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When are you ready to get engaged? married?

Discussion in 'Courting Couples' started by Bootstrap, Dec 16, 2008.

  1. Bootstrap

    Bootstrap Regular Member

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    How do you know when you're ready to get engaged? married?

    How do you know when it's too soon?

    Jonathan
     
  2. Mrs. Luther073082

    Mrs. Luther073082 Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

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    Subscribing.

    For engagement I would say after at least six months of dating or knowing each other. If you haven't even known each other for six months that's too soon, in my opinion.

    Before you get engaged the two of you should have done some talking about marriage, too, obviously. Hopefully quite a bit of talking about it. I think it would be smarter to talk extensively about marriage and the possible issues that can come up way before investing in ring or before you start planning a wedding.

    And it should be when you are both feeling very sure that you want to marry each other. (You ever see people who seem more excited about the idea of getting married than they are excited about the person they are marrying?)

    For marriage I would say when you can handle it financially, emotionally, etc.

    Not everything has to be perfect first... if people waited for all their ducks to be in a row and for everything to be perfect then no one would ever get married. But obviously there are some things it would be smart to wait and have in order before marriage... like a place to live for example.
     
  3. X=?

    X=? A voice crying in the wilderness.

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    I agree as a guy with this but I also think deep down inside you also know when you're ready, it just feels right. Love can take time to develop and in some it can take longer.
     
  4. peanutbutter12

    peanutbutter12 Senior Veteran

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    There are several things to prepare for before you get married. You need to make sure you're ready financially, mentally, and spiritually. It's a permanent decision you make, so preparing yourself is a must. I also highly recommend marriage counseling which will bring issues to front that you don't consider yourself usually.
     
  5. Darth Bagel

    Darth Bagel Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure, I think each persons maturity plays into it in a big way. Some people get married relatively soon cause they not only know they are in love, but they grasp the whole concept of marriage. They're not just thinking of the short term, but they're looking years and years down the road and considering the fact that there will be hardships and rough patches along the way - that's just the reality of it. But if they're willing to pledge themselves to the Lord and each other knowing full well they'll face difficult times together (for better or for worse) and desire to stand by one another in the midst of these hardships, then my opinion is they are pretty well prepared.

    However, if a person simply thinks idealistically about marriage (as in, they only ever think of the wedding or the honeymoon but never beyond that...never beyond the "pretty scenes" in a marriage) then they need to hold off.

    That's just my opinion, and my thoughts are still processing on the question somewhat, hehe.
     
  6. Bootstrap

    Bootstrap Regular Member

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    Hmmmm, we're perhaps older than some of y'all, we've each been married once before, we've talked a lot about the hard times, and finances, and how to deal with kids, and retirement, and all that. Much more than we've talked about the wedding and the honeymoon, we're going to have to flesh in some details on those things if we decide to get married ;->

    Jonathan
     
  7. explodingboy

    explodingboy Guest

    well, I'll be engaged in a month or so, and I believe that puts the entire relationship at about year and a half or two.

    The marriage itself will be nearer graduation from uni and once the whole work thing is sorted which being a non national is allittle bit tricky in the paper work but we have been looking at the options for a while now. As to planning for the future, I think the wedding and honeymoon are the only thing we don't talk about. kids, finances and general what we want to do with our lives together is about all we discuss.
     
  8. Hot N Spicy

    Hot N Spicy New Member

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    I'm waiting until I meet that special someone.... WITH HUGE BIG ASS TITTIES!
     
  9. HollyDoris

    HollyDoris Guest

    I'm reading the book "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris right now; it's a book about courting. Some guidelines the book gave about knowing when you're ready to court are that if you're doing it because it's godly and right and with lots of wisdom, not out of impatience. That's kind of vague, but basically you just need to be in a lot of prayer about it and be pursuing a wife for the right reasons, because it will help you to serve God better. If you're pursuing a wife simply out of an impatient desire to be married or for sexual reasons then you aren't ready to be a godly husband. It's not wrong to desire marriage but you need to be sure that your motives are pure.

    I'm not an expert or anything but that's what I got out of the book so far. I actually really recommend it; it's great for answering a lot of questions in that area. :)
     
  10. greenteaplum

    greenteaplum Newbie

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    My boyfriend and I started that book and our committment faded from it a bit for a while and we started up prayer together again. But you made me realize how awesome it would be now that we are closer, praying, and reading that book together again.

    It is a really good book.
     
  11. k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe

    k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe Senior Member

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    Seconded.
     
  12. Windmill

    Windmill Legend Supporter

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    I personally wouldn't get engaged before 2 years of dating them. Then there would be a significant period of time between the engagement and the wedding- maybe at least 9 months?

    This is at the least.

    Marrying me doesn't come easy! :D
     
  13. Bootstrap

    Bootstrap Regular Member

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    This makes a *lot* of sense to me. My parents used the same rule. And I know my girlfriend and I know each other a lot better now than we did two or three years ago.

    Personally, I want premarital counseling before we would get engaged, but short engagements make sense to me. Once you've decided to get married, why wait so long?

    Good for you! (But I'd rather not marry an 18 year old anyway ;-> )

    Jonathan
     
  14. GQ Chris

    GQ Chris Beer and Glory

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    my biggest criterias are solid spiritual life, emotional readiness, maturity, life experience, financial independance.
     
  15. Luther073082

    Luther073082 κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

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    Stastically speaking people who wait more then 3 years of dating to get married are more likely to be divorced then people who met and got married the next day. Of course that is only when there is no realistic reason why they are not married sooner. (If they where waiting around for financial reasons then this study doesn't cover them). The ideal time statistically is actually 1 to 3 years.

    I think you would be sure a lot sooner then 2 years. And if in that time you arn't sure then odds are this isn't the person for you.

    BTW my parents engaged 72 hours after meeting with ring on finger. Married 28 years this comming April.

    Personally I think you should be ready financially.

    Because of maturity aspects I really wouