I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV)
I came home from work this morning, suddenly feeling revitalized with the need to know Him. Part of it was going thru the boards here this am, seeing so many different threads on different topics and things to read whether one is a Christian or not!
I want to know him with my heart not just with my head. I want to know the width and depth and height of his love.
Does the sentence "Once 'saved' always saved" apply here? If you said the sinners prayers many years ago and walked away from that, do you have to repeat it? or can you sep back into those shoes like you were never away?
I have to think and pray(yes, me pray) on the things i feel i have put up as walls to keep me from him.
One issue is the "perfection" thing. I have this complex that i cannot re-commit to God until i get myself ready and perfect. stop everything i think might qualif as a sin. start everything i dont do now like prayer and worship. Its easy to think "rome wasnt built in a day", but harder to tell yourself that god wants me for who i am, regardless of the state of perfection i am at.(or not)
i suppose sin is why i walked away from god five years ago. i felt i was doing something i shouldnt under Gods eyes. (this was echoed by my pastor-or sis in laws pastor, whatever he was). but i felt i had no choice but to take that action, and i dont regret it. but i felt god wouldnt forgive me for it. so i just slammed up the wall and left.
it was easier to say "i dont want him" than " he might not want me now". ... i know, the behavior of a child.
now i dont know how to take the wall down. i think i will work on that first. i'm gonna try googling for bible passages on returning to god, or something. to give me some of his word to hold onto. something to read and tell myself when my brain tells me he won't take me back.
comments are welcome, especially if you have knowledge/exp on whether one has to get "re-saved" or not. (i wasnt baptized ever tho if that affects the answer).
pj