And You Come By Sons Of Korah

teresa said:

@Pilgrim, it became clear today that you are therapeutically healing me, as I project onto you what I would have to my real father, if he had only stayed, if he had only cared. He didn't listen. He didn't hear me or hear my cries for help. But you do. You are healing me by letting me do this projection onto you. You hear me when I cry. You care. You listen. You are there. You are responsive. I can count on you. Like a father-no mind that this is just a projection, its what I've needed-and all free of charge. No therapist has been able to get "it," with the "it" being this one profound thing that I've needed deep in my soul: my dad.

This has been the one missing factor in my entire life. My whole life and the choices I made are a reflection of that relationship and the dismal failure of it to teach me to like and to defend myself, my heart and my body from harm.

When my dad was taking pictures of me naked as a child, against my will, what I had needed instead was a strong protector. Someone to defend me. I have yearned for and longed for a "knight"-not that "thing" that I had standing there in the bathroom, in lieu of what a dad should be. In a fantasy world, I have dreamed of and cried for someone to save me, not leave me defenseless to navigate the world alone, without the skills I needed, nor the solid foundation of a family that had my back, not to mention my spirit.

The spirit of a child was stolen. The spirit of a child was broken.

So I ask you now, to not leave me. To please honor me by letting me continue to project onto you my image of the dad I always wanted, and to love.

I never needed a female mentor. I needed you. My role model and mentor.

This whole thing here has become a real gift.

and it is priceless

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