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Charlie Kaufman: We open on Charlie Kaufman. Fat, old, bald, repulsive, sitting in a Hollywood restaurant, across from Valerie Thomas, a lovely, statuesque film executive. Kaufman, trying to get a writing assignment, wanting to impress her, sweats profusely. Fat, bald Kaufman paces furiously in his bedroom. He speaks into his hand held tape recorder, and he says: "Charlie Kaufman. Fat, bald, repulsive, old, sits at a Hollywood restaurant with Valerie Thomas"

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Charlie Kaufman: I've written myself into my screenplay.
Donald Kaufman: That's kind of weird, huh

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Pounced with fire on flaming roads/Using ideas as my maps

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Like all teenagers, I had a dream for what I wanted to be when I grew up. It wasnt to be rich or famous or healthy. It wasnt to be married or have kids or have a career. My dream was that Id grow up to a be a better man that my SOB father. Im pleased to say my dream came true, along with some other nice stuff as well.

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Well I'm fortunate to be able to say that I had a wonderful father whose memory is always with me so my dream was to be like him - "Still workin on that one, Dad"...

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Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliché

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