Last night I daydreamed about my future in heaven.
I dreamed the Father loved me and all His orphans so much that He built a beautiful courtyard garden in His temple. This garden was massive, peaceful, and lush. Impossibly tall waterfalls crowned with beautiful rainbows and breathtaking blooms stretched as far as the eye could see—and best of all—there were no bugs. All around the courtyard were little lavish dwelling places for each of us. Some were built into giant trees that towered over us with protective green canopies. Others were tucked away into flower studded thickets and ivy laced rock walls that ran beside crystal clear bubbling waterways.
I dreamed we each had angels assigned to us for our care. I had one named Gailus. He was in charge of my little "household." He loved to brush my long hair, watch me do my make-up, and help me pick out my clothes. He was so sweet! I loved it when he'd show me his wings, and he baked the best chocolate soufflés! I secretly longed for a pair of my own wings one day.
Every evening the Father took special time to come walk with each of us somewhere in His garden, and love on us like a father we never had. He would spend time teaching us, encouraging us, and healing us-healing our broken hearts, because we'd had no parents on earth. It was hard to describe walking with Him because He's invisible, but we could feel His presence as surely as if we could see Him. We could see the light of His glory walking beside us. Well, a small portioned part of it. Maybe that is why He chose the evening time, because of the brightness of His glory. Or maybe He just likes the beauty of the blushing skies at sunset. Either way, this special courtyard was reserved only for His specially chosen orphans who'd suffered on earth without a family.
I dreamed I had another angel named Marcus who played the piano or harp-soothing melodies throughout the day and night for me. The soothing quiet melodies were like healing balm to my soul. I would close my eyes and drift into restful sleep, something I never had the luxury to do on earth because my body had always been in pain. In my corner of the courtyard it rained often. The Father knew I loved the rain. Only this time, the rain didn't hurt me like it had before. And of course, what would heaven be without kittens, puppies, and beautiful white horses?
I dreamed that on Sundays all the saints—both those residing in heaven and on the new earth—would come to His Temple in the Holy City in heaven to worship Him joyfully. The highlight of the day was Jesus' appearance, which everyone eagerly looked forward to. Every Sunday was like a gigantic holiday celebration, culminating with a massive dinner party for the Lamb, a beautiful worship service, and finally a candlelight service.
Despite the huge crowds and festivities, I had a quiet corner in His temple to rest and listen to the beautiful music, and the voices of the angels and the saints. My spirit would literally dance with joy, intertwined with the Holy Spirit, Who was still residing in us—an eternal gift I cherished forever. And I would quietly praise Him from my quiet, small corner.
I dreamed that sometimes Jesus would visit me in the gardens. This always amazed me—that He'd have time or give time to come see me. Our visits were always so sweet, I'd listen to His quiet voice and gentle humor, still shy to ever look into those amazing, beautiful and soul-piercing eyes. I felt like I could never get enough time with Him. I could never hear enough of His Words. I would just drink and drink and drink His teaching. And always more and more questions. He would laugh at me. "So many questions, Princess. You haven't even chewed what I have given you already. There will always be more for you. Enjoy what I have given you. Rest in it. Live in it."
Sometimes I'd leave the Temple courtyard and venture out into the Holy City to visit my friends, but this was rare. They were usually very busy with assignments that the Father had given them, ruling cities and countries and even some were ruling planets! But that was ok. I had my Father now.
What I needed most, what I longed for most, and was desperately drinking in, was the rest and healing, peace, and love in those Temple gardens. I treasured my time with the Father like no one else. In my time on earth before all of this, I had feared Him. I didn't understand Him. To me, He was just a distant, cold, angry God who stood by silently watching me suffer and refusing to do anything about it. Everyone in my life either had abandoned me, abused me, or just stood by watching me suffer. But no one would stand up for me. No one would protect me. Not even God the Father.
I'll never forget the first day I'd met the Father.
When I'd been summoned to come stand before His throne, I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up. Except no one ever threw up in heaven, so I thought about how embarrassing it would be. Shyly I bowed low. I didn't dare look up at Him, afraid of what He'd say. Afraid because I knew He already had read my private diary about Him and knew all the bad things I had thought about how He'd handled my life. And afraid because I knew that somehow my view had been skewed… Because after all, God is perfect. I swallowed hard. "Here it comes…" I thought. The disappointment. The shame.
