I thought I'd share something I wrote to my prayer counselor 5 years ago after I had some memories return in the form of a dream. The dream was very much a "memory" as well as some symbolism mixed in. It struck me that this is a perfect picture of how denial and dissociation works.
Dec, 15, 2009
I had the strangest dream last night, Lisa... I feel like I want to write it out. (Sort of get it out of my system.)
I dreamed I was about age 10 (or so) again (not sure the age, but young).
I was moving away, yet it wasn't my family (now) moving, and it wasn't my family (my mom, dad, brother, sister) ...it was just me moving. And I was with some people... they were taking me (by car) to a new house (new to me).
We were traveling through some mountains .....it was beautiful! And we came to this house, where this family lived.
It was Christmas time ...I remember lights on some houses. (Christmas lights.)
We drove into the driveway of this house ...of the family I was to live with, and their house was really neat! Large! It was a few stories tall... odd-shaped. They showed me a bedroom ...supposing it was where I'd sleep. The bed was odd-shaped as well, and really "new aged" looking... but comfy... like it had air-filled "mattresses" stacked up on a platform. From the bed, I could look out the window and see a huge, beautiful mountain! My window faced the road (2 lanes) that the house was on, and the mountain was up against the road.
Anyway... then I went downstairs and was in the dining room (I think it was). There was like a screened porch or sun room off the DR. I could see out the storm door (of the sun room) into the neighbor's yard, and they had several little goats. I was looking at them, and one little white goat spotted me looking at it (you will not believe, haha! ) ...umm, the goat saw me looking at it, and started running toward "our" yard! (There was a wooden fence and a cattle guard over the driveway.) It jumped over the cattle guard and into the yard of the house I was at! Then it ran up to the storm door and butted its head on it, and (in a goat-like voice) said, "I want yooooou!" .....really cute! Not scary, just odd! (I know, CRAZY!!) I was shocked!! ...and the goat just looked at me expectantly, like I was supposed to think that was normal! And so the goat backed up and ran at the door again, butted its head on the door, and said it again... "I want yoooou!" (about 4 times) And about that time, the boy and girl (siblings) of the family came into the dining room to talk to me about something... and I was like... "Hey! ...the goat!!" They wouldn't even listen to me, and kept trying to tell me about some toy or something, and ....the boy was eating a hot dog or something. But I kept saying... "The goat!! ...it talks!" (Like, I was sure they knew ....but they wouldn't acknowledge it was true??!!?) And the boy finally said, "Yeah... you think the goat said 'I want you' ...right?" I said, "Yeah!" He just rolled his eyes and said... "It only sounds like that, but the goat isn't really talking!" (SO weird!) But the goat was so cute! Little and white with a tiny voice.
And then it became night, and ...this is really long, I know ...but it became night, and the mom was taking us somewhere in middle of the night. And she was SO SO grumpy... griping about everything! And so we got into her car... me, the boy and girl, and some old lady (she was really old, too ...had to have a little aid to get into the car) ...to go someplace in middle of the night. And when we opened the car door, there was a cat inside the car... really mean! It squealed, and the woman said to her son, "Take that cat and put her in the pen!" (??? ...because she was always getting into the car and she was wild and no one could handle her.) And then we went to some remote place and met this old man... I remember his features, even ...blue eyes.
Just WEIRD!! Like ...I dreamed I had a whole other life, and family or something. It was like I knew this family from somewhere ...like I had never seen them, yet I knew them, and they knew me - all of them. I know it was only a dream, but it's such a weird feeling!!
Okay.... that's all! Whew! It just was one of those dreams that sticks with you! And the whole thing played out like a running movie.
(Weird, huh??! Hehe!!)
Do you notice the symbolism?
The goat was white and cute (sort of inviting) and yet representing "evil" and trying to get my attention and speaking to me, "I want you!" The notion that it was "normal" and yet telling yourself, "It only SEEMS to be... but it really isn't!"
