Work! had one of those weeks where everything just seemed to go wrong. (seemed).
my attempts to find solutions for issues wee being overlooked, the things that i did get right were not noticed. the smallest little thing out of place and it was like i had lost the moon.
after five days of this i was ready to kick somebody's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] myself.
yesterday, saturday i was heading out on the usual rounds for the morning, and it dawned on me.
the boss (acting) was only doing her job. she was not the one to blame. me? was i the one to blame for all the things that had gone wrong? no because that would make me fairly close to being omnipresent. so what is the go?
it wasnt the cat, i dont have one!
so what was it, who was to blame?
somebody has to be at fault, right?
WRONG!!!!
sometimes there is no fault. sometimes, well actually most of the time it is just the way it is.
digging a little deeper now, i started to see the resemblance in this week to many other periods in my life when i was the "person of blame".
eventually traced it right back into my childhood to find it had the same root cause as the overburden of guilt that had been, until a few years ago, mine to carry until the ends of the earth. the guilt is gone, the shame is gone, Christ lives where they used to reside.
but this blame! how? how has it managed to fly under the radar for so long when its two siblings have long been gotten rid of?
i dont have an answer for that question, but i do have one for the blame itself. i wrongly accepted a belief that if someone blamed me, then that person must be right.
self defence is not allowed. not allowed to stand up and be right.
heavy stuff, but it is losing its place in my heart mind and spirit. i no longer accept unwarranted unprovable blame. if i have done the worng thing i will ackowledge it and move on, if the blame is placed on me without truth, then it will just slide off, i will rebuke it and i will speak the truth.
here ends the psych lesson for today.
cheers and love
Tom
my attempts to find solutions for issues wee being overlooked, the things that i did get right were not noticed. the smallest little thing out of place and it was like i had lost the moon.
after five days of this i was ready to kick somebody's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] myself.
yesterday, saturday i was heading out on the usual rounds for the morning, and it dawned on me.
the boss (acting) was only doing her job. she was not the one to blame. me? was i the one to blame for all the things that had gone wrong? no because that would make me fairly close to being omnipresent. so what is the go?
it wasnt the cat, i dont have one!
so what was it, who was to blame?
somebody has to be at fault, right?
WRONG!!!!
sometimes there is no fault. sometimes, well actually most of the time it is just the way it is.
digging a little deeper now, i started to see the resemblance in this week to many other periods in my life when i was the "person of blame".
eventually traced it right back into my childhood to find it had the same root cause as the overburden of guilt that had been, until a few years ago, mine to carry until the ends of the earth. the guilt is gone, the shame is gone, Christ lives where they used to reside.
but this blame! how? how has it managed to fly under the radar for so long when its two siblings have long been gotten rid of?
i dont have an answer for that question, but i do have one for the blame itself. i wrongly accepted a belief that if someone blamed me, then that person must be right.
self defence is not allowed. not allowed to stand up and be right.
heavy stuff, but it is losing its place in my heart mind and spirit. i no longer accept unwarranted unprovable blame. if i have done the worng thing i will ackowledge it and move on, if the blame is placed on me without truth, then it will just slide off, i will rebuke it and i will speak the truth.
here ends the psych lesson for today.
cheers and love
Tom
