Witnessed to my sister and this happened :( Advise much needed!

[hoorayitsme]

So i've been a christian for about 3 months and my family doesnt really go to church very much, so i try to witness to them. My sister says she is an agnostic athiest, my mom is methodist but she said she wasnt saved, and my dad is a christian but only goes to church on holidays. Anyway i was talking to my sister and i usually try to witness to her and it is really hard. She says God is a jerk and a mass murderer (where he would wipe out whole cities that wouldn't listen to him) and i try to explain to her that those people had a choice whether to follow God or not and they choose not to knowing the consquences but not wanting to believe them. She also says she wold rather burn in hell than be a christian, the more i try to talk to her about the bible the more she hates me and God, and she said after she quit being a christian she felt like there was a huge burden lifted off of her she felt like there was no one watching her all the time to make good choices. THEN she asked me to respect her belief that there was no god and asked me to CHOOSE her or god! Then she said well its not really a choice because God isnt real. She said she doesnt want religion to come between us but if she has to she wont talk to me after she moves away for college in a year. I said i can't do that! That would be defying God if i refused to talk about him to you and i want to talk about him to you because i love you! Then she walked away crying saying she was disappointed in me. I dont know what to do! I want to really talk to someone about it but i think my mom and dad would just say fix it. I want to talk about it to my youth pastor but i dont really know when to talk to him about it. I think itd be better to talk in person rather than a text message. But its not really a quick talk a can ask before a sermon so should i ask him if i could set up a time to talk to him? And he is like one of the leaders at my church who i feel like i can talk to and has the knowledge i need rather than my small group leaders who i don't really know that well yet. What do you guys think about my situation with my sis and maybe how i should talk to my youth pastor about it? BTW i dont attack her with what I believe if she asks me what i learned in church i will simply tell i i just dont run up to her and start talking about God. Thanks everyone!!!!!

 

[MKJ]

t's ok to talk about God when he comes up naturally, but you don't need to force it. Your sister will see how God is acting in your life and that will impact her.

Remember, you are not responsible for your sister's relationship with god; she is, and God is. You can trust him to do what is right. Overbearing witnessing and attempts to convert are a real turn-off to people, and they see that as God acting in your life in a negative way. To the person being witnessed to it feels like you don't respect their views or their relationship with God and truth, and it makes them feel like you only value them as a possible convert.

Just be a friend to your sister and love her. That will be the best witness possible.

 

[Aibrean]

Once you have delivered the gospel message it is up to the Holy Spirit to work. You can't save them, and if they reject the truth, then all you can do is pray for them to open up their hearts. Be a witness in love.

 

[hoorayitsme]

t's ok to talk about God when he comes up naturally, but you don't need to force it. Your sister will see how God is acting in your life and that will impact her.

Remember, you are not responsible for your sister's relationship with god; she is, and God is. You can trust him to do what is right. Overbearing witnessing and attempts to convert are a real turn-off to people, and they see that as God acting in your life in a negative way. To the person being witnessed to it feels like you don't respect their views or their relationship with God and truth, and it makes them feel like you only value them as a possible convert.

Just be a friend to your sister and love her. That will be the best witness possible.

Ok thank you! I will be there for her if she needs me and let God work his way in her life. I feel like her mind isnt open to christianity though like she already made up her mind that she hates it and is against it but i guess God can change anyone. I want to make things right with her but i don't want to exactly say i choose her over God because that would not be right at all :/

 

[hoorayitsme]

Once you have delivered the gospel message it is up to the Holy Spirit to work. You can't save them, and if they reject the truth, then all you can do is pray for them to open up their hearts. Be a witness in love.

Thank you sometimes i think i dont know when to shut my mouth and let the holy spirit do its work. I will keep on praying for her and that she is in Gods hands and hopefully she will open up her heart

 

[paul1149]

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.​

You're not her wife, but the principle of serving others still holds. Exercise the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5). Speak the truth in love. Let Holy Spirit woo her and soften her heart, as she sees the change in you and begins to believe in God's power to solve human problems and to fill our hearts with peace. Family is the hardest to deal with, but those qualities are pretty hard to resist when they're genuine.

 

[parsley]

You tried... she knows where you stand.

she said after she quit being a christian she felt like there was a huge burden lifted off of her she felt like there was no one watching her all the time to make good choices. THEN she asked me to respect her belief that there was no god and asked me to CHOOSE her or god

That was probably true about the burden lifted -- religious criticism can weigh heavily on a person. Sometimes it's not even real criticism, but the fear of it, or the scrambling to avoid it. There's a big difference between God's love and how His believers choose to live in the name of His love.

Keep listening to her, and hearing her out. Most people go through a phase of turning down what they used to know, in order to start with a clean slate. In the long run, this can be a good thing if you trust God to keep working in her. Keep praying for her. Prayer usually works faster than words.

You did what you felt you needed to... now close the oven door and let the cake bake. Keep checking on it once in a while, without disrupting the rising process. Be there for her when she wants to vent or ask questions, but don't feel like you have to have the answers. That's probably part of what is disturbing her logic, how our answers come too quickly.

