Blesses Blog

This is day one of my blog. I wonder if this is like a journal. Well I am glad I found this. Today was a yucky day for me. Work was almost unbearable after I was really getting used to talking to God each day and trying to get closer to him. I know he knows me more than I do him. Sometimes I forget to talk to him for hours and then I remember that I had forgot to talk to him. Its not good, me being like that. I dont know what really motivates me about these things. I dont know if I really want a relationship with God or am I afraid that if I dont pursue one, then, I would be lost. I'm very frustrated right now. I dont know if I dont pray, will God stop pursuing me or revealing himself to me? I dont know. I dont know is really going on in my christian walk or if I have one at all. I dont know what a christian walk is supposed to be. I just dont want to give up before I connect with God.
I get too discouraged so soon. And I want to talk to my pastor's wife now after a long time but I am afraid she will blow me off like before. I dont have enough strength to be rejected again. I dont want to push people away or be bitter against them, after just asking God for forgiveness for not giving it.

blesses