*There is specific programming related to this in SRA... such as the "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" programming ...very elaborate DENIAL programming.
Dec, 15, 2009
I had the strangest dream last night, Lisa... I feel like I want to write it out. (Sort of get it out of my system.)
I dreamed I was about age 10 (or so) again (not sure the age, but young).
I was moving away, yet it wasn't my family (now) moving, and it wasn't my family (my mom, dad, brother, sister) ...it was just me moving. And I was with some people... they were taking me (by car) to a new house (new to me).
We were traveling through some mountains .....it was beautiful! And we came to this house, where this family lived.
It was Christmas time ...I remember lights on some houses. (Christmas lights.)
We drove into the driveway of this house ...of the family I was to live with, and their house was really neat! Large! It was a few stories tall... odd-shaped. They showed me a bedroom ...supposing it was where I'd sleep. The bed was odd-shaped as well, and really "new aged" looking... but comfy... like it had air-filled "mattresses" stacked up on a platform. From the bed, I could look out the window and see a huge, beautiful mountain! My window faced the road (2 lanes) that the house was on, and the mountain was up against the road.
Anyway... then I went downstairs and was in the dining room (I think it was). There was like a screened porch or sun room off the DR. I could see out the storm door (of the sun room) into the neighbor's yard, and they had several little goats. I was looking at them, and one little white goat spotted me looking at it (you will not believe, haha! ) ...umm, the goat saw me looking at it, and started running toward "our" yard! (There was a wooden fence and a cattle guard over the driveway.) It jumped over the cattle guard and into the yard of the house I was at! Then it ran up to the storm door and butted its head on it, and (in a goat-like voice) said, "I want yooooou!" .....really cute! Not scary, just odd! (I know, CRAZY!!) I was shocked!! ...and the goat just looked at me expectantly, like I was supposed to think that was normal! And so the goat backed up and ran at the door again, butted its head on the door, and said it again... "I want yoooou!" (about 4 times) And about that time, the boy and girl (siblings) of the family came into the dining room to talk to me about something... and I was like... "Hey! ...the goat!!" They wouldn't even listen to me, and kept trying to tell me about some toy or something, and ....the boy was eating a hot dog or something. But I kept saying... "The goat!! ...it talks!" (Like, I was sure they knew ....but they wouldn't acknowledge it was true??!!?) And the boy finally said, "Yeah... you think the goat said 'I want you' ...right?" I said, "Yeah!" He just rolled his eyes and said... "It only sounds like that, but the goat isn't really talking!" (SO weird!) But the goat was so cute! Little and white with a tiny voice.
And then it became night, and ...this is really long, I know ...but it became night, and the mom was taking us somewhere in middle of the night. And she was SO SO grumpy... griping about everything! And so we got into her car... me, the boy and girl, and some old lady (she was really old, too ...had to have a little aid to get into the car) ...to go someplace in middle of the night. And when we opened the car door, there was a cat inside the car... really mean! It squealed, and the woman said to her son, "Take that cat and put her in the pen!" (??? ...because she was always getting into the car and she was wild and no one could handle her.) And then we went to some remote place and met this old man... I remember his features, even ...blue eyes.
Just WEIRD!! Like ...I dreamed I had a whole other life, and family or something. It was like I knew this family from somewhere ...like I had never seen them, yet I knew them, and they knew me - all of them. I know it was only a dream, but it's such a weird feeling!!
Okay.... that's all! Whew! It just was one of those dreams that sticks with you! And the whole thing played out like a running movie.
(Weird, huh??! Hehe!!)
Do you notice the symbolism?
The goat was white and cute (sort of inviting) and yet representing "evil" and trying to get my attention and speaking to me, "I want you!" The notion that it was "normal" and yet telling yourself, "It only SEEMS to be... but it really isn't!"
*There is specific programming related to this in SRA... such as the "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" programming ...very elaborate DENIAL programming.
