This walk with Christ has been great. I desire to do more for the Lord our God, but my sins stand in the way. I would call myself a mediocre, or hypocrite Christian. I was baptized on Easter this year and since then I've been battling with sin and with my faith also. I understand that we have to repent and seek for God after our sins, but what if we don't say it with our hearts?
As many of us, our doubts get in the way and causes one to question God. Then we ask ourselves (after deep thought) "Who are we to question God?" But in the end we do and we lose faith, unintentionally. And in some way we give birth to sin and it stats to grow.
As of now I am standing firm. Well I am trying. I'm struggling in the world. No job, family problems, no vehicle, bills etc, I am more worried of going to hell because of my life's reflections. "There is no condemnation to those in Christ" I want to keep my faith in Christ. I desire to work for the Lord. To gain more knowledge and understanding and spread the Word to people. But I'm having trouble because emotionally, I am not healthy. I'm sick. Not suicidal thoughts but feeling like I would know my time is soon to come. And what scares me the most, something I've been battling with, my heart tells me I might go to hell. And I accept it.
I fear Judgement because I know I am worthless to God. Why would he accept me in Heaven if my life has been a terrible Christian. A mockery.
Ive been baptized 4 times, Ive accepted Christ in 4 different churches, I used to try and speak or 'preach' on social media but led people astray, and let me ask you all something, is it wrong for me to have a tattoo on my right hand having a staff shaped Cross going through a serpent's head (snake) and at the bottom "Sin is Dead"?
I struggle in my faith, I want to know what is my purpose, God's calling for me? I want to know how shall i serve, I want to use my talents for Him but how do I figure out what He wants me doing, Pastor, Missionary or something. I do not know. Im worried about this, everyone. This for me has been frustrating. I have no guidance, no one leading me. Figured I'd do it all by myself because each time I try and reach out to somebody I get pushed away even further. And I lose myself in sin But at the end of the day I always acknowledge that, always feel guilty. I never try to hide because I know and accept my wrongdoing. The decisions I made in the past and present has brought me where I am today. Physically, Emotionally, Worldly, and Spiritually, My mistakes are my own and I am the one to blame. If I shall struggle more than so be it! I took things for granted, and ignored God and live in disobedience. I want to be punished, I deserve it. If i have to stress to the point I break down,like stress did in the past, then so be it. I want to be sad. Tears feel like dropping but I harden my heart but I know all of this will bring me closer to God to where I know I wont even want to sin anymore. To the point where my heart is on his feet. Literally. I can't wait.
But until then, in my spare time I shall exercise physically and spiritually. Running at the park and coming to the library. I want grow an intimate relationship like Abraham, Israel, Isaac, Moses. The way God fronted them is truly impacting.
Just thought I'd say I am lonely, and I feel like I have no support from no one, no help, and like I said each time I try I get brushed off. But now I'm reaching out to the world. I wish to see who else is walking with Christ and struggling. I want to be walking with Christ, faithfully. Can someone please guide me and direct me there? Advice.
Much Love, One Love.
God Bless, Christian.
As many of us, our doubts get in the way and causes one to question God. Then we ask ourselves (after deep thought) "Who are we to question God?" But in the end we do and we lose faith, unintentionally. And in some way we give birth to sin and it stats to grow.
As of now I am standing firm. Well I am trying. I'm struggling in the world. No job, family problems, no vehicle, bills etc, I am more worried of going to hell because of my life's reflections. "There is no condemnation to those in Christ" I want to keep my faith in Christ. I desire to work for the Lord. To gain more knowledge and understanding and spread the Word to people. But I'm having trouble because emotionally, I am not healthy. I'm sick. Not suicidal thoughts but feeling like I would know my time is soon to come. And what scares me the most, something I've been battling with, my heart tells me I might go to hell. And I accept it.
I fear Judgement because I know I am worthless to God. Why would he accept me in Heaven if my life has been a terrible Christian. A mockery.
Ive been baptized 4 times, Ive accepted Christ in 4 different churches, I used to try and speak or 'preach' on social media but led people astray, and let me ask you all something, is it wrong for me to have a tattoo on my right hand having a staff shaped Cross going through a serpent's head (snake) and at the bottom "Sin is Dead"?
I struggle in my faith, I want to know what is my purpose, God's calling for me? I want to know how shall i serve, I want to use my talents for Him but how do I figure out what He wants me doing, Pastor, Missionary or something. I do not know. Im worried about this, everyone. This for me has been frustrating. I have no guidance, no one leading me. Figured I'd do it all by myself because each time I try and reach out to somebody I get pushed away even further. And I lose myself in sin But at the end of the day I always acknowledge that, always feel guilty. I never try to hide because I know and accept my wrongdoing. The decisions I made in the past and present has brought me where I am today. Physically, Emotionally, Worldly, and Spiritually, My mistakes are my own and I am the one to blame. If I shall struggle more than so be it! I took things for granted, and ignored God and live in disobedience. I want to be punished, I deserve it. If i have to stress to the point I break down,like stress did in the past, then so be it. I want to be sad. Tears feel like dropping but I harden my heart but I know all of this will bring me closer to God to where I know I wont even want to sin anymore. To the point where my heart is on his feet. Literally. I can't wait.
But until then, in my spare time I shall exercise physically and spiritually. Running at the park and coming to the library. I want grow an intimate relationship like Abraham, Israel, Isaac, Moses. The way God fronted them is truly impacting.
Just thought I'd say I am lonely, and I feel like I have no support from no one, no help, and like I said each time I try I get brushed off. But now I'm reaching out to the world. I wish to see who else is walking with Christ and struggling. I want to be walking with Christ, faithfully. Can someone please guide me and direct me there? Advice.
Much Love, One Love.
God Bless, Christian.
