Why is it so hard to beileve in Jesus Christ?????????

[Job8]

what if im not meant to be saved. ??????????

Read the third chapter of the Gospel of John, and see these verses (KJV):

17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. [DOES THE WORLD INCLUDE YOU?]

18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.

20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.

Believing is very simple. Just as you believe that if you step out of your home on a sunny day, you will see the sun, you can believe that if you go to Christ, you will meet the Son.

 

[paul1149]

Then why won't He help me when I pray everyday and night for belief?

That's a real good question. I've puzzled over God's seeming silence many a time. There's a lot that can be said, but I believe it comes down to our need to approach Him in faith. Of course He can do whatever He wishes, but I think as a general rule we need to press into believing what He has already spoken. For instance, every time the disciples asked for their faith to be increased, Jesus responded essentially by telling them to use what they already had, even if it seemed only the size of a mustard seed.

Exercising the faith you already have, however weak it seems, is miles apart from wishing for more. Jesus said, "To he who has, more will be given. But to he who has not, even what he has will be taken away." It's imperative that we act on what we have if we want to get more. I don't want to belittle asking for more faith, and sometimes I think doing so is appropriate, and I know how much pain can be wrapped up in not connecting on this issue, but the scripture is quite clear about this.

In the great movie, "The Verdict", Paul Newman ends his court summation by quoting his religious upbringing: "Act as if you had faith, and more will be given". I think this is derived from what I have written above, and there is an awful lot of wisdom in it. It's better to get moving in God than to ask Him to do everything for us.

Find something you can believe God for. His love. His goodness in creating us. Anything. Whatever you can find positive and good about God. Dwell on it. The difference between the most humble position of faith and the most exalted position of unbelief is immense. God can do something with the former, but He can do nothing with the latter.

Read the book of Philippians, esp Ch 4, which is all about rejoicing and filling yourself with a positive attitude. This is your best defense against the doubts that are plaguing you. Keep filling yourself with scripture and thoughts of God's goodness. The more you exalt God, the more you are lifted up.

 

[oi_antz]

I'm really not sure. Maybe it's just that as a child I developed trust issues. It's just like one second I believe or maybe just acknowledge that I think those things(the Crucifixion and resurrection) are true, then the next second I find myself trying as hard as I can to believe.

Ok, then it seems you are doubting that what the writers in the New Testament gospels say, is true. I know that people can believe the gospels were written with exaggeration for greater impact, or that they were written by people who were trying to establish a new system of rulership. Both of these are to say that the people writing the four gospels were intentionally dishonest. Do you agree that you are struggling with doubt because you believe the four gospel books are not 100% honest?

When you say that you think the crucifixion is not true, can you please explain for us, a bit of the perspective that you are exploring there?

 

[Countryangel707]

Ok, then it seems you are doubting that what the writers in the New Testament gospels say, is true. I know that people can believe the gospels were written with exaggeration for greater impact, or that they were written by people who were trying to establish a new system of rulership. Both of these are to say that the people writing the four gospels were intentionally dishonest. Do you agree that you are struggling with doubt because you believe the four gospel books are not 100% honest?

When you say that you think the crucifixion is not true, can you please explain for us, a bit of the perspective that you are exploring there?

Well I think that all that is in those things happened. It's just weird like I guess i am having trouble actually accepting them and trusting in them. I seem to be this way with all history not just the Bible. All that I can say is that it all points back to the depersonalization disorder, OCD, and possible depression that I have.

 

[oi_antz]

Well I think that all that is in those things happened. It's just weird like I guess i am having trouble actually accepting them and trusting in them. I seem to be this way with all history not just the Bible. All that I can say is that it all points back to the depersonalization disorder, OCD, and possible depression that I have.

Then why won't He help me when I pray everyday and night for belief?

If you just keep making yourself believe, it is like pumping air into a balloon to keep it full, while always running around patching up the holes. The problem is actually that the balloon you are inflating is not solid, because it keeps getting holes. Rather, what you should do is investigate why your balloon is not made of a quality membrane. Using this analogy, a quality balloon (let's say, the truth) will not develop holes, and it will not pop under pressure. The only way a quality balloon can deflate, is if the air that has been pumped into it is sucked out of it.

