I've been through alot in my short life. There was a point in my life where sadness, anger, depression, hostility, high aggression, pride, pornography, sexual promiscuity, and darkness was my daily lot. Here's why.
Both my mother and father didn't want me as their child. I haven't seen, talked to, or heard from her since I was 15 years old. At the age of 26, I got to meet my biological father (or so everyone in my family has said) for the first time and he denied that fact that I was his daughter and haven't seen or heard from him since then. Back then, he was married and had children by another woman.
Before that, my mother raised me. Some things she taught me were good and some weren't. The first time I was exposed to pornography was at the age of 12. Both my mother and her roomate (at that time) were watching that junk and I was curious as to what those 'noises' I kept hearing on the tv were. So I looked, and there it all was........
From that time up until the age of 27, I was addicted to porn.
I was in foster care up from the age of 5 years until I was 18 and moved from home to home throughout those years.
My family and I go to the same church every Sunday, but none of them include me in the family. Sure, we say hi to each other but that's it. This thanksgiving and christmas was pretty quite because I spent them both by myself. But no matter because I made the best of it by having a positive attitude rather than letting that get to me.
Because no one taught me how to love people, and what its like to be loved, at an early age in life, I went through alot of men, wanting attention and to just be loved. So I settled for everything else except the best. So many times I didn't figure out that these men were only using me and when they got tired of me, they threw me away. The longest relationship I had lasted 3 1/2 years and even that wasn't all that great. We were both very immature, self-centered, impatient with each other and just full of lust. Now he's married and I'm still single. But that's ok.
There's more to tell, but this was a major part as to why I was so depressed, sad, angry, and had a hard time with interacting with people. For years, I used to withdraw and isoloate myself from people because I didn't know how to connect with them or make friends. Besides, who would want to be friends with a negative person? So the best way I handled it all and protected myself from ever being hurt again was to be mean and keep aloof from people.
From the time I was just a baby kid until the just a few months ago, it was pure hell breaking free from all that drama and turmoil. The only things that I haven't been involved in is drugs and alcohol. But that's due to my mother being a smoker and an alcoholic and I seen what it did to her. She made me promise her that I would never grow up to be like her. So that's why I never did that stuff.
And if that's not enough, the majority of the time (with the exception for work and church), I'm by myself. Even at work or in church, I'm still by myself. Whenever I've had a bad day and just need some encouragement and be loved on, there is no one there to help or encouragement me except God. Yes, I know He's awesome and loves me ALOT but I also realize the importance of relationships with people and that's something that I don't have........yet.
And yet, I come here in this forum, trying to encourage people in the Lord, and some have told me that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to depression? What, because I didn't take medicine that theirs was worse than mine?! Depression is depression is depression and I don't see how one person's case is worse than someone else's. If its of any consequence, I have asthma and every now and then, I have to take more than 2 puffs of my inhaler just to be able to breathe. Imagine being in bed, asleep, but then awake only to find out that you can't breathe..... Its not nearly as bad as it used to be but I still have it.
To be honest, some of the things that some have said in that thread to me just ticks me off. Royally. If only they knew. But God loves me more than words can say and has a great plan for my life. So I don't need to allow their opinions to get me down and ruin the work God is wanting to do in and through me. I still need to love and forgive them, even if they felt they haven't done wrong. Anything that God tells a believer to do, it is his/her responsibility to do it.
In that thread, there's more I'd like to say but won't because it'd be a waste of time. Its not my job to convince people nor does glory come from me. It comes from God.
However, I do seek to understand people more and just be patient, compassionate, empathetic, forgiving, loving, and gentle. Only God can help me with this and I know He will bcause I asked Him to.
Both my mother and father didn't want me as their child. I haven't seen, talked to, or heard from her since I was 15 years old. At the age of 26, I got to meet my biological father (or so everyone in my family has said) for the first time and he denied that fact that I was his daughter and haven't seen or heard from him since then. Back then, he was married and had children by another woman.
Before that, my mother raised me. Some things she taught me were good and some weren't. The first time I was exposed to pornography was at the age of 12. Both my mother and her roomate (at that time) were watching that junk and I was curious as to what those 'noises' I kept hearing on the tv were. So I looked, and there it all was........
From that time up until the age of 27, I was addicted to porn. I was in foster care up from the age of 5 years until I was 18 and moved from home to home throughout those years.
My family and I go to the same church every Sunday, but none of them include me in the family. Sure, we say hi to each other but that's it. This thanksgiving and christmas was pretty quite because I spent them both by myself. But no matter because I made the best of it by having a positive attitude rather than letting that get to me.
Because no one taught me how to love people, and what its like to be loved, at an early age in life, I went through alot of men, wanting attention and to just be loved. So I settled for everything else except the best. So many times I didn't figure out that these men were only using me and when they got tired of me, they threw me away. The longest relationship I had lasted 3 1/2 years and even that wasn't all that great. We were both very immature, self-centered, impatient with each other and just full of lust. Now he's married and I'm still single. But that's ok.
There's more to tell, but this was a major part as to why I was so depressed, sad, angry, and had a hard time with interacting with people. For years, I used to withdraw and isoloate myself from people because I didn't know how to connect with them or make friends. Besides, who would want to be friends with a negative person? So the best way I handled it all and protected myself from ever being hurt again was to be mean and keep aloof from people.
From the time I was just a baby kid until the just a few months ago, it was pure hell breaking free from all that drama and turmoil. The only things that I haven't been involved in is drugs and alcohol. But that's due to my mother being a smoker and an alcoholic and I seen what it did to her. She made me promise her that I would never grow up to be like her. So that's why I never did that stuff.
And if that's not enough, the majority of the time (with the exception for work and church), I'm by myself. Even at work or in church, I'm still by myself. Whenever I've had a bad day and just need some encouragement and be loved on, there is no one there to help or encouragement me except God. Yes, I know He's awesome and loves me ALOT but I also realize the importance of relationships with people and that's something that I don't have........yet.
And yet, I come here in this forum, trying to encourage people in the Lord, and some have told me that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to depression? What, because I didn't take medicine that theirs was worse than mine?! Depression is depression is depression and I don't see how one person's case is worse than someone else's. If its of any consequence, I have asthma and every now and then, I have to take more than 2 puffs of my inhaler just to be able to breathe. Imagine being in bed, asleep, but then awake only to find out that you can't breathe..... Its not nearly as bad as it used to be but I still have it.
To be honest, some of the things that some have said in that thread to me just ticks me off. Royally. If only they knew. But God loves me more than words can say and has a great plan for my life. So I don't need to allow their opinions to get me down and ruin the work God is wanting to do in and through me. I still need to love and forgive them, even if they felt they haven't done wrong. Anything that God tells a believer to do, it is his/her responsibility to do it.
In that thread, there's more I'd like to say but won't because it'd be a waste of time. Its not my job to convince people nor does glory come from me. It comes from God.
However, I do seek to understand people more and just be patient, compassionate, empathetic, forgiving, loving, and gentle. Only God can help me with this and I know He will bcause I asked Him to.
