I'm in troubleI've messed up badly
I cant do this anymore
so far from God
and no one in my church cares
my 'spiritual' mentor has little understanding, their heart is in a good place but i end up teaching them things that they have no understanding of and so i am on my own
my friends who are believers are either new ones or also have no understanding and are after their own glory so have little awareness that i am in trouble
God sees and that is my one comfort but also i feel much shame at my actions and coldness to seek His face much anymore
i want Him but circumstances
i do not know why my journey is one of darkness and pain in my soul
there are fingers clawing at my ankle and round my throat drawing me and no one cares or is able
one person has helped me and if it wasnt for them i would not be caring or fighting all this, God is merciful to put them there i dont know why there is that mercy either
i am a failure as a believer
i want to disappear, in 6 weeks i can