I recognise that the balloon you have (the basis of your faith), must be somewhat of an imitation of the real thing (no offence intended, it's just a tip). Therefore, I suggest that for you to have a solid faith that has natural, self-sustaining belief, you need to identify how to place your faith on the rock of truth. It seems to me that your experience in Christianity is like all of us who grew up within it and adopted it as a given without having really questioned it: probably you have come to understand the promises etc of the eternal consequences of Christian faith, but seeing as have been afraid to courageously question what we have believed, not really come to a self-discovered understanding of the real political story of Jesus, the kingdom of God on earth, the various powers that challenge/covet it, and why Christians are called to be faithful. Once you understand how serious the situation is and that God's people are required to cooperate with and serve Him obediently; that an innocent man was not trusted and accepted for being totally honest and good, but was slandered, wrongly accused, and brutally eliminated because He spoke unwelcome truths.. probably you will accept the calling to serve Him.

That basis of faith will result in the real, sincere belief of what you have actually realized is true, and you would never again have this cause to doubt. I do not really think that blaming any mental problems (anxiety, OCD) will help you to get the solution. I do believe that seeking and obtaining the right understanding of what Christianity is about will inspire you to have faith, and that will give you the solution. Furthermore, exercising a good relationship with God will enable Him to teach you how to manage anxiety, so that you will become more peaceful and calm, as these are the resulting fruits of a person who trusts in Him and learns to live His way.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Well I think that all that is in those things happened. It's just weird like I guess i am having trouble actually accepting them and trusting in them. I seem to be this way with all history not just the Bible. All that I can say is that it all points back to the depersonalization disorder, OCD, and possible depression that I have.

Hi Countryangel707,

I'd like to bring your attention to something which may help with grasping the historical import of your faith. It's something I'm sure you already know, although each of us knows it in a unique, individual way.

Keep this in mind: The overall reality in which you and I live is not only one we wake up to every day, but it is also one, whether we consciously recognize it or not, from which we "infer" that our lives today are made from the collection of all our yesterdays.

Some of those yesterdays will be your own, ones you've experienced, enabling you to perhaps retain memories tucked away in your mind, present since the time you were born; while the rest of those yesterdays will have taken place before you came into this world, that is, they are those of your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and so on. Try to remind yourself that the rest of those yesterdays are just as real as your own yesterdays have been.

Some of those yesterdays will reach even further back. Some of those yesterdays, in fact, will trace and link the history of the Christian Church as a whole, going all the way back to Jesus' day...and all of His yesterdays...

All of these yesterdays are real in some way and still reside in our individual beings; again, we are 'made from' our yesterdays. They are something we can think about if and when any of us are inclined to think about "history." And having this kind of awareness about our yesterdays may be helpful in our understanding and holding of today's faith, even if we may or may not feel the weight of all those yesterdays upon our own life. Think about this truth, Angel, when you're feeling disconnected from faith...

Peace to you, Angel.

2PhiloVoid

 

[Countryangel707]

If you just keep making yourself believe, it is like pumping air into a balloon to keep it full, while always running around patching up the holes. The problem is actually that the balloon you are inflating is not solid, because it keeps getting holes. Rather, what you should do is investigate why your balloon is not made of a quality membrane. Using this analogy, a quality balloon (let's say, the truth) will not develop holes, and it will not pop under pressure. The only way a quality balloon can deflate, is if the air that has been pumped into it is sucked out of it.

I recognise that the balloon you have (the basis of your faith), must be somewhat of an imitation of the real thing (no offence intended, it's just a tip). Therefore, I suggest that for you to have a solid faith that has natural, self-sustaining belief, you need to identify how to place your faith on the rock of truth. It seems to me that your experience in Christianity is like all of us who grew up within it and adopted it as a given without having really questioned it: probably you have come to understand the promises etc of the eternal consequences of Christian faith, but seeing as have been afraid to courageously question what we have believed, not really come to a self-discovered understanding of the real political story of Jesus, the kingdom of God on earth, the various powers that challenge/covet it, and why Christians are called to be faithful. Once you understand how serious the situation is and that God's people are required to cooperate with and serve Him obediently; that an innocent man was not trusted and accepted for being totally honest and good, but was slandered, wrongly accused, and brutally eliminated because He spoke unwelcome truths.. probably you will accept the calling to serve Him.