Then, while I was studying the intricate marbled crystal floor, a pair of beautiful sandaled feet suddenly appeared. I just knew they had to belong to Jesus, although I'm not sure how I knew, because I had never met Him either. And my heart skipped a beat as the Spirit in me danced with joy, in spite of my trembling.
I felt a hand gently lift my chin, and I was forced to look into the eyes of my Savior for the very first time. His gaze made me suddenly feel as if I was made of transparent glass, and at first I was terrified. He spoke gently, "Do not be afraid. My Father wants to see you."
Still terrified, I slowly walked up the steps towards the throne, my feet felt like someone had attached giant paper weights to them. Armor and swords flashed as angels, bright, powerful and fiercely beautiful stepped aside as I made my way up. When I reached the first platform I stopped, realizing I was still bowing—but by now my bow had become so low I was almost crawling. Meekly I decided that was as far as I dared to go.
Then He spoke to me for the first time. "My child, My princess. I've waited for this special day. You are finally home now. I've chosen you to be one of My very special princesses—no longer an orphan on earth. You are a highly favored daughter of the most High King. You shall live with Me in my Temple courtyard. Your home shall be with me. My home shall always be Your home."
Slowly I opened my eyes, realizing I'd been squeezing them shut out of fear. And everyone around me gasped. For my beautiful white sparkling tunic—the one that all His saints wore to signify the righteousness of His Son, had somehow transformed into an unimaginably beautiful gown—with yards and yards of sparking, flashing white and blue fabric, covered in precious diamonds and sparkling crystals that flashed rainbows all over the Great Temple Throne Room. And on my head was a crown—a simple, yet beautifully elegant scroll design marked with the same sparkling diamonds and crystals. My eyes widened with shock, and then I flushed as all the angels and saints cheered.
Shyly I looked up at the throne. His glory was breathtaking and brilliant, as was that of His Son. I had to look away because I was afraid it would blind me. Then I quickly remembered what Scripture said about "casting our crowns," and trembling I fell to my knees and was about to remove my crown, when an angel stopped me, nodding in the direction of the throne.
"No My child. You and all My children will have crowns to cast at the feet of my Son. You shall all bow down and worship Him and lift Him up and glorify Him before all the world. But this crown is not a crown of glory. This special crown is My gift to you, to mark You as one of My very own special princesses, so that all who see you shall know immediately Who your Father is, and that you are no longer an orphan."
I was speechless. I was so embarrassed at my awkward inability to thank Him or comprehend what He was saying… My mind was running back over the chapters of my life, trying to look at them through this new lens…
The Holy Spirit had told me more than once the Father was jealous for me, that He wanted my total devotion and dependency on Him alone for everything, even family. I had dismissed this as simply a message that His jealous struggle for my total devotion was simply what every Christian was to strive for. Not something He wanted especially from me.
Family had always meant so much to me. So when I had lost everything, it ripped my heart out. First, my biological family abandoned me. My adopted family abandoned me. My so called "family" of close friends abandoned me when I became ill. And finally even my Christian family abandoned me. I was so angry at Him for taking them away—so resentful. But in this new light, He had stripped away all of that was because He was fighting jealously for my sole devotion? He had not been just a silent observer, but more like a jealous lover. A jealous struggle for my all. He wanted to be my only family. He was fighting for sole custody.
Later that night, after the celebrations, praises, and festivities had finally come to a close, I'd been escorted to my new home in the Temple courtyard and introduced to Gailus. I sat in numb shock at the mirror of my vanity, staring at my gown and my crown. I wondered how such a wonderful thing could happen to me. Wonderful things never happened to me. When the summons had arrived that morning, I had been sure I was going to be in for a very unpleasant teary day. And I had been positively terrified to go meet the Father. Yes, I'd always desperately longed to rest in His temple during my life on earth. I had pleaded with God–begging Him to take me home and relieve me of my suffering. Yet I was really only begging to sit quietly in a corner of His Temple. I'd never imagined being invited to live in His lavish Temple courtyard as my home or being crowned His very own princess!
