to look at people thinking I could make their lives better, now I am very picky about who I help.
My theory is in 2012, my problems began to reach a critical point and I began falling apart. December was the month I fell apart on the alter of just how tired I was of all the physical pain I was in. 2013 has been a year of transition. I could no longer carry the yoke at my old work place. I tried so hard to prevent others from experiencing the pain I was in to the point I could no longer take the pain myself. Where I would seek strength from God to help me endure... I couldn't do it any more. I did what was completely the opposite of my character. I was just angry and just said I can't do this any more.
2013, the Lord helped me to let go of the yoke I was carrying for so long. Over time my back pain became my motivator to escape. From the hard work of creating my resume to applying for new work. Over the summer the Lord gave me my new job. I work from home and in lot less pain. I have much to be thankful for.
Recent events have brought forth my ministry of equipping and encouraging people. The Lord has me preaching and teaching again. Yet I feel like I am missing something. Like I lost parts of myself over the past years. I am in a great position to get some things done, but my heart and motives are not as strong.
Remembering how I used to look at people and wonder what God placed inside of them. Now.. in all honesty I don't really care unless they care. I don't see someone teachable, I rather be left alone to do what I enjoy doing. Ironic thing is, my past time is playing MMO game. In the game I been identifying new players and helping them learn the basics of the game, help equip them with good gear, teach them how to survive, and help them discover what type of pilot they are. Also I preach to wing(guild) leaders, learning what their visions are and encouraging them. In essence, I am doing my ministry in a video game lol
Maybe I gave up on reality and poured myself into this virtual reality. Where reality shuts me down, I get lost in this game where I think I can make a difference in. Where reality for a moment gave me purpose and a place to belong, now I found it in this game. I am a part of a community, a squad of players that stand together, part of a force that tries to make a difference. I wonder my desires to belong and be part of something greater than myself got lost. Like I gave up on Christianity in this world, and found a substitute.
I knew a long time ago I would have to give up the game. As an introvert, getting lost in my own worlds comes easy. Video games has always been a way for me to escape reality. I tried to give them up completely, but after being burdened for so long. I just gave up. Kinda like my reward for taking so much punishment. Now I am so embedded, I don't know how to let it go. To offer it up like a sacrifice. To say good bye to guys I call friend.
Maybe today is a baby step of what is to come. What needs to happen for me surrender all of me to my Lord and savior. Maybe I need help believing I can make a difference in peoples lives again. That I can spare them my pain, the pain of not knowing who or what they are.
Maybe I need help believing again.
After last weeks craziness. I wake with a heart of reflection. Years ago I was kinda like a crusader, thinking I could fix the world. Now not so much. Long ago I leaned heavily on the Word of God. Today, I can barely get myself to read it. I used to look at people thinking I could make their lives better, now I am very picky about who I help.
My theory is in 2012, my problems began to reach a critical point and I began falling apart. December was the month I fell apart on the alter of just how tired I was of all the physical pain I was in. 2013 has been a year of transition. I could no longer carry the yoke at my old work place. I tried so hard to prevent others from experiencing the pain I was in to the point I could no longer take the pain myself. Where I would seek strength from God to help me endure... I couldn't do it any more. I did what was completely the opposite of my character. I was just angry and just said I can't do this any more.
2013, the Lord helped me to let go of the yoke I was carrying for so long. Over time my back pain became my motivator to escape. From the hard work of creating my resume to applying for new work. Over the summer the Lord gave me my new job. I work from home and in lot less pain. I have much to be thankful for.
Recent events have brought forth my ministry of equipping and encouraging people. The Lord has me preaching and teaching again. Yet I feel like I am missing something. Like I lost parts of myself over the past years. I am in a great position to get some things done, but my heart and motives are not as strong.
Remembering how I used to look at people and wonder what God placed inside of them. Now.. in all honesty I don't really care unless they care. I don't see someone teachable, I rather be left alone to do what I enjoy doing. Ironic thing is, my past time is playing MMO game. In the game I been identifying new players and helping them learn the basics of the game, help equip them with good gear, teach them how to survive, and help them discover what type of pilot they are. Also I preach to wing(guild) leaders, learning what their visions are and encouraging them. In essence, I am doing my ministry in a video game lol
Maybe I gave up on reality and poured myself into this virtual reality. Where reality shuts me down, I get lost in this game where I think I can make a difference in. Where reality for a moment gave me purpose and a place to belong, now I found it in this game. I am a part of a community, a squad of players that stand together, part of a force that tries to make a difference. I wonder my desires to belong and be part of something greater than myself got lost. Like I gave up on Christianity in this world, and found a substitute.
I knew a long time ago I would have to give up the game. As an introvert, getting lost in my own worlds comes easy. Video games has always been a way for me to escape reality. I tried to give them up completely, but after being burdened for so long. I just gave up. Kinda like my reward for taking so much punishment. Now I am so embedded, I don't know how to let it go. To offer it up like a sacrifice. To say good bye to guys I call friend.
Maybe today is a baby step of what is to come. What needs to happen for me surrender all of me to my Lord and savior. Maybe I need help believing I can make a difference in peoples lives again. That I can spare them my pain, the pain of not knowing who or what they are.
Maybe I need help believing again.
