ongoing pain
fleeting happiness and pouring rain
i look for evidence he's part of my life
but my behavior makes me wonder why should i?
i dont deserve it, how arrogant can i be?
to expect him to love and care for me
i think back to the past and how i was trying to live for him
but ended up with depression
but then i wonder were my intentions true or was it a sense of pride
i wanted to be saved, i wasnt living a lie
then one day depression came in
and its history since then
i read about how he's part of other's lives
answering prayers, while i
sit back and remember exactly how i felt back then but then i think about maybe i do have blessings, i try to think of times he was trying to get through to me, but it was never enough, because i would be back to the same routine
living by my feelings, becoming sadder each day, i guess it just time for me to accept that i'll always be this way
depression is my safe haven, it keeps me safe from disappointments and fleeting happiness, so that when things come falling down around me, im not surprised because its how i expect things to be. its much easier to accept that this is who i am, instead of believing that im something better. but i will one day be punished for rejecting his love, maybe its my fate, i really dont know,but ive accepted my failure and who i am. i have no desire to live for him because my thoughts about him are wrong, but i dont have the will or the strength to throw them away. i guess i dont even care anymore.
fleeting happiness and pouring rain
i look for evidence he's part of my life
but my behavior makes me wonder why should i?
i dont deserve it, how arrogant can i be?
to expect him to love and care for me
i think back to the past and how i was trying to live for him
but ended up with depression
but then i wonder were my intentions true or was it a sense of pride
i wanted to be saved, i wasnt living a lie
then one day depression came in
and its history since then
i read about how he's part of other's lives
answering prayers, while i
sit back and remember exactly how i felt back then but then i think about maybe i do have blessings, i try to think of times he was trying to get through to me, but it was never enough, because i would be back to the same routine
living by my feelings, becoming sadder each day, i guess it just time for me to accept that i'll always be this way
depression is my safe haven, it keeps me safe from disappointments and fleeting happiness, so that when things come falling down around me, im not surprised because its how i expect things to be. its much easier to accept that this is who i am, instead of believing that im something better. but i will one day be punished for rejecting his love, maybe its my fate, i really dont know,but ive accepted my failure and who i am. i have no desire to live for him because my thoughts about him are wrong, but i dont have the will or the strength to throw them away. i guess i dont even care anymore.
