I think the reason I'm having a hard time writing this is because Satan has a grasp on me and doesn't want to let go. This is taking a lot of guts to say.
I'm addicted to porn. I have been for over 10 years now. Every day is a battle. I think to myself every single day "Tomorrow will be better" and when I fall, I ask God for forgiveness and say "Tomorrow will be better." It's like this every single day. I'll have some good days but then I fall again and the cycle starts over. I've told my fiance twice and I keep telling her it'll never happen again but it does and it makes me sick knowing that I'm hurting her. I'm scared. I'm ashamed. I'm angry. All at myself because I Just. Can't. Stop. I know life is more that just fulfilling the needs of the body and asking for forgiveness later. I don't do that. I really really try to not fall again. I know God is a forgiving God. That's the only thing that gives me hope because I've asked Him for forgiveness more times than I can remember. The reason I am on this website is because I want to reach out and ask for prayer and I'm also encouraged by reading the blogs that others post showing that they struggle too. It makes me feel less alone.
I want to stop. Now. I want these impulses and lies in my head that "Just a little glimpse won't hurt" to go away. I need God to give me a clean slate.
I've never made this public in my life and I think the only reason why I am is because nobody knows me here but God. All you see is a brother in Christ who needs help. So please, pray for me. Send words of encouragement. Because I can't do this anymore. I'm trying to build a life for my family. I have a son and I want to be a role model for him. I can't do that if I keep this up. If I were to ask for anything really specific to pray for, it would be for the impulse to not be there. The sudden, "Hey, let's go sneak a peek real quick. Couldn't hurt." I hate this sin but I keep falling. I don't want to sin anymore. I don't want to hurt my family anymore.
I'm addicted to porn. I have been for over 10 years now. Every day is a battle. I think to myself every single day "Tomorrow will be better" and when I fall, I ask God for forgiveness and say "Tomorrow will be better." It's like this every single day. I'll have some good days but then I fall again and the cycle starts over. I've told my fiance twice and I keep telling her it'll never happen again but it does and it makes me sick knowing that I'm hurting her. I'm scared. I'm ashamed. I'm angry. All at myself because I Just. Can't. Stop. I know life is more that just fulfilling the needs of the body and asking for forgiveness later. I don't do that. I really really try to not fall again. I know God is a forgiving God. That's the only thing that gives me hope because I've asked Him for forgiveness more times than I can remember. The reason I am on this website is because I want to reach out and ask for prayer and I'm also encouraged by reading the blogs that others post showing that they struggle too. It makes me feel less alone.
I want to stop. Now. I want these impulses and lies in my head that "Just a little glimpse won't hurt" to go away. I need God to give me a clean slate.
I've never made this public in my life and I think the only reason why I am is because nobody knows me here but God. All you see is a brother in Christ who needs help. So please, pray for me. Send words of encouragement. Because I can't do this anymore. I'm trying to build a life for my family. I have a son and I want to be a role model for him. I can't do that if I keep this up. If I were to ask for anything really specific to pray for, it would be for the impulse to not be there. The sudden, "Hey, let's go sneak a peek real quick. Couldn't hurt." I hate this sin but I keep falling. I don't want to sin anymore. I don't want to hurt my family anymore.
