Why not marry a non-christian? Gel better with non-christians.

[darktipper]

Why does the bible say this? In my experience non-Christians treated me better even in the friendship area.

 

[* kittie *]

I don't think it's about who you get along better with... but being in unity...like-minded...of the same heart. Christ. Personally, I don't see being a Christian as simply... "oh I believe in this and this". But it is my life. God being the one who should be the reason for my every action.
I think there are fine people that are Christian and non-Christian. Just depends where you look.

 

[Verve]

A Christian marriage is intended to be a microcosm (hope I'm using that word right) of the relationship of the Church to Jesus. If you are aiming to have a fulfilling Christian marriage it really isn't possible without both of you seeking the same things.
This is very important for spiritual growth.

 

[Herring]

We are called not to be yoked with a non-believer. A few individuals can get along fine with differing faith opinions, but I have always been taught that in order for a home to show strong faith in God and be open with that love each partner has to share common faith.

 

[Verve]

Pastor Justin Cox discussed this and I think it explains why better than I can.

YouTube - ‪What's up with Christians Dating Un-believers?‬‏

 

[BRISH]

You can't help who you fall for. Or I haven't been able to control that aspect so far. Maybe there's a trick to this that I don't, but I'm not aware of it. Most I don't regret having been connected to. They're good people.

I've met some pretty sorry Christians.

I guess you can take this in all sorts of directions. I take the scripture that says to not be unequally yoked as a common sense rule. Not some "we are superior thing, ooh don't touch them with a ten foot pole". We're all the same except for a belief.

If this faith is your passion, then you need someone who shares the same passion or there will be conflict. This goes for anything. When something is a passion in someone's life, it drives and influences all other parts of their life. So it's not just "a part" of someone's persona/life. It influences their persona/life which means decision making and rationale. If these two areas aren't pretty similiar between two people, it's a struggle and emotionally damaging to both sides.

 

[MacFall]

Because a marriage is a union of two people, and you cannot be united with someone who has different beliefs and goals than you. You will constantly push against one another, or constantly compromise on what you believe to be right. Your children will receive conflicting moral teaching. It sounds as if you are looking for permission to just do what feels good emotionally, or what is easy. But what is right is rarely either of those things.

 

[mina]

I've always gotten along better with non-Christians; they are sometimes much more accepting and even kind.
However, I could never date or marry someone that is a non-Christian b/c to me marriage is about sharing all of myself and moving forward in life together with my spouse. My faith is important to me and I want it to be important to "us". Not that I had a lot of guys (Christian or not) trying to date me over the years but in a general friendship way I got along better with them.

 

[darktipper]

I understand that the non-christian mate can sway you away from God like what happened to Solomon but I saw that christian marriages have just about the highest divorce rates out there....
I can see what God is saying but now and days with more education to the masses, people know how to treat one another. I dated to women who both went to church back in the day and it was disappointing. I have friends and relatives that went to church and their relationships with their mates faltered also but the couples who did not go to church, they are still going strong. I think this issue is iffy with me this day and age.
So if you had to chose between a caring giving non-christian who is selfless or a selfish believer who once in a while cares for you, which would you pick?

 

[MacFall]

I understand that the non-christian mate can sway you away from God like what happened to Solomon but I saw that christian marriages have just about the highest divorce rates out there....

The possibility of divorce is far from being the only issue.

I can see what God is saying but now and days with more education to the masses, people know how to treat one another.

Education has nothing to do with it. What is right and wrong are written on people's hearts. And largely, educated or otherwise, people don't give a crap.

I dated to women who both went to church back in the day and it was disappointing. I have friends and relatives that went to church and their relationships with their mates faltered also but the couples who did not go to church, they are still going strong. I think this issue is iffy with me this day and age.

Two points on this: (1) you are letting your very limited personal experience color your beliefs about a vast topic. (2) "This day and age" is no different from any other as far as morality goes. "There is nothing new under the sun."

So if you had to chose between a caring giving non-christian who is selfless or a selfish believer who once in a while cares for you, which would you pick?

I would choose, without a moment's hesitation, to remain single.

 

[GoodNewsJim]

Raising kids to love God is tough if you don't have cooperation, but conflict instead.
Mom says God isn't real, but she still loves you dad. I'll be that way too, k?

