27 October 2010
I woke up in the middle of the night tempted to call or shoot a text to see if she was okay. God, help me be strong, I prayed. Success! I managed to fall asleep again. Gray clouds and rain through the window was the first thing my eyes saw this morning. My thoughts wandered again. God, I need your help. Please give me strength. I picked up my book and started reading. Some moments throughout the day are a success, but just when I think I’m okay for the time being, the situation surfaces. Just like that, I’m thrown into it again. When painful things start to creep their way back, think of it as God’s way of refining and humbling you, breaking you where you need to be broken.
“The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling,"
your love, God, took hold and held me fast.
When I was upset and beside myself,
you calmed me down and cheered me up.” Psalm 94:18-19
This emotional addiction started out as an innocent distraction. A friend who cared and was there for me at the time seemed harmless. After years and years, feelings developed in ways unpleasing to God and it turned into the devil’s stronghold that swallowed me. But the fact that I’m so desperately trying to seek God and listen to godly counsel tells me that Satan didn’t quite finish me off. As I write, my eyes can barely see the screen through the tears. I don’t know why I cry anymore. Am I still upset about having to let go of someone? Or am I realizing that God has always been there for me, and I never need to feel alone or lost? I look out the window and the gray clouds are gone, the rain stopped, and the sun shines through the sky. Redemption and deliverance are within sight, but the trick is not to turn your back on it. God, I don’t know why I’m crying, but please give me the strength to keep from turning back down the road to my stronghold. Help me let go and keep moving forward to greater and better things that you have in store for me.
I woke up in the middle of the night tempted to call or shoot a text to see if she was okay. God, help me be strong, I prayed. Success! I managed to fall asleep again. Gray clouds and rain through the window was the first thing my eyes saw this morning. My thoughts wandered again. God, I need your help. Please give me strength. I picked up my book and started reading. Some moments throughout the day are a success, but just when I think I’m okay for the time being, the situation surfaces. Just like that, I’m thrown into it again. When painful things start to creep their way back, think of it as God’s way of refining and humbling you, breaking you where you need to be broken.
“The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling,"
your love, God, took hold and held me fast.
When I was upset and beside myself,
you calmed me down and cheered me up.” Psalm 94:18-19
This emotional addiction started out as an innocent distraction. A friend who cared and was there for me at the time seemed harmless. After years and years, feelings developed in ways unpleasing to God and it turned into the devil’s stronghold that swallowed me. But the fact that I’m so desperately trying to seek God and listen to godly counsel tells me that Satan didn’t quite finish me off. As I write, my eyes can barely see the screen through the tears. I don’t know why I cry anymore. Am I still upset about having to let go of someone? Or am I realizing that God has always been there for me, and I never need to feel alone or lost? I look out the window and the gray clouds are gone, the rain stopped, and the sun shines through the sky. Redemption and deliverance are within sight, but the trick is not to turn your back on it. God, I don’t know why I’m crying, but please give me the strength to keep from turning back down the road to my stronghold. Help me let go and keep moving forward to greater and better things that you have in store for me.
