I miss blogging. I do. I miss when there were interesting things going on in my life that maybe other people would care about as much as I did. I miss that feeling I'd get when something strange or crazy happens and the first thought that popped into my head would be: "I just have to put that in a blog!" I used to blog so religiously. Every day. Even if there was nothing in my head, I'd do it anyway for the mere proof of being alive. But even that has vanished.
Why did I blog in the first place? Was it for me or for the "people?" Maybe a little both. I loved written words of self-expression; they're in a format that no one can ever really question. Things tend to flow when I write/type about them as opposed to trying to pick out the thoughts from the chaotic flood of thoughts that can flow throughout my head and vocalize them. I can't really win either way, though. Sooner or later, no one really wants to hear what I want to say.
So does that mean I blog for people? Am I that much a people pleaser? So much that even my self-expression takes a beating when I think that no one cares about it? I can't really say anymore. When I sense no one's really listening to what I'm saying, I tend to shut myself down altogether. I become someone else that can maybe be a little more accomodating. But that someone else is hardly ever me. Not the real me. It's not me to just shut up and never have feelings about anything. Not me to shut down and "behave" like a good little girl without an opinion.
Sometimes what I think can be sought for by a few people, but it's not like what I say will have any stock put into it. I wish for once someone can say, "You know Linda, you're right. I never thought about it that way." A saying like that would shock the hell out of me. But it would tell me that something about me can actually trigger something in someone else. Everyone wants to make a difference in this world or in someone else's life and with me it's no different. If something I say or something I believe causes someone to rethink their own lines of thought, especially for the good, that would be so interesting.
And when it comes to men, oh how it'd be wonderful if I can find one who can appreciate, if not desire, a woman who can keep him on his toes. Or a woman who can challenge him instead of sitting idly by saying and doing nothing. I don't ever want to dominate a man since it's not my place to do so, but that doesn't mean I want to BE dominated either. I don't want to cower away in a corner until he calls me, if at all, always hoping that maybe he'll notice me this time. Maybe this one time he'll want me there. Maybe this one time he'll want to know what I think. Maybe this one time he'll consider what I have to say as something of worth. Sitting there hoping for it, but never receiving it. How would that be fair to me? It wouldn't be fair for me to dominate him, but it wouldn't be fair for him to treat me like I don't matter to him. I and all the thoughts I harbor.
I don't know what I'm even talking about. I'm sleepy and rambly, I guess. I don't even really know why I chose to blog about this in this website as opposed to my actual blogging site. I think I was aiming to ramble about something CF forums related, but then this random subject popped up. Oh well. Now I've gone and made myself too pooped to ramble on CF. But I do miss the way it used to be. I feel like such an outcast because of how much it's changed. That's my own fault, I guess. Such is life.
Why did I blog in the first place? Was it for me or for the "people?" Maybe a little both. I loved written words of self-expression; they're in a format that no one can ever really question. Things tend to flow when I write/type about them as opposed to trying to pick out the thoughts from the chaotic flood of thoughts that can flow throughout my head and vocalize them. I can't really win either way, though. Sooner or later, no one really wants to hear what I want to say.
So does that mean I blog for people? Am I that much a people pleaser? So much that even my self-expression takes a beating when I think that no one cares about it? I can't really say anymore. When I sense no one's really listening to what I'm saying, I tend to shut myself down altogether. I become someone else that can maybe be a little more accomodating. But that someone else is hardly ever me. Not the real me. It's not me to just shut up and never have feelings about anything. Not me to shut down and "behave" like a good little girl without an opinion.
Sometimes what I think can be sought for by a few people, but it's not like what I say will have any stock put into it. I wish for once someone can say, "You know Linda, you're right. I never thought about it that way." A saying like that would shock the hell out of me. But it would tell me that something about me can actually trigger something in someone else. Everyone wants to make a difference in this world or in someone else's life and with me it's no different. If something I say or something I believe causes someone to rethink their own lines of thought, especially for the good, that would be so interesting.
And when it comes to men, oh how it'd be wonderful if I can find one who can appreciate, if not desire, a woman who can keep him on his toes. Or a woman who can challenge him instead of sitting idly by saying and doing nothing. I don't ever want to dominate a man since it's not my place to do so, but that doesn't mean I want to BE dominated either. I don't want to cower away in a corner until he calls me, if at all, always hoping that maybe he'll notice me this time. Maybe this one time he'll want me there. Maybe this one time he'll want to know what I think. Maybe this one time he'll consider what I have to say as something of worth. Sitting there hoping for it, but never receiving it. How would that be fair to me? It wouldn't be fair for me to dominate him, but it wouldn't be fair for him to treat me like I don't matter to him. I and all the thoughts I harbor.
I don't know what I'm even talking about. I'm sleepy and rambly, I guess. I don't even really know why I chose to blog about this in this website as opposed to my actual blogging site. I think I was aiming to ramble about something CF forums related, but then this random subject popped up. Oh well. Now I've gone and made myself too pooped to ramble on CF. But I do miss the way it used to be. I feel like such an outcast because of how much it's changed. That's my own fault, I guess. Such is life.