 

[BRISH]

I've always gotten along better with non-Christians; they are sometimes much more accepting and even kind.
However, I could never date or marry someone that is a non-Christian b/c to me marriage is about sharing all of myself and moving forward in life together with my spouse. My faith is important to me and I want it to be important to "us". Not that I had a lot of guys (Christian or not) trying to date me over the years but in a general friendship way I got along better with them.

Bolded parts:

1. Isn't that sad? I find it to be true though, "IRL".
2. Exactly

 

[Sapphyre]

I understand that the non-christian mate can sway you away from God like what happened to Solomon but I saw that christian marriages have just about the highest divorce rates out there....
I can see what God is saying but now and days with more education to the masses, people know how to treat one another. I dated to women who both went to church back in the day and it was disappointing. I have friends and relatives that went to church and their relationships with their mates faltered also but the couples who did not go to church, they are still going strong. I think this issue is iffy with me this day and age.
So if you had to chose between a caring giving non-christian who is selfless or a selfish believer who once in a while cares for you, which would you pick?

Personally I believe some Christians get married way too young for the wrong reasons. Not that non-Christians don't do this too, but when you're taught not to have sex before marriage the average marrying age plummets. This probably accounts for a lot of troubled Christian marriages later on.

The thing is... if you have a serious issue you need to work out in your life and you're a Christian, God is going to influence that decision. Someone who doesn't believe in God won't understand this reasoning, and it'll drive you guys apart. It might not always be drastic, but it'll happen. I've seen it happen in friendships as well as relationships.

Just as a disclaimer, I have tons of friends who aren't Christians. This is just what I've experienced.

And to answer your last question, neither. I'd rather be single.

 

[Daughter of Ararat]

I dated a guy once who was not a strong Christian. He would express dislikes about Christians occasionally, and express respect for other religions. He didn't understand why a religion where people had done something bad could actually be a good religion. We were on different pages. (This was annoying to me after a while.) He greatly valued love, but didn't see as clearly the expression of love in my religion-which is about love. (If we married and had kids, then I died, how would our children have been raised?) Honestly, it did influence me in how closely I felt aligned with the church. (It's part of why I felt more easily detached from my faith that year, among other things.)

Your life should be one that lives out your values. You should be with someone who shares your values. Values that affect how you live aren't just about rejecting false restrictions of churchianity or religiosity in favor of love and faith in something. Love and faith are the foundation for many values. If that foundation is different, the values that you live may overlap, but they will also depart in ways that can be trying on your values. Do you value fellowship with real believers? Do you value sharing God's word? Do you value spending time in worship? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone whom you cannot turn to for prayer? There may be moral issues that come up later in life, but if you start from that same page of Christ, then you won't be too far off from each other-helps with compatibility.

Personally, I want someone who will help me be a better person, pray for me, encourage me even in my faith, and who would share this one day with our children. I want someone who will share with me what should be (Ok, isn't always but should be) the most important thing in our lives. I think there would be deeper intimacy if we can understand each other in this shared perspective.

Here are two perspectives on marriage that I have heard. Catholic view: in marriage, the role of the spouses is to help each other get to heaven. Other view from a Protestant church I visited: Marriage is a re-enactment of the gospel where the Husband is like the Jesus and the Wife is the Church (Eph. 5:25-27).

To me, this gives food for thought about what it means to be equally or unequally yolked together. I hope this helps.

 

[mina]

I would choose to be single. Fortunately, there are Christians out there that are caring, giving, and selfless as well. You might have to be patient a while for you to meet them; but they are out there.

 

[white dove]

I'm probably going to open up a big can of worms, but I don't care. I don't think any Non-Christian will go running away from this anyway. I, too, have experienced more acceptance with Non-Christians. Non-Christians are less-likely to judge, more likely to mind their own business and not tear me down when I've made a mistake. You want to know why I truly believe the ones that I have encountered are like this though? I don't really believe that Non-Christians are any better than Christians; likewise, I don't believe for one moment Christians are better than Non-Christians. It isn't because they really do understand the concept of forgiveness and letting go moreso than a Christian. I think that Non-Christians I have encountered are less-likely to judge me because they, too, do not want to be judged. Nobody likes to be told that what they're doing, how they're conducting their life is wrong, questionable... whatever. I've heard Non-Christians say to my face that they have a problem with Christians who judge who really have no business judging others (because Christians, like Non-Christians, sometimes fail and fail hard). Non-Christians tend to be the firm believers in judge not lest ye be judged philosophy. For a less-dogmatic person or an Atheist, life to them is temporary.. fleeting. Each day is literally it for them. Because their view of life is not focused on the eternal but rather, what is staring them right in the face, they are less-likely to sweat the small stuff - or "small stuff" (because sometimes what we see as small is really a big deal).

