crushed

I am so mad god and hurt and again not able to sleep a wink. I have things to do a paper to write a bby to care for and I feel like my life is falling apart and I can't take it. I am too overwhelmed I'm in over my head I need u lord. What is sad is that I'm so used to being hurt that I wouldn't know what normal is. God I am crushed. I feel like I'm flattened on the ground like a pancake. I can't function. All I can do is feel.. the pain. And it keeps replaying yet its disturbedly comforting bc its better than nothing. I can't god... I can't I can't I can't. I would truly kill myself right now if not for my kids. They would be crushed. I don't want them to experience even an ounce of this pain I seem to always live with. I need rescued.. can't even stand.