That basis of faith will result in the real, sincere belief of what you have actually realized is true, and you would never again have this cause to doubt. I do not really think that blaming any mental problems (anxiety, OCD) will help you to get the solution. I do believe that seeking and obtaining the right understanding of what Christianity is about will inspire you to have faith, and that will give you the solution. Furthermore, exercising a good relationship with God will enable Him to teach you how to manage anxiety, so that you will become more peaceful and calm, as these are the resulting fruits of a person who trusts in Him and learns to live His way.

so are you saying im a false convert?? i dont want to go to hell. eternity is a long time.

 

[Leet]

so are you saying im a false convert?? i dont want to go to hell. eternity is a long time.

I don't think he's meaning to say that. Or if he is, he's not taking the OCD into account.

 

[paul1149]

CountryAngel, we can attribute many things to God's character. He is just, He is kind, He is patient, He is holy. But there's only one place in the Bible that God is actually equated to what we would otherwise consider an attribute. While we might think that God is loving, 1 John takes it a step further and says that God is love.

God is love. You don't have to jump through anyone's hoops to get to God. You don't have to do somersaults to be forgiven by Him. You don't have to perform in order to become worthy of the Lord entering your heart. You simply have to ask from your heart for these things. That's all God waits for - our willingness. That's why Jn 3.16 says "whosoever will" will have eternal life.

My hope and prayer for you is that you can begin to rest in Him, and not have these doubts assail you constantly. Jesus calls us to just that :

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Matt 11:28-30​

Every time Jesus shows up in the New Testament and the person fears, Jesus tells him "fear not". Malignant fear is not of God (2Tim 1.7). You do not have to accept it (Gal 5.1). Please fill your mind with thoughts that reflect God's goodness. Call to mind all His good promises toward you. There are many. We can drive ourselves into a rut with fear, so that it's hard to hear the comforting voice of Holy Spirit. Take authority and stand on the promises (Eph 6.12-ff). "God did not send the Son to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." (Jn .,17) His intentions toward you are good and kind. Never let go of that. It will be food for your soul.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. -Jer 29:11​

 

[oi_antz]

so are you saying im a false convert?? i dont want to go to hell. eternity is a long time.

Well, I am not suggesting that your conversion is false, only that your education of Christianity is failing your faith. It is not something to be ashamed of, but that if corrected, would solve this problem of doubt. I don't believe God is the type to take pleasure in tormenting people forever. Though, I would also understand the temptation to do so in some cases. Nothing is impossible for Him. I understand that He loves people to do good, do right by others. I understand that He wants us to live happy forever. I understand that those who are slaves to sin can make life unhappy for others. So we can be disqualified from being suitable for everlasting life if we love sin more than righteousness. So I would say probably you can be confident in your salvation, but you should invest in your faith by pursuing a deep understanding of the reality of life. God's sovereign rule of the world is the issue, and sin is taking many captives. God can save us, if we will respond to the call. But we can also trade that away for sin. If we fail to overcome sin, we jeopardize our opportunity to help bring others to gain salvation. It's really a serious matter. Jesus really did so much to make it possible for us to have faith and serve God. You should pray and ask Him to give you all the understanding you need. I would like to help you pray for that, would you like to join me in that prayer?

 

[oi_antz]

I'm going to pray anyway, I am sure you won't object to that.

Dear heavenly father, we appreciate you for always being there. We know that you have not abandoned us even though it causes you grief to endure the wickedness in the world. So we are eternally grateful that you choose to endure for our sake. We ask you to keep teaching us how we can make you glad so that we can say that you didn't waste it on us. We pray for sister's struggle, as she has some gaps in her knowledge of your purposes. We ask for your action in this matter, to bring her into a position of understanding that will enable her to have comfort in the faith she has placed in you. We ask for you to move in her life, to become a presence that she cannot innocently doubt, so that she will never forget how real you are and that you are always there for her. Please knock on her door so she will open it, and when she does, please invite her to be your friend forever. As we are confident that Jesus loves our sister more than we even know, we make our requests in His name. Amen.