Christians, on the other hand, are hard on each other. I fight with myself whether or not that is justified. On one hand, I think Hell yeah, we should be held to higher standards. If *THIS* is the right way, how can we get it so wrong sometimes? Etc etc etc.. On the other hand, I think that forgiveness, humility and love ought to be the cornerstones of what we believe and how we view life and everyone else. They are the "glasses" we should be looking out of. As such, judgment is only good when spoken in love and for the better of others.



AnYHOOOO...


OP: I think others have probably said it better than I ever could. If you are a firm believer in the faith and you are considering dating someone who doesn't share that faith, you're essentially setting yourself up for failure. You can try to make it work. You can pray for and believe that he or she will somehow come to the faith at some point after you've already said your vows, had your 2.5 children and perhaps maybe before retirement... but you're asking a lot from someone who does not deserve to share that kind of present and future with you. If you cannot accept and love someone where they're at, if you want to change them/convert them.. he or she is not the right person for you. If two cannot decide on a path, how can the two walk together? If you cannot agree on your final destination (ideally, heaven - just sayin'), how can you make even a single step? There is no mind-meld. There certainly isn't a spiritual one. So, you're left with the physical. And if that is all you're looking for, you shouldn't be single for very long (and perhaps married for very long should it come to that).

 

[darktipper]

If you guys say that it is all about values and such then I may as well prepare myself for a life or talking to wall and getting a pet....

I think that I am too loyal of a person now and days and that is probably why I failed in the past.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Why does the bible say this? In my experience non-Christians treated me better even in the friendship area.

Do as you wish. It's a recommendation. Paul feels that Christians are better suited to marry fellow Christians, but if you feel otherwise, then go ahead. The notion that you have to do something one way just because it's in the Bible is absurd....

 

[BRISH]

I'm probably going to open up a big can of worms, but I don't care. I don't think any Non-Christian will go running away from this anyway. I, too, have experienced more acceptance with Non-Christians. Non-Christians are less-likely to judge, more likely to mind their own business and not tear me down when I've made a mistake. You want to know why I truly believe the ones that I have encountered are like this though? I don't really believe that Non-Christians are any better than Christians; likewise, I don't believe for one moment Christians are better than Non-Christians. It isn't because they really do understand the concept of forgiveness and letting go moreso than a Christian. I think that Non-Christians I have encountered are less-likely to judge me because they, too, do not want to be judged. Nobody likes to be told that what they're doing, how they're conducting their life is wrong, questionable... whatever.

That's not a can of worms. It's just a fact and a given.



My view is that I witness grace more so from non-christians (here where I'm at) than Christians. It's not about me feeling more comfortable around them. We all know that you don't want to get comfortable. It's about sympathy.

Situation example:

Messing up and having a non-believer seek you out to tell you "hey, I've been there. We all do it. Let me help you get of this place. Here's what I did. I noticed you."

Versus a believer turning face, judging, and literally making you have to earn their "grace" if you can at all.

Or just accepting someone even if they look ragged and aren't quite "there" and doing so out of sympathy. A Local pastor wont help because it will tarnish the church's reputation. That, was what I heard straight out of his mouth. This is a common thing here.

It is not this way every time in every place. I do not want it to seem that I have this view in general. I don't, but I see a lot of it here. It's sad. I'm not putting Christians down in general. I just see this "lack" and it should be motivating for the rest of us.

 

[BRISH]

If you guys say that it is all about values and such then I may as well prepare myself for a life or talking to wall and getting a pet....

I think that I am too loyal of a person now and days and that is probably why I failed in the past.

I don't think that has really been the point made here. I think the general concensus is that if we don't agree on how to handle issues in life, then there will be a much higher risk of problems happening.