As I was falling asleep last night, I had a thought come to me out of the blue. And I really wanted to log back online to write this blog last night, but my sleep meds had kicked in and I knew I would probably write incoherent babble.
Several years ago I was in a relationship with a young lady I had met here on CF and the relationship didn't work out, which is okay. It probably wasn't meant to be. We both made mistakes that neither of us are proud of.
But one of those mistakes was early on in our relationship where we tried to make things happen. No, we never slept together, but there was a time when we took a step we shouldn't have taken. I'm just going to leave it at that.
But I was going through my PMs the other day that I had saved from those many years ago and I came across the one she sent me after all that went down. We were in repentance mode and we both felt bad about what happened. But she told me, "You know, I didn't feel as close to you during all that." I was there, but I wasn't there. I was in trance mode, seeking after something that distorted who I was.
For her, I was there, I was present and we were intimate, but she didn't feel as close to me? How in the world does that work? Again, it wasn't sex, but we crossed a line in our relationship that we both thought we wanted, but really it turned out to be the wrong move.
Fast forward several years later and I'm going through my PMs and my first reaction was, "Man! I was such a jerk!" I'm so glad that God gives us mercy and I was able to look back on those times and realize just how mean and crazy I was.
But then, last night, a week or so after I read through my old PMs, I had a sudden thought in my head that could only come from God. I consider myself being close to God right now. I love God with all my heart and I had a rough past several years after my dad died that I wasn't very close to Him.
But we have a relationship with Christ. That's the main point of Christianity, right? To have a relationship with God? So what happens when we sin? When we sin, we think, "It's okay. God's going to forgive me. I'm covered by the blood of the lamb."
That may be very true. I'm not talking about losing your salvation. The thought came to me that when I sin, I cross a line in my relationship with God. And God is like, "I don't know what happened just then, but I don't feel as close to you during all that. It's as if your focus was on something else entirely and not me."
Faith in God is a relationship with Him. It's about trusting Him when times are bad and praising Him when times are good. It's relying on Him to be a lamp unto your feet as He guides you through a dark world. It's ignoring the wind and the waves beating against the boat as you get up in faith to walk on water. But for that moment you take your eyes of Jesus and focus on that individual sin, that may seem tiny at the time, you sink a little bit. The more you keep your eyes off Him, the more you sink. But only when you keep your eyes on Him, the more steady are your steps.
In today's world, we have a very naturalistic approach to sin. "I am born to sin, so that's what I'm going to do!" But do you ever look at it in terms of your relationship with Christ? That the sins you commit cross a line in your relationship? That maybe in those moments, you feel quite a bit distant?
It was that realization that let me know that I was close to Christ. I felt bad that I sinned...horrible in fact...even if it was a small sin (in my own naturalistic worldview that says sin is okay), but I did it blatantly knowing it was a sin and when I repented of it afterward, I heard God whisper to me, "I didn't feel close to you right then."
It wasn't as if my girlfriend and I were going to break up because we crossed a line we weren't ready to cross. We surely couldn't go backwards and pretend like it didn't happen. It forever changed the relationship and opened the door for more bad stuff to happen. Before I knew it, I had sunk to all-time lows and I take responsibility for what happened as I was supposed to be the one setting the tone for the whole relationship.
For the longest time I felt separated from Christ. I never doubted my salvation, but I pushed myself away from Him both emotionally and spiritually. I slapped His hand away as He tried to pull me out of the water, but blamed Him for me continuing to sink. Doesn't make sense, does it?
Several years ago I was in a relationship with a young lady I had met here on CF and the relationship didn't work out, which is okay. It probably wasn't meant to be. We both made mistakes that neither of us are proud of.
But one of those mistakes was early on in our relationship where we tried to make things happen. No, we never slept together, but there was a time when we took a step we shouldn't have taken. I'm just going to leave it at that.
But I was going through my PMs the other day that I had saved from those many years ago and I came across the one she sent me after all that went down. We were in repentance mode and we both felt bad about what happened. But she told me, "You know, I didn't feel as close to you during all that." I was there, but I wasn't there. I was in trance mode, seeking after something that distorted who I was.
For her, I was there, I was present and we were intimate, but she didn't feel as close to me? How in the world does that work? Again, it wasn't sex, but we crossed a line in our relationship that we both thought we wanted, but really it turned out to be the wrong move.
Fast forward several years later and I'm going through my PMs and my first reaction was, "Man! I was such a jerk!" I'm so glad that God gives us mercy and I was able to look back on those times and realize just how mean and crazy I was.
But then, last night, a week or so after I read through my old PMs, I had a sudden thought in my head that could only come from God. I consider myself being close to God right now. I love God with all my heart and I had a rough past several years after my dad died that I wasn't very close to Him.
But we have a relationship with Christ. That's the main point of Christianity, right? To have a relationship with God? So what happens when we sin? When we sin, we think, "It's okay. God's going to forgive me. I'm covered by the blood of the lamb."
That may be very true. I'm not talking about losing your salvation. The thought came to me that when I sin, I cross a line in my relationship with God. And God is like, "I don't know what happened just then, but I don't feel as close to you during all that. It's as if your focus was on something else entirely and not me."
Faith in God is a relationship with Him. It's about trusting Him when times are bad and praising Him when times are good. It's relying on Him to be a lamp unto your feet as He guides you through a dark world. It's ignoring the wind and the waves beating against the boat as you get up in faith to walk on water. But for that moment you take your eyes of Jesus and focus on that individual sin, that may seem tiny at the time, you sink a little bit. The more you keep your eyes off Him, the more you sink. But only when you keep your eyes on Him, the more steady are your steps.
In today's world, we have a very naturalistic approach to sin. "I am born to sin, so that's what I'm going to do!" But do you ever look at it in terms of your relationship with Christ? That the sins you commit cross a line in your relationship? That maybe in those moments, you feel quite a bit distant?
It was that realization that let me know that I was close to Christ. I felt bad that I sinned...horrible in fact...even if it was a small sin (in my own naturalistic worldview that says sin is okay), but I did it blatantly knowing it was a sin and when I repented of it afterward, I heard God whisper to me, "I didn't feel close to you right then."
It wasn't as if my girlfriend and I were going to break up because we crossed a line we weren't ready to cross. We surely couldn't go backwards and pretend like it didn't happen. It forever changed the relationship and opened the door for more bad stuff to happen. Before I knew it, I had sunk to all-time lows and I take responsibility for what happened as I was supposed to be the one setting the tone for the whole relationship.
For the longest time I felt separated from Christ. I never doubted my salvation, but I pushed myself away from Him both emotionally and spiritually. I slapped His hand away as He tried to pull me out of the water, but blamed Him for me continuing to sink. Doesn't make sense, does it?
