Forgiveness: the state of mind of pardoning another for their sins.
For the longest time, I could not forgive my parents for what emotional hurts that they had inflicted on me. The gradual wearing away of my self-worth as a human being almost drove me to the point of insanity. Even now, my heart is still like a cauldron of hot burning oil which bubbles over from time to time. But in order to get past that I have had to look deep within myself. In essence, in hanging on to my bitterness, it had become an obsession.
(Est 5:9) Haman went out that day happy and in high spirits. But when he saw Mordecai at the king's gate and observed that he neither rose nor showed fear in his presence he was filled with rage against Mordecai.
In letting my bitterness against my parents poison my life, I was no better than Haman in his rage against Mordecai. My hatred of my parents and their sins and my bitterness had turned into weeds choking out the flowers in the garden of life. I could no longer take enjoyment from the simple pleasures that life was offering me. Everything turned me to "What my parents had done to me..." Not only did I have to change my outlook on life, turn my back on bitterness and hatred, but like the weeds in the garden, I had to remove them.
In my life, I've done many things. I've broken 8 or 9 of the 10 Commandments.
1. You shall have no other Gods before me: I have placed the love of money, love of myself before God.
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol: Money has been my God, the trappings of success and fortune were my idols.
3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God: I have lost count of how many times I have taken the Lord's name in vain. I have also sinned in using filthy language so many times.
4. Remember thy Sabbath Day and keep it Holy: I cannot begin to count how many times that watching a TV show or going to do something else was more interesting to do on a Sunday than sitting in church listening to the Word of God.
5. Honor your father and your mother: This was the one thing that I was angered about, "How could I honor my mother and my father when they did what they did to me." I now know that I have to honor them for at least the gift of giving me life even if what they did with that life was reprehensible to God.
6. Thou shalt not murder: Well, at least I haven't done that...come close to wanting to do it, yes. done it...no.
7. You shall not commit adultery: I have had wandering eyes before marriage, though I have never had "knowledge-able" relations with a woman who was married. All that ended when I got married, but still, I have sinned in that regard.
8. You shall not steal. If you count downloading off Kazaa, yes, I have.
9. Thou shalt not give false testimony: I have lied at points in my life.
10. Thou shalt not covet: This one was one that I have had trouble with all my life. I still covet material things. Yet I know now that God may want me to have those things like a new camera or new lenses but on His timetable. As I find what I am supposed to do with those "gifts and talents" that He has given me, then He will give me the opportunity.
I offer this up, repent and ask God for forgiveness. For if I cannot forgive my parents for what they have done in making my life miserable, then why should God forgive me for my sins and my consistent breaking of his Ten Commandments?
(Mt.6:14-15
) For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.
That doesn't mean that I will put myself in a position to be abused by my parents again, but I will forgive them for what they have done to me in the past. For the Lord did counsel that men were not to be trusted. (Jer 9:4-6
) My trust is now solely with God.
So I forgive my parents entirely and without prejudice. I hope that they will find fulfillment in their life. I accept their choices in life, but do not wish to repeat them in my own. So I will close this post with Pauls' Appeal for Onesimus. (Phlm. 2ff)
For the longest time, I could not forgive my parents for what emotional hurts that they had inflicted on me. The gradual wearing away of my self-worth as a human being almost drove me to the point of insanity. Even now, my heart is still like a cauldron of hot burning oil which bubbles over from time to time. But in order to get past that I have had to look deep within myself. In essence, in hanging on to my bitterness, it had become an obsession.
(Est 5:9) Haman went out that day happy and in high spirits. But when he saw Mordecai at the king's gate and observed that he neither rose nor showed fear in his presence he was filled with rage against Mordecai.
In letting my bitterness against my parents poison my life, I was no better than Haman in his rage against Mordecai. My hatred of my parents and their sins and my bitterness had turned into weeds choking out the flowers in the garden of life. I could no longer take enjoyment from the simple pleasures that life was offering me. Everything turned me to "What my parents had done to me..." Not only did I have to change my outlook on life, turn my back on bitterness and hatred, but like the weeds in the garden, I had to remove them.
In my life, I've done many things. I've broken 8 or 9 of the 10 Commandments.
1. You shall have no other Gods before me: I have placed the love of money, love of myself before God.
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol: Money has been my God, the trappings of success and fortune were my idols.
3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God: I have lost count of how many times I have taken the Lord's name in vain. I have also sinned in using filthy language so many times.
4. Remember thy Sabbath Day and keep it Holy: I cannot begin to count how many times that watching a TV show or going to do something else was more interesting to do on a Sunday than sitting in church listening to the Word of God.
5. Honor your father and your mother: This was the one thing that I was angered about, "How could I honor my mother and my father when they did what they did to me." I now know that I have to honor them for at least the gift of giving me life even if what they did with that life was reprehensible to God.
6. Thou shalt not murder: Well, at least I haven't done that...come close to wanting to do it, yes. done it...no.
7. You shall not commit adultery: I have had wandering eyes before marriage, though I have never had "knowledge-able" relations with a woman who was married. All that ended when I got married, but still, I have sinned in that regard.
8. You shall not steal. If you count downloading off Kazaa, yes, I have.
9. Thou shalt not give false testimony: I have lied at points in my life.
10. Thou shalt not covet: This one was one that I have had trouble with all my life. I still covet material things. Yet I know now that God may want me to have those things like a new camera or new lenses but on His timetable. As I find what I am supposed to do with those "gifts and talents" that He has given me, then He will give me the opportunity.
I offer this up, repent and ask God for forgiveness. For if I cannot forgive my parents for what they have done in making my life miserable, then why should God forgive me for my sins and my consistent breaking of his Ten Commandments? (Mt.6:14-15
) For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Heavenly Father will not forgive your sins. That doesn't mean that I will put myself in a position to be abused by my parents again, but I will forgive them for what they have done to me in the past. For the Lord did counsel that men were not to be trusted. (Jer 9:4-6
) My trust is now solely with God. So I forgive my parents entirely and without prejudice. I hope that they will find fulfillment in their life. I accept their choices in life, but do not wish to repeat them in my own. So I will close this post with Pauls' Appeal for Onesimus. (Phlm. 2ff)
