A few months ago, I posted this. I wanted to re-post it just because of how much I love it though 
These were my responses to common child-free questions. Enjoy!
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When are you going to have children?!
When they come out potty-trained, college-educated, and pre-enrolled in a high-paying job.
Why don't you want children?
I don't like them. If you don't like dogs, you don't get a dog. Common sense.
Is that the only reason?
No. I also have four (4) diagnosed mental-health conditions of varying intensities, all of which I neither want to inflict on, nor pass on to, a child.
Any other reasons?
Yes: I'm selfish. Sue me. I don't mind admitting it... I love having money, and objects, and food. And I want it all to myself, at my leisure, when I want it, where I want it, me me me (well, "us us us" [my husband]). I guess this is the definition of "selfish" today, even though it's also the motivating factor in most people's lives be them parents or not. But if you don't want kids, capitalism is automatically selfish.
It's different if it's your own kid!
Yeah, you can't give them back. No thanks. In actuality, I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. The argument doesn't work on someone who actually has had a kid, but given it up.
Your child could grow up to cure cancer!
My child could grow up to be a serial killer too. My bets are on homicidal maniac.
You were a kid once, too!
So was Hitler.
Don't you want to hear the pitter patter of little feet?
If I ever get that craving, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Why'd you get married if you didn't want kids?
... Because I love my husband and see him for more than a reproductive organ? Shocking, I know. I'm also looking forward to a long, healthy marriage of not arguing about children or money.
God wants you to have kids!
No, God wants you to stop judging other people's lifestyle choices.
If everyone thought the way you did, the population would die out!
Do you have any idea how many people there are on the planet right now?
If your mom felt like you do, you wouldn't be here!
Then I wouldn't have to be answering these questions. I don't see a down-side.
It's the most important job in the world!
Notify the White House...
My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.
Come on now, you aren't giving yourself a lot of credit here... no need to get negative about your life.
You might change your mind!
An asteroid might kill you on your way to work tomorrow morning too, calculate the odds at about the same percentage and get back to me.
You sound bitter.
Years of douchebags questioning my lifestyle choices will eventually do that to a person. Besides, that's intelligent and bitter, thank you very much.
Anything else?
You're being selfish!
And you're jealous that I have the luxury to be selfish. Besides, from my vantage point? Not creating a child that I know I can't take care of, not to mention don't even want, is about the least selfish thing I could possibly do.
By the way... of all the starving children in the world, how many have you personally adopted rather than putting more mouths to feed on the planet?
... what's that?
... a little louder, I can't hear you when you whisper sheepishly ...
Oh, NONE?
Well then...
These were my responses to common child-free questions. Enjoy!---------------------------------------------
When are you going to have children?!
When they come out potty-trained, college-educated, and pre-enrolled in a high-paying job.
Why don't you want children?
I don't like them. If you don't like dogs, you don't get a dog. Common sense.
Is that the only reason?
No. I also have four (4) diagnosed mental-health conditions of varying intensities, all of which I neither want to inflict on, nor pass on to, a child.
Any other reasons?
Yes: I'm selfish. Sue me. I don't mind admitting it... I love having money, and objects, and food. And I want it all to myself, at my leisure, when I want it, where I want it, me me me (well, "us us us" [my husband]). I guess this is the definition of "selfish" today, even though it's also the motivating factor in most people's lives be them parents or not. But if you don't want kids, capitalism is automatically selfish.
It's different if it's your own kid!
Yeah, you can't give them back. No thanks. In actuality, I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. The argument doesn't work on someone who actually has had a kid, but given it up.
Your child could grow up to cure cancer!
My child could grow up to be a serial killer too. My bets are on homicidal maniac.
You were a kid once, too!
So was Hitler.
Don't you want to hear the pitter patter of little feet?
If I ever get that craving, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Why'd you get married if you didn't want kids?
... Because I love my husband and see him for more than a reproductive organ? Shocking, I know. I'm also looking forward to a long, healthy marriage of not arguing about children or money.
God wants you to have kids!
No, God wants you to stop judging other people's lifestyle choices.
If everyone thought the way you did, the population would die out!
Do you have any idea how many people there are on the planet right now?
If your mom felt like you do, you wouldn't be here!
Then I wouldn't have to be answering these questions. I don't see a down-side.
It's the most important job in the world!
Notify the White House...
My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.
Come on now, you aren't giving yourself a lot of credit here... no need to get negative about your life.
You might change your mind!
An asteroid might kill you on your way to work tomorrow morning too, calculate the odds at about the same percentage and get back to me.
You sound bitter.
Years of douchebags questioning my lifestyle choices will eventually do that to a person. Besides, that's intelligent and bitter, thank you very much.
Anything else?
You're being selfish!
And you're jealous that I have the luxury to be selfish. Besides, from my vantage point? Not creating a child that I know I can't take care of, not to mention don't even want, is about the least selfish thing I could possibly do.
By the way... of all the starving children in the world, how many have you personally adopted rather than putting more mouths to feed on the planet?
... what's that?
... a little louder, I can't hear you when you whisper sheepishly ...
Oh, NONE?
Well then...
