Friday morning I finally came here to CF.
I needed a place that I could come grow, and repair my state of being.
A bit of preface about me:
Currently I am 19 and stationed in Korea.
I was born in Florida and raised in Washington State. Most of my day at work consists of writing reports or watching Korean Maintenance personnel work on the buildings I oversee. I am the low man on the totem pole at only the rank of PFC. There are only two people in my company lower in rank then I am.
A lot of my time is spent at a computer working on whatever new project or skill that I want to acquire. I am slowly obtaining a degree in Computer Information Systems.
Now my darker side... I have lots of porn... but I was so deep in that normal porn did not satisfy my for long. I am ashamed to admit that I have seen nearly everything under the sun, and enjoyed it. This is what I am trying most to overcome. I have also lost my virginity during premarital sex. Truly I was a proud person and nothing could phase me.
About 6 months ago I began contemplating suicide and sank into depression. This about the same time that I felt someone was answering my thoughts. Problem was sometimes I let the darker voice take over and block out God's. Just recently my behavioral health specialist helped me break through my denial and learn just how unhappy and depressed I was. That is when I decided to come here.
Now I know that was a long preface to these thoughts but hey, I needed it to get out there.
Today, I feel much better now that I know I am going to receive the help that I need. Also now as I type my porn is dissipating. All 200Gb of it is being removed from my harddrive permanently. While I will still feel the urge to touch I can do it at least without the horrendous stuff that I had. Starting tomorrow (I am running short on time today) I am going to dedicate at least an hour a day to reading my Bible and recording my favorite versus from it.
Also today I met simpleman (I cannot remember his name's spelling) who inspired me to live better, and start writing again. Thank you friend, I hope to be 1% the man you are when I grow a bit older.
I pray for strength in these endeavors and protection for all of Gods children.
I needed a place that I could come grow, and repair my state of being.
A bit of preface about me:
Currently I am 19 and stationed in Korea.
I was born in Florida and raised in Washington State. Most of my day at work consists of writing reports or watching Korean Maintenance personnel work on the buildings I oversee. I am the low man on the totem pole at only the rank of PFC. There are only two people in my company lower in rank then I am.
A lot of my time is spent at a computer working on whatever new project or skill that I want to acquire. I am slowly obtaining a degree in Computer Information Systems.
Now my darker side... I have lots of porn... but I was so deep in that normal porn did not satisfy my for long. I am ashamed to admit that I have seen nearly everything under the sun, and enjoyed it. This is what I am trying most to overcome. I have also lost my virginity during premarital sex. Truly I was a proud person and nothing could phase me.
About 6 months ago I began contemplating suicide and sank into depression. This about the same time that I felt someone was answering my thoughts. Problem was sometimes I let the darker voice take over and block out God's. Just recently my behavioral health specialist helped me break through my denial and learn just how unhappy and depressed I was. That is when I decided to come here.
Now I know that was a long preface to these thoughts but hey, I needed it to get out there.
Today, I feel much better now that I know I am going to receive the help that I need. Also now as I type my porn is dissipating. All 200Gb of it is being removed from my harddrive permanently. While I will still feel the urge to touch I can do it at least without the horrendous stuff that I had. Starting tomorrow (I am running short on time today) I am going to dedicate at least an hour a day to reading my Bible and recording my favorite versus from it.
Also today I met simpleman (I cannot remember his name's spelling) who inspired me to live better, and start writing again. Thank you friend, I hope to be 1% the man you are when I grow a bit older.
I pray for strength in these endeavors and protection for all of Gods children.