 

[Logeth]

Right now, pray for her! When I turned to God, my sister wanted to tie me near the bed, so I won't go to church. But after some years, she gave her life to Jesus. There is hope for everybody, keep her in your prayers!

 

[heymikey80]

Yes, talk with your pastor. Also, it would be a good idea to build up your ability to interpret and evaluate her words.

Your sister appears somewhat manipulative in her wording. There is a great book out there about this, "Language in Thought & Action" by S.I. Hayakawa. It's not specifically Christian-oriented, but it's helped me across my entire life to see where people were appealing to emotion and power, and not making claims based in fact or reality.

Preview appears on books.google.com .

Her burden appears to have been her own religiosity. That's going to be an inoculant, because that's what she sees Christianity as: religiosity. The more (and the more impetuously) you model Christianity as being distinctly something other than this "gotta do -- or else" rulebook, the less she can hold to that view of Christianity.

 

[Mr Dave]

I agree with the others, you've tried, but from now on, any pushing it will do more harm than good for the relationship between you and your sister. If the topic comes up then you can respond appropriately, but if you regularly instigate the conversation then it can cause a conflict; you say you're new to the faith and your enthusiasm is commendable but to your sister, you're suddenly talking a lot about something she can't associate with so you may appear to be a completely different person and she's struggling to recognise the 'you' that she knows. You can preach the gospel by living it rather than preaching it vocally I'm not trying to defend your sister responses which are extreme, but just trying to see things from her possible point of view too, if that makes sense.

If you want to talk to your youth pastor (sounds like a good idea to have a face to face conversation with someone who's trained who you can trust) then it's probably best to arrange some time together when you're not restricted by time.

I'll pray that things work out for you

 

[Johnnz]

When you get a barrage of reasons against belief that signals time for some serious homework. We need to learn how to respond meaningfully to those objections. Today, there is a lot of material available through books and on line, (its called apologetics)to help anyone prepared to do some honest research and thinking. Doing that will greatly expand your own faith too.

John
NZ

 

[heymikey80]

Addendum: I do not know how close is your relationship with your sister, but I would be really interested in what'd happen if you told her you didn't presently have answers to her questions, but you'd like to look into them with her instead of opposed to her. To be honest, I've "done investigation" for people in my family and it has not worked. It really takes them learning as well from the sources you're learning from: at least you'll both understand one another when it comes down to it -- even when you disagree.

That may be too much for her, too. The emotional reaction she handed back to you was very strongly negative: as if she'd been given the same ultimatum before. Pointing away from her experience, that the ultimatum is not part of this whole thing, is one direction away from this situation. People need space, they're allowed to think for themselves, and we don't have the authority to pressure them -- though we're plenty informed about the urgency, we can't engage in control or manipulation. That doesn't cut to the heart.

I also have plenty of resources about how not to go about this. But I think you've expressed quite well that you're concerned about her. The important part is to express that you're aware you can't make decisions for her.

I think you can also challenge her with, "What is your problem, sister?" I mean it this way: if she doesn't want to be manipulated, neither do you. She should at least recognize that you deserve as much respect for holding your present viewpoint as she deserves for holding hers.

 

[parsley]

Look at how Jesus used subtle wit when He talked. He often told illustrating stories instead of confronting people with truth... a gentler way to absorb. There were times that even his closest disciples didn't get what He was saying. Being cryptic piqued their curiosity.

Not suggesting you start talking too mysteriously to be understood.

Her burden appears to have been her own religiosity. That's going to be an inoculant, because that's what she sees Christianity as: religiosity.

This phrase hit me -- I got flashbacks of friends who had seen that in themselves, and backed off from a situation. When they found error in a church, it was not so much the error that scared them, but what they saw it leading themselves to do to others.

It has happened to me before. Getting so wrapped up in the way a church behaved and operated, that it drew me away from how I'd believed God wanted me to relate to people. I found myself becoming like the people I felt were harming others.

That is one reason we hear agnostics say "no thanks," "please don't call me a Christian" ... not because of God, but in being associated with behavior they'd observed and seen as harmful to others.

Carelessly peppy, self-righteous, pretending to know what can't be fully known, controlling, confrontive over others' life choices... whatever it might be.

We all know there are people misrepresenting the gospel, believers in error, greedy scammers using religion, and normal humans fudging over their foibles. And in contrast we know decent Christians who will give you the shirt off their backs, pray daily for you, and listen in a crisis.

 

[40creek]

Glad to see you still with us. Lots of good advise so I will just touch on the - God is a mass murderer - bit. Remember that God was establishing a brand new movement in His name and His people where terribly out numbered. It was necisarry to show his power and establish His authority and His people. If this was not done the events leading up to Jesus comming would not have been possible and salvation of anybody at all would have never happened. God is ultimate authority and we should niot judge Him. Man has free will and therefore God cannot just zap us with an obediance spell. He had to manipulate a world in which free will christians could get a foot hold and become self sustaining. -- Small tribe-Large enemy, fear of retribution was the salvation of Israel and latter christianity.