 

[Countryangel707]

Ok I am starting to trust a little at least I think I am . But it still feels kind of shaky. I am just telling myself that Jesus really did die on the cross for my sins and the sins of the world and that He did rise on the third day. Like I said I am still a little shakyin faith and in and out but maybe i'm getting there.

 

[razzelflabben]

Ok so a little background on me, I am 18 will soon be 19 and I thought that I was saved at the age of 6 I remember getting on my knees and begging God to protect me from satan and hell. Well about a month after turning 18 I began to have incredibly serious doubts and depression that followed those doubts. Its like all of a sudden it was impossible for me to believe. Now I am in the situation where every now in then I get a little boost of trust in Jesus. I tell myself just trust that He really did die for you and really did rise again on the third day. Even as I type this I feel like deep down inside I know that is true but it's like something in my head is just not agreeing. I pray everyday since this all started that God would just open my heart and allow me to just have true Biblical saving faith in Him. I started multiple Bible reading plans and have been trying everything I know to do. It's like when I'm trying to do stuff I just keep getting like this feeling of what if my belief is not truly genuine then I go into the I can't believe then a few minutes later I'm like I think I trust but I really don't know. Please help I want to go to Heaven I really do. I want to serve God but I'm having trouble. My Boyfriend(He's 16) has told me he is also having these troubles. I'm not sure if it affects it or not but I have OCD and I have depersonalization disorder. Please help me. God Bless!

Recently, I have been struggling with getting out of bed and doing anything. You see, I was 6 when I gave my life to Christ but unlike you, I was so consumed by His Love that I never doubted. What is causing my issues of currently, is yet another church that wants to silence me. But, what I am learning about God through this silence, I think will help you as well.

Belief unto salvation is a belief of the heart not the mind. As such it is more like a determination to follow than it is a rational understanding that makes us feel a certain way. For example, in my head I know that nothing that happens is outside God's permission, yet here I am unable to share Christ within my own church at the moment. Mentally I know truth, within, I can't "feel" it. My feelings don't change truth, my feelings don't make me saved or unsaved, my feelings can and often are deceptive. So in order to combat the thoughts that make us doubt, we go to scripture.

First we ask God to search us and know us and find and reveal any wicked way in us. IOW's we allow God to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This is vital because scripture tells us that God hears the prayers of the righteous but He turns a deaf ear to the prayers of the unrighteous.

Second, ask for wisdom. James 1 tells us that any time we suffer, we need to ask God for wisdom and then trust that He is giving it to us.

Third, the conflict is in your mind, so renew your mind in Christ. This involves taking your thoughts captive and setting those thoughts on the things of God. When our son died, the images and sounds of that day, threatened to overpower us, to take us into a depression that we could not escape from. So, we took scripture to heart and took our thoughts captive. IOW's every time one of those thoughts and memories would come, we would refuse it and instead think about something good. For me it was a vacation we all took together, the only one we did get to take with everyone. Eventually, our thoughts changed and healing found us. This does not mean you should convince yourself of something that is not, which is why cleansing is so important, but once your are cleansed by God, the thoughts are a relatively easy thing to change.

May you find peace in our Lord, grace to endure and strength to be transformed by His Love

 

[Hospes]

Ok I am starting to trust a little at least I think I am . But it still feels kind of shaky. I am just telling myself that Jesus really did die on the cross for my sins and the sins of the world and that He did rise on the third day. Like I said I am still a little shakyin faith and in and out but maybe i'm getting there.

Country,
I know this may be hard, but I think you need to place your eyes on God and less on your overactive self-evaluation. It is God through what Jesus did who saves a person and reconciles them to Himself. You seem to be intent on looking inside yourself for confirmation, rather than looking to God to do what he said he will do. As I said, this may be very difficult given your natural tendencies. Difficult or not, I encourage you to steer your thoughts away from self introspection on this matter a practice facing the eyes of your heart outward , "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." (Heb. 12:2)

Here are some practical ways of doing this:

1. Write down and memorize scripture affirming it is God who saves you and guards you for himself
2. Listen to music that is "God-centered", i.e. that turns your attention to him and not to yourself. (Worship music is a good way, e.g. Pandora "Praise and Worship")
3. Carry what you wrote down as part of #1 and read it throughout the day.
4. When praying, make sure the focus is largely on enjoying who God is, what he has done, and what he has promised to do.
5. Preach the truth of what you see in the passage from #1 to yourself. Saturate your self-talk with Biblical truth. This practice of preaching the best sermon of Biblical truth to yourself is hugely valuable. Try it!

