So I’ve posted a couple of things on the forums without much response. I do want a response because I crave interaction but I also have realized that I really write because it’s helpful to me.
I think I want to write and then post (blog) because we all are created with the deep need to be…understood?…appreciated?…heard?
I’m feeling pretty encouraged today in general.
I pray every night before I go to sleep. If I am not able to fall asleep immediately then I like to daydream or fantasize.
I imagine what it would be like to have a house. I picture myself with enough room for each of my kids to have their own space and for us all not to be walking on top of each other.
I used to imagine having a relationship. Now that I have accepted the reality that I will never have that I am a little bit at a loss on what to imagine for my future.
It was a lot easier when I still hoped for a husband. I could imagine us being in church together, praying and worshipping together, being a family and a couple.
I pictured a future that held companionship and…well…just someone to share life with.
Now that I know that won’t happen I have to make up new future plans.
It’s a struggle. I always believed I would share my life with a partner. I never pictured what my future would look like without one. It’s starting over. All my future plans, thoughts, hopes-they all have to be adjusted to singleness.
I do hope and pray that at the very least I will have friends. I have had friends before, women who have been a lifesaver to me. I haven’t seen either one for months now. They are too busy. They love me, and I them, but there isn’t time to get together.
I’m not ‘the life of the party’ but I have social graces…but no friends.
I have a number of faults. I’ll list them just for fun.
1) I am a deeply intense person.
2) I am so open and straightforward that it is awkward for many who are used to being reserved.
3) I highly value emotional intimacy-in fact I need it.
4) I can’t stand the though of offending anyone and apologize often.
5) I am unmoving in my convictions.
6) I am always struggling with; barely making financial ends meet, being exhausted with the role of single parenting, struggling with my self-esteem.
7) I’m a lousy housekeeper.
8) I would rather have a good conversation with someone than almost any other activity. (Almost!)
9) I’m a single woman in my 30’s and keep wondering why God won’t relieve my of my libido when I beg him to over and over.
Okay, well there are a few. Then there are all the sins I commit but that would be a different blog.
So, I probably come across as pathetically needy-yuck!
Okay, back to my point. I wonder how long it will take to get used to picturing/planning my future now that it is so different.
I suppose I will get used it. I know God will provide for my needs and that my joy comes from Him and not my life’s circumstances.
I hate to sound whiny and complaining…I hope this blog does not sound that way.
But, since I have no one to talk to…I guess I can allow myself to just be me.
Oh yeah, in being analytical and introspective I see a definite connection to the date and why I am focusing as I am on such things.
In five days, on September 3, it will be my one-year wedding anniversary. My husband has filed for divorce and it won’t be final until October or November.
This was not my first marriage-but it is definitely my last.
It sucks…it hurts…it’s my reality.
I think I want to write and then post (blog) because we all are created with the deep need to be…understood?…appreciated?…heard?
I’m feeling pretty encouraged today in general.
I pray every night before I go to sleep. If I am not able to fall asleep immediately then I like to daydream or fantasize.
I imagine what it would be like to have a house. I picture myself with enough room for each of my kids to have their own space and for us all not to be walking on top of each other.
I used to imagine having a relationship. Now that I have accepted the reality that I will never have that I am a little bit at a loss on what to imagine for my future.
It was a lot easier when I still hoped for a husband. I could imagine us being in church together, praying and worshipping together, being a family and a couple.
I pictured a future that held companionship and…well…just someone to share life with.
Now that I know that won’t happen I have to make up new future plans.
It’s a struggle. I always believed I would share my life with a partner. I never pictured what my future would look like without one. It’s starting over. All my future plans, thoughts, hopes-they all have to be adjusted to singleness.
I do hope and pray that at the very least I will have friends. I have had friends before, women who have been a lifesaver to me. I haven’t seen either one for months now. They are too busy. They love me, and I them, but there isn’t time to get together.
I’m not ‘the life of the party’ but I have social graces…but no friends.
I have a number of faults. I’ll list them just for fun.
1) I am a deeply intense person.
2) I am so open and straightforward that it is awkward for many who are used to being reserved.
3) I highly value emotional intimacy-in fact I need it.
4) I can’t stand the though of offending anyone and apologize often.
5) I am unmoving in my convictions.
6) I am always struggling with; barely making financial ends meet, being exhausted with the role of single parenting, struggling with my self-esteem.
7) I’m a lousy housekeeper.
8) I would rather have a good conversation with someone than almost any other activity. (Almost!)
9) I’m a single woman in my 30’s and keep wondering why God won’t relieve my of my libido when I beg him to over and over.
Okay, well there are a few. Then there are all the sins I commit but that would be a different blog.
So, I probably come across as pathetically needy-yuck!
Okay, back to my point. I wonder how long it will take to get used to picturing/planning my future now that it is so different.
I suppose I will get used it. I know God will provide for my needs and that my joy comes from Him and not my life’s circumstances.
I hate to sound whiny and complaining…I hope this blog does not sound that way.
But, since I have no one to talk to…I guess I can allow myself to just be me.
Oh yeah, in being analytical and introspective I see a definite connection to the date and why I am focusing as I am on such things.
In five days, on September 3, it will be my one-year wedding anniversary. My husband has filed for divorce and it won’t be final until October or November.
This was not my first marriage-but it is definitely my last.
It sucks…it hurts…it’s my reality.