Now I save that incredible princess gown for Sundays, special celebrations, and festivities, such as when Jesus would return to the Temple during His thousand year reign on earth, or afterwards when He'd return to the Holy City Temple during the time He spent on the new earth and heaven-both creating it and helping His people establish His new Kingdom. Sometimes when I left Temple grounds and stepped out into His Holy City, I'd have the urge to rush back to my home. But Gailus would shoo me back out. "No!" he'd exclaim. "You need to get out and enjoy all that God has prepared for His Children. Not just here. Go see what Jesus is up to..."
I soon learned that my Guardian angel's name was Matthias. I had always jokingly imagined him as being a strong and powerful angel, but I had to stare in shock when I "met" him for the first time. It was no joke. Apparently the Father took protecting His orphans very seriously. This angel towered over most other Guardian angels, and I soon learned he was one of the highest ranking guardian angels, and had been trained by Michael the Archangel himself. Although he didn't look nearly as battered as I'd imagined looking after me, he did have some impressive battle scars. I guess even angels can get hurt in battle. I didn't see Matthias much, except he was always there to escort me to any festival functions on the new earth or even the more "formal" ones in the Holy City. There really wasn't a need for a guardian angel in heaven.
Anyway, there was more to my dream, but that's all I'll share for now. I have such a deep longing in my heart to belong to someone who would be my "true" family forever that I had made this daydream up to escape to such a world. As a little girl I often had to "escape" to fantasy worlds to survive the suffering and terrible abuses I had to live with every day.
Maybe when I actually get to heaven, I can just hide away in a quiet corner while my broken heart mends. While I listen to the unimaginably beautiful music of the saints and angels. No one will unjustly judge or slander or lie about me there. I won't be punished for trying to do the right thing anymore. I won't be abused or suffer relationship loss after loss unjustly, with no one to speak up for me or protect me. And this broken body will be healed, and instead of being in terrible pain everyday, I'll be at peace at last and rest in my Father's House.
I dreamed the Father loved me and all His orphans so much that He built a beautiful courtyard garden in His temple. This garden was massive, peaceful, and lush. Impossibly tall waterfalls crowned with beautiful rainbows and breathtaking blooms stretched as far as the eye could see—and best of all—there were no bugs. All around the courtyard were little lavish dwelling places for each of us. Some were built into giant trees that towered over us with protective green canopies. Others were tucked away into flower studded thickets and ivy laced rock walls that ran beside crystal clear bubbling waterways.
I dreamed we each had angels assigned to us for our care. I had one named Gailus. He was in charge of my little "household." He loved to brush my long hair, watch me do my make-up, and help me pick out my clothes. He was so sweet! I loved it when he'd show me his wings, and he baked the best chocolate soufflés! I secretly longed for a pair of my own wings one day.
Every evening the Father took special time to come walk with each of us somewhere in His garden, and love on us like a father we never had. He would spend time teaching us, encouraging us, and healing us-healing our broken hearts, because we'd had no parents on earth. It was hard to describe walking with Him because He's invisible, but we could feel His presence as surely as if we could see Him. We could see the light of His glory walking beside us. Well, a small portioned part of it. Maybe that is why He chose the evening time, because of the brightness of His glory. Or maybe He just likes the beauty of the blushing skies at sunset. Either way, this special courtyard was reserved only for His specially chosen orphans who'd suffered on earth without a family.
I dreamed I had another angel named Marcus who played the piano or harp-soothing melodies throughout the day and night for me. The soothing quiet melodies were like healing balm to my soul. I would close my eyes and drift into restful sleep, something I never had the luxury to do on earth because my body had always been in pain. In my corner of the courtyard it rained often. The Father knew I loved the rain. Only this time, the rain didn't hurt me like it had before. And of course, what would heaven be without kittens, puppies, and beautiful white horses?