The things I've listed, among others, are called "means of grace." In other words, they open the way to let God pour his goodness and strength into your heart.

Hope this helps.

 

[Countryangel707]

Country,
I know this may be hard, but I think you need to place your eyes on God and less on your overactive self-evaluation. It is God through what Jesus did who saves a person and reconciles them to Himself. You seem to be intent on looking inside yourself for confirmation, rather than looking to God to do what he said he will do. As I said, this may be very difficult given your natural tendencies. Difficult or not, I encourage you to steer your thoughts away from self introspection on this matter a practice facing the eyes of your heart outward , "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." (Heb. 12:2)

Here are some practical ways of doing this:

1. Write down and memorize scripture affirming it is God who saves you and guards you for himself
2. Listen to music that is "God-centered", i.e. that turns your attention to him and not to yourself. (Worship music is a good way, e.g. Pandora "Praise and Worship")
3. Carry what you wrote down as part of #1 and read it throughout the day.
4. When praying, make sure the focus is largely on enjoying who God is, what he has done, and what he has promised to do.
5. Preach the truth of what you see in the passage from #1 to yourself. Saturate your self-talk with Biblical truth. This practice of preaching the best sermon of Biblical truth to yourself is hugely valuable. Try it!

The things I've listed, among others, are called "means of grace." In other words, they open the way to let God pour his goodness and strength into your heart.

Hope this helps.

So I basically just keep telling myself it's true until i believe it?

 

[oi_antz]

You will really benefit the most by forming a relationship with God. What is probably easy for you, to cultivate this, is every day make time to pray, say ten minutes or so. Thank Him for the life He gave you. If you can think of five things each day to thank Him for, it will quickly surprise you as you realise what He is doing in your life, so that you will love Him. Afterall, He did make life for us, so that we will thank Him and love Him for it. Thankfulness really is the easiest way for us to build a relationship with Him. If you carry a thankful attitude throughout each day, thank Him for everything as you go in life, you will really come close to Him and you will get to know Him just by doing that. I would suggest that this probably should be what you make to be your priority. Instead of learning how to think that all the Christian theory of salvation has saved you, simply trust Him, acknowledge Him, praise Him through the whole day, and just condition your heart to believe that if He is not pleased with the way you are living, or if He wants you to believe certain things that you find difficult to believe, then He is going to need to guide you to those realisations because you can't do it by yourself. Then just leave it in His hands and relax.

I am sure you know that we never can live perfectly without being wrong in some way, and you probably know that we are able to live in a way that we do know is wrong. So concentrate on making that distinction and be honest with Him, that according to your present understanding, you don't have perfect certainty about some Christian teachings. You also know that only He can fix that. No person here, or even yourself can change that. All we can do is tell you what we know. All you can do is be completely innocent about what you do with that information. The rest is up to God. St. Paul wrote "we sow and water, but it is God who gives the increase". So relax as much as you should about it. Thank Him, because you have so many reasons to do so, and trust Him. He is not going to condemn you for not doing what you didn't know you should do, and He isn't going to condemn you for not believing something you don't understand. Instead, He is going to love you and help you to come to understand the things that will enable you to believe. But sometimes, it takes time to teach a person new understandings, because understandings are built upon understandings. Probably, if you hand the matter to Him and pay attention to what life teaches you from day to day, you will notice that understandings are being developed, and some day it will just click like a light switch has gone one. A moment of "eureka!" - and you will suddenly understand, and then you can believe. But don't try to force it, because that is to lean on your own understanding. Instead, trust Him, acknowledge and thank Him in everything, and He will guide you to the green pastures.

The scriptures state "those who put their trust in Jesus will never be disappointed" - so just be certain that your life is in His hands, and trust Him. You have plenty more life left to learn all the things you can learn, and probably you will see this lesson taught within a year. Of course, the penny could drop within days, or it could have dropped even as I wrote all of this, the timing is entirely for God to decide. Hand it over to Him, and go on living in a way that you know is pure, according to what you know He expects of you. Nothing more than that should be expected of you, and thank Him continuously for everything. I am sure that He will give you peace

 

[Hospes]

So I basically just keep telling myself it's true until i believe it?

