I hope you find peace eventually.
This issue is not so hard to come to terms with I find. Those churches who adhere to scripture are free to refuse to officiate a gay marriage before the eyes of God.
Those churches who allow gays are going to have to explain rebuking scripture when allowing immoral sinful fornicators to wed in God's house.
Marriage licenses though are issued by the States. They're not religious decrees they're State civil contracts to my understanding. They're issued to Christians and non-Christians alike.
The definition of marriage therefore in the eyes of the religious can not be forcibly changed by a high court. However, it is certainly that courts right to amend the legal secular definition so as to be in keeping with the Constitution.
I think if we as scripture based believers focus our attentions on the sin of the sinners among us and let that affect our state of mind, we'll suffer the side effects that come from that stress over what is outside our control.
Render unto Caesar that which is Caesars and unto God the things that are God's.
I think we can serve and rule in God's name in our churches. We can give light and hope from our hearts to the fallen and bear no enmity to the lost.
And we can let Caesar do as it wishes when it is outside our control and we can not rightly force the government to outlaw sin.
But we can not agree to allow sin to perpetrate itself in the house of worship where sin is to be redeemed. Not tolerated.
Pray for the gays. Bear no malice. It is truly between them and God. And how we act in Christ's name is up to us when we look toward the judgment.
How did you treat your fellow man and woman? Did you see the holy source in them as that what was created by the one and only God?
I imagine a question like that being posed to me at the throne. And God knows the truth in my heart and of my life and the answer shall last me for eternity.
God be with us all.