I dreamed that on Sundays all the saints—both those residing in heaven and on the new earth—would come to His Temple in the Holy City in heaven to worship Him joyfully. The highlight of the day was Jesus' appearance, which everyone eagerly looked forward to. Every Sunday was like a gigantic holiday celebration, culminating with a massive dinner party for the Lamb, a beautiful worship service, and finally a candlelight service.
Despite the huge crowds and festivities, I had a quiet corner in His temple to rest and listen to the beautiful music, and the voices of the angels and the saints. My spirit would literally dance with joy, intertwined with the Holy Spirit, Who was still residing in us—an eternal gift I cherished forever. And I would quietly praise Him from my quiet, small corner.
I dreamed that sometimes Jesus would visit me in the gardens. This always amazed me—that He'd have time or give time to come see me. Our visits were always so sweet, I'd listen to His quiet voice and gentle humor, still shy to ever look into those amazing, beautiful and soul-piercing eyes. I felt like I could never get enough time with Him. I could never hear enough of His Words. I would just drink and drink and drink His teaching. And always more and more questions. He would laugh at me. "So many questions, Princess. You haven't even chewed what I have given you already. There will always be more for you. Enjoy what I have given you. Rest in it. Live in it."
Sometimes I'd leave the Temple courtyard and venture out into the Holy City to visit my friends, but this was rare. They were usually very busy with assignments that the Father had given them, ruling cities and countries and even some were ruling planets! But that was ok. I had my Father now.
What I needed most, what I longed for most, and was desperately drinking in, was the rest and healing, peace, and love in those Temple gardens. I treasured my time with the Father like no one else. In my time on earth before all of this, I had feared Him. I didn't understand Him. To me, He was just a distant, cold, angry God who stood by silently watching me suffer and refusing to do anything about it. Everyone in my life either had abandoned me, abused me, or just stood by watching me suffer. But no one would stand up for me. No one would protect me. Not even God the Father.
I'll never forget the first day I'd met the Father.
When I'd been summoned to come stand before His throne, I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up. Except no one ever threw up in heaven, so I thought about how embarrassing it would be. Shyly I bowed low. I didn't dare look up at Him, afraid of what He'd say. Afraid because I knew He already had read my private diary about Him and knew all the bad things I had thought about how He'd handled my life. And afraid because I knew that somehow my view had been skewed… Because after all, God is perfect. I swallowed hard. "Here it comes…" I thought. The disappointment. The shame.
Then, while I was studying the intricate marbled crystal floor, a pair of beautiful sandaled feet suddenly appeared. I just knew they had to belong to Jesus, although I'm not sure how I knew, because I had never met Him either. And my heart skipped a beat as the Spirit in me danced with joy, in spite of my trembling.
I felt a hand gently lift my chin, and I was forced to look into the eyes of my Savior for the very first time. His gaze made me suddenly feel as if I was made of transparent glass, and at first I was terrified. He spoke gently, "Do not be afraid. My Father wants to see you."
Still terrified, I slowly walked up the steps towards the throne, my feet felt like someone had attached giant paper weights to them. Armor and swords flashed as angels, bright, powerful and fiercely beautiful stepped aside as I made my way up. When I reached the first platform I stopped, realizing I was still bowing—but by now my bow had become so low I was almost crawling. Meekly I decided that was as far as I dared to go.
Then He spoke to me for the first time. "My child, My princess. I've waited for this special day. You are finally home now. I've chosen you to be one of My very special princesses—no longer an orphan on earth. You are a highly favored daughter of the most High King. You shall live with Me in my Temple courtyard. Your home shall be with me. My home shall always be Your home."
Slowly I opened my eyes, realizing I'd been squeezing them shut out of fear. And everyone around me gasped. For my beautiful white sparkling tunic—the one that all His saints wore to signify the righteousness of His Son, had somehow transformed into an unimaginably beautiful gown—with yards and yards of sparking, flashing white and blue fabric, covered in precious diamonds and sparkling crystals that flashed rainbows all over the Great Temple Throne Room. And on my head was a crown—a simple, yet beautifully elegant scroll design marked with the same sparkling diamonds and crystals. My eyes widened with shock, and then I flushed as all the angels and saints cheered.
