Dear god,
Why did you create me for the sole fact that life has been constantly crappy. Yes I have good mems too. But I hate this world I'm forced to be in. I'm sick if the constant hurt I've delt with almost 2 years. I'm sick of God's guess & wait game. I'm sick of always being the one who wasn't good enough. I'm sick of waiting on answers that may never come. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm sick if having my life pulled out from under me time & again. I'm sick of everything in life being a "do you trust me" marathon. I'm sick of always crying so much bc my heart breaks all over again every day. I'm sick if praying for a husband when clearly god must want me alone. But constantly having happy couples flaunted I my face & shoved down my throat. I'm sick of feeling like God's time is like our governments time...hurry up & wait. I'm sick of loosing everything. I'm sick of every day god forcing me to be part of an existence I never chose to be a part if. I'm sick if feeling God created me to experience not a thing but loneliness & silence.
Can you hear me lord? Will you read this? I'd love to pray tonight to meet the live if my life finally,but I know doing so for the billionth time will do me no good. I don't even bother to pray for myself anymore. Or for anyone it anything else. Why bother? My cries & prayers fall on def ears. Seems like when I mess up the chastised process couldn't be shipped expediently fast enough...but when it comes time for a blessing,I'm expected to wait the day before my death to receive. Why can't you see how miserable I am down here? I'm sure you may but why don't you care? I'm not asking you for billions of dollars & your son's life again. All I want is somebody to live me...& That's even more than I apparently deserve. I hate,detest,loath & despise this life you forced me to be in. But you get your glory & praise no matter what. Glad that someone is my enjoying my life like this. I'd pray to die,but I know I'm not getting out that easy. God you said in your word to "try you". Is that a dare? Ok. I dare you to answer a prayer. And I double dig date you to answer one I a timely manner. I dare you to let me experience a lasting marriage. I dare you to actually make a point instead of everything pertaining to you being a trust his timing. I dare you to realize that unlike you,er don't have eternity to work & mice at our own pace. Come boldly to you,you say? Well with these written letters I make as we speak,I am boldly daring you to challenge those dates. I guess in faith I'll have to wait who knows how long I'll be waiting on an answer to that. I thank you for the blessings you have managed to let me keep in my life for more than a year. Your not lonely. You made man for companionship., you sure ducked the daggers of lonleness that I'm suppose to just sit & wait through with no promise of an answer from you. "It's not good thY man should be alone". I guess he changed his mind on that when it came to me. God you created these feelings we have to desire a partner,but cruelly put that desire in us,then expect us to he happy you want us alone? Do us both a favor lord,& save my time & yours & just let me come home now.
For you lord. Oh to be born into a prison planet,with your very own nature against you,an enemy that has acted like a child god can't say no to when it comes to misery in my life. Oh,remember job? He had it very bad. Must be nice to have the Lord care enough to speak to you directly.
Forgive my attitude lord. Life has beat me down & I'm over crying. I'm mad now. This is my rant. My hurt coming out in words. God gives us every reason to be cynical,then expects us not to be.
I just wonder how you would fare god? being subject to a God who treats you the way you treat us. Your lucky god. You just sit & receive praise while the know universe has to be content while your whims.
Again forgive my thinking lord. But it would be nice to know you really cared,& actually cared enough to assure a broken heart with the simplest of signs. So hears to faith driven insanity
Why did you create me for the sole fact that life has been constantly crappy. Yes I have good mems too. But I hate this world I'm forced to be in. I'm sick if the constant hurt I've delt with almost 2 years. I'm sick of God's guess & wait game. I'm sick of always being the one who wasn't good enough. I'm sick of waiting on answers that may never come. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm sick if having my life pulled out from under me time & again. I'm sick of everything in life being a "do you trust me" marathon. I'm sick of always crying so much bc my heart breaks all over again every day. I'm sick if praying for a husband when clearly god must want me alone. But constantly having happy couples flaunted I my face & shoved down my throat. I'm sick of feeling like God's time is like our governments time...hurry up & wait. I'm sick of loosing everything. I'm sick of every day god forcing me to be part of an existence I never chose to be a part if. I'm sick if feeling God created me to experience not a thing but loneliness & silence.
Can you hear me lord? Will you read this? I'd love to pray tonight to meet the live if my life finally,but I know doing so for the billionth time will do me no good. I don't even bother to pray for myself anymore. Or for anyone it anything else. Why bother? My cries & prayers fall on def ears. Seems like when I mess up the chastised process couldn't be shipped expediently fast enough...but when it comes time for a blessing,I'm expected to wait the day before my death to receive. Why can't you see how miserable I am down here? I'm sure you may but why don't you care? I'm not asking you for billions of dollars & your son's life again. All I want is somebody to live me...& That's even more than I apparently deserve. I hate,detest,loath & despise this life you forced me to be in. But you get your glory & praise no matter what. Glad that someone is my enjoying my life like this. I'd pray to die,but I know I'm not getting out that easy. God you said in your word to "try you". Is that a dare? Ok. I dare you to answer a prayer. And I double dig date you to answer one I a timely manner. I dare you to let me experience a lasting marriage. I dare you to actually make a point instead of everything pertaining to you being a trust his timing. I dare you to realize that unlike you,er don't have eternity to work & mice at our own pace. Come boldly to you,you say? Well with these written letters I make as we speak,I am boldly daring you to challenge those dates. I guess in faith I'll have to wait who knows how long I'll be waiting on an answer to that. I thank you for the blessings you have managed to let me keep in my life for more than a year. Your not lonely. You made man for companionship., you sure ducked the daggers of lonleness that I'm suppose to just sit & wait through with no promise of an answer from you. "It's not good thY man should be alone". I guess he changed his mind on that when it came to me. God you created these feelings we have to desire a partner,but cruelly put that desire in us,then expect us to he happy you want us alone? Do us both a favor lord,& save my time & yours & just let me come home now.
For you lord. Oh to be born into a prison planet,with your very own nature against you,an enemy that has acted like a child god can't say no to when it comes to misery in my life. Oh,remember job? He had it very bad. Must be nice to have the Lord care enough to speak to you directly.
Forgive my attitude lord. Life has beat me down & I'm over crying. I'm mad now. This is my rant. My hurt coming out in words. God gives us every reason to be cynical,then expects us not to be.
I just wonder how you would fare god? being subject to a God who treats you the way you treat us. Your lucky god. You just sit & receive praise while the know universe has to be content while your whims.
Again forgive my thinking lord. But it would be nice to know you really cared,& actually cared enough to assure a broken heart with the simplest of signs. So hears to faith driven insanity
