development

a fantasy bond that protects me is being investigated by the child in me and God.. An answer is 4th coming, as I am watching movement in the abandon adolescent years of my life. With out development in those years, one cannot stand, they fumble and die away with little hope or movement...

This world is a brutal affair, no one listens, and if they do, they care little about the truth... One feels alone,, if one has God, they may survive this..
I choose God and not the world.. I fumble alone..

Slowly with Gods help he has led me to the people, places and things to help my development. THese developmental years were, are hard years... Harder then I can stand or with-stand.. Trauma ruled these rivers..

I have to remember that others are not on my side in this. They are looking out for themselves.
Im attempting to break through the traumas of the past that I may work through those unfortunate holy years of death....

Im alive, I have to remember this... and keep going, keep getting on my knees to God...

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So many fakes out here in LA LA land.. They neither go to heaven and keep many others from going...

Heaven has a strange ring to it... strange sounds... Sounds like abuse, when I was younger, or sexual abuse..

I have much to work on with God.. I pray he brings the people I need to work with. Helps with the abandonment issues...

I depend on God for my life....

I have to gain back my formative years, those years from 8 to 18; these years were brutally destroyed by destroyers...

I loose hope at times.. I have no place to rest my head... I get tired of all the judgments and insanities...

Im on the right road to recovery!...