Title: In My Downtime
I needed a pen and a piece of paper to write, but I suppose this will work too..
Have you ever wondered why your life goes to the crap when your supposed to be happy? Or How about feeling numb, or absolutely nothing at all? That's how I feel...
I've got everything possible that could make a girl happy--I've got my daughter, I've got the boyfriend, and I've got the family and friends--so then why am I unhappy? I wish I could answer that question but I've managed to somehow turn the switch of emotion off?
Ever since I left Jason for Brad, I thought I'd be happier...but I'm not, so what's wrong with me?? I can't seem to cry all my feelings out, because I try to cry, but don't manage to get the feeling out--all I feel is anger and hate, but towards what? I don't know...
Whats bugging me today? Well, apparently I tossed and turned, and kicked in my sleep--I don't even remember it, but Brad does...he didn't sleep last night because of it--all I know is I tossed and turned and had a lot on my mind before bed last night...
What else is bugging me? I live with not one man, but two..both older than me, because Brad has a room mate--all I get is yelled at if not by one, by both...I thought I got myself out of the fighting and yelling by leaving Jason? Apparently not..I can't speak in this house, so instead when something bothers me, I bite my tongue and blast my music...ya, that's really the healthy way out...biting my tongue..but everyone knows that I can't hold everything in for long, so my next question is if I can't manage to cry...and all I feel is anger, then when will I snap?
I remember the last time I snapped, I ended up hospitalized...I don't want that again...my little girl keeps me strong and keeps me going, but I even yell at her...what's bugging me? I don't even really know, its like my mind has turnt off every possible way for me to possibly figure out or remember what is wrong with me...
I feel like running away...running as far as I can...leaving everything and everyone behind...I feel like Brad and I aren't working..I feel out of control of my life....I guess I feel like a gerbil--I want to just curl up into a ball and cry...and just be left alone...
So I guess this is what they say you feel like when you've hit rock bottom huh?
I needed a pen and a piece of paper to write, but I suppose this will work too..
Have you ever wondered why your life goes to the crap when your supposed to be happy? Or How about feeling numb, or absolutely nothing at all? That's how I feel...
I've got everything possible that could make a girl happy--I've got my daughter, I've got the boyfriend, and I've got the family and friends--so then why am I unhappy? I wish I could answer that question but I've managed to somehow turn the switch of emotion off?
Ever since I left Jason for Brad, I thought I'd be happier...but I'm not, so what's wrong with me?? I can't seem to cry all my feelings out, because I try to cry, but don't manage to get the feeling out--all I feel is anger and hate, but towards what? I don't know...
Whats bugging me today? Well, apparently I tossed and turned, and kicked in my sleep--I don't even remember it, but Brad does...he didn't sleep last night because of it--all I know is I tossed and turned and had a lot on my mind before bed last night...
What else is bugging me? I live with not one man, but two..both older than me, because Brad has a room mate--all I get is yelled at if not by one, by both...I thought I got myself out of the fighting and yelling by leaving Jason? Apparently not..I can't speak in this house, so instead when something bothers me, I bite my tongue and blast my music...ya, that's really the healthy way out...biting my tongue..but everyone knows that I can't hold everything in for long, so my next question is if I can't manage to cry...and all I feel is anger, then when will I snap?
I remember the last time I snapped, I ended up hospitalized...I don't want that again...my little girl keeps me strong and keeps me going, but I even yell at her...what's bugging me? I don't even really know, its like my mind has turnt off every possible way for me to possibly figure out or remember what is wrong with me...
I feel like running away...running as far as I can...leaving everything and everyone behind...I feel like Brad and I aren't working..I feel out of control of my life....I guess I feel like a gerbil--I want to just curl up into a ball and cry...and just be left alone...
So I guess this is what they say you feel like when you've hit rock bottom huh?