No, you reaffirm to yourself what you believe. If you do not believe that Jesus Christ is God, that he paid the ransom to redeem you from your slavery to sin, and he reconciled you to God so that you are an adopted child of God, then what I wrote really doesn't apply. I apologize if I mistakenly thought you had some degree of believing the Gospel.

BTW, the part I wrote of turning your focus off yourself does apply regardless of you embracing the Gospel.

 

[Countryangel707]

No, you reaffirm to yourself what you believe. If you do not believe that Jesus Christ is God, that he paid the ransom to redeem you from your slavery to sin, and he reconciled you to God so that you are an adopted child of God, then what I wrote really doesn't apply. I apologize if I mistakenly thought you had some degree of believing the Gospel.

BTW, the part I wrote of turning your focus off yourself does apply regardless of you embracing the Gospel.

Well I'm not sure if what I have is belief or not. I mean I do believe that Jesus is the son of God and I know that He died for our sins on the cross. My problem is just trusting in that for my salvation. I just feel like there is something that I have to do. I realize that there is nothing that I can do though. I can't even believe and trust in those things without God helping me. And that has been my prayer every night for almost a year, that He would help me to believe because I am not able to. So I'm not sure if what I have is just belief or just acknowledgement.

 

[oi_antz]

Well I'm not sure if what I have is belief or not. I mean I do believe that Jesus is the son of God and I know that He died for our sins on the cross. My problem is just trusting in that for my salvation. I just feel like there is something that I have to do. I realize that there is nothing that I can do though. I can't even believe and trust in those things without God helping me. And that has been my prayer every night for almost a year, that He would help me to believe because I am not able to. So I'm not sure if what I have is just belief or just acknowledgement.

We are called to action, that is true. Whenever we learn of sin in our life, we need to choose to do good and to not practice sin. By living that way, which is called repentance, we can be freed from the power that sin would have over us. Some people enjoy their sin so much that they will not repent, and in this way they are enslaved by their sin.

Two commandments are said to be generally perfect, to achieve this: love God, and love others. As you learn what love is, you will understand why these two commandments are perfectly complete for salvation.

Jesus said that life (the meaning of being spiritually alive, rather than spiritually dead - the spirit reborn, and not extinguished by sin) is "coming to know God and the one He sent". But if people choose to continue doing what they know they should not do, then they are not listening to God or honouring Him. Instead they are choosing to end their relationship with Him and to carry on living in sin. Keep in mind, that Christians can do this too, and because they are no longer listening to Him, they can still believe that they are saved, because that is what they want to believe. Scriptures state over and over that sin earns death, so we must rule over sin in order to have life. It is impossible to overcome sin by ourselves, but as God is the one who shapes our growth, if we like to be the sort to grow to His pleasure, then it is possible with His help.

You and I are free to worship God in spirit and in truth, because of what Jesus did. We are not accountable to men who claim authority in God's name, we are accountable only to the truth. That is the meaning of the ransom sacrifice, to establish a new covenant with God through the blood of Christ. It is the action that enabled His prophecy of Matthew 21:43-44 to come true.

 

[Hospes]

Well I'm not sure if what I have is belief or not. I mean I do believe that Jesus is the son of God and I know that He died for our sins on the cross. My problem is just trusting in that for my salvation. I just feel like there is something that I have to do. I realize that there is nothing that I can do though. I can't even believe and trust in those things without God helping me. And that has been my prayer every night for almost a year, that He would help me to believe because I am not able to. So I'm not sure if what I have is just belief or just acknowledgement.

I guess my one encouragement would be for you to not seek salvation, but rather seek to follow and know Jesus Christ. He said himself that eternal life was "that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." (Jn 17:3) So instead of looking for your own salvation, pursue knowing God and his son and leave your salvation in his hands.

Another note: even while being Jesus' disciples, it seemed to take about three years for the eleven apostles to fully embrace who he was and what his work on the cross really meant to them personally. Country, be strong and persevere. The reward of knowing God as the perfect father, of being fully known and fully loved, and to be set free from slavery to sin's grip is worth some pursuit.

Grace to you.