Shyly I looked up at the throne. His glory was breathtaking and brilliant, as was that of His Son. I had to look away because I was afraid it would blind me. Then I quickly remembered what Scripture said about "casting our crowns," and trembling I fell to my knees and was about to remove my crown, when an angel stopped me, nodding in the direction of the throne.
"No My child. You and all My children will have crowns to cast at the feet of my Son. You shall all bow down and worship Him and lift Him up and glorify Him before all the world. But this crown is not a crown of glory. This special crown is My gift to you, to mark You as one of My very own special princesses, so that all who see you shall know immediately Who your Father is, and that you are no longer an orphan."
I was speechless. I was so embarrassed at my awkward inability to thank Him or comprehend what He was saying… My mind was running back over the chapters of my life, trying to look at them through this new lens…
The Holy Spirit had told me more than once the Father was jealous for me, that He wanted my total devotion and dependency on Him alone for everything, even family. I had dismissed this as simply a message that His jealous struggle for my total devotion was simply what every Christian was to strive for. Not something He wanted especially from me.
Family had always meant so much to me. So when I had lost everything, it ripped my heart out. First, my biological family abandoned me. My adopted family abandoned me. My so called "family" of close friends abandoned me when I became ill. And finally even my Christian family abandoned me. I was so angry at Him for taking them away—so resentful. But in this new light, He had stripped away all of that was because He was fighting jealously for my sole devotion? He had not been just a silent observer, but more like a jealous lover. A jealous struggle for my all. He wanted to be my only family. He was fighting for sole custody.
Later that night, after the celebrations, praises, and festivities had finally come to a close, I'd been escorted to my new home in the Temple courtyard and introduced to Gailus. I sat in numb shock at the mirror of my vanity, staring at my gown and my crown. I wondered how such a wonderful thing could happen to me. Wonderful things never happened to me. When the summons had arrived that morning, I had been sure I was going to be in for a very unpleasant teary day. And I had been positively terrified to go meet the Father. Yes, I'd always desperately longed to rest in His temple during my life on earth. I had pleaded with God–begging Him to take me home and relieve me of my suffering. Yet I was really only begging to sit quietly in a corner of His Temple. I'd never imagined being invited to live in His lavish Temple courtyard as my home or being crowned His very own princess!
Now I save that incredible princess gown for Sundays, special celebrations, and festivities, such as when Jesus would return to the Temple during His thousand year reign on earth, or afterwards when He'd return to the Holy City Temple during the time He spent on the new earth and heaven-both creating it and helping His people establish His new Kingdom. Sometimes when I left Temple grounds and stepped out into His Holy City, I'd have the urge to rush back to my home. But Gailus would shoo me back out. "No!" he'd exclaim. "You need to get out and enjoy all that God has prepared for His Children. Not just here. Go see what Jesus is up to..."
I soon learned that my Guardian angel's name was Matthias. I had always jokingly imagined him as being a strong and powerful angel, but I had to stare in shock when I "met" him for the first time. It was no joke. Apparently the Father took protecting His orphans very seriously. This angel towered over most other Guardian angels, and I soon learned he was one of the highest ranking guardian angels, and had been trained by Michael the Archangel himself. Although he didn't look nearly as battered as I'd imagined looking after me, he did have some impressive battle scars. I guess even angels can get hurt in battle. I didn't see Matthias much, except he was always there to escort me to any festival functions on the new earth or even the more "formal" ones in the Holy City. There really wasn't a need for a guardian angel in heaven.
Anyway, there was more to my dream, but that's all I'll share for now. I have such a deep longing in my heart to belong to someone who would be my "true" family forever that I had made this daydream up to escape to such a world. As a little girl I often had to "escape" to fantasy worlds to survive the suffering and terrible abuses I had to live with every day.
Maybe when I actually get to heaven, I can just hide away in a quiet corner while my broken heart mends. While I listen to the unimaginably beautiful music of the saints and angels. No one will unjustly judge or slander or lie about me there. I won't be punished for trying to do the right thing anymore. I won't be abused or suffer relationship loss after loss unjustly, with no one to speak up for me or protect me. And this broken body will be healed, and instead of being in terrible pain everyday, I'll be at peace at last and rest in my Father's House.
