.....

Why I am here ? I hope to find at least some answers. I probably came in my life to some kind of crossroads. Things seem to be ridiculous. I am going to hospital in a month and don´t know, if I´ll come back home or not. Silly, but I always thought when someone is "at the edge" that there are thoughts about God, love....very nice thoughts. But I am redecorating my flat, playing with the kids, cooking and arguing about unimportant things. And trying to do so many things, that just need to be finished. And I am afraid. I always thought I won´t be, but I am. It´s the loneliness I am afraid of, because if I die, I will have to leave my family here.
I am a sinner, greater than you can imagine. I don= t know, if I will find enough strenght and courage to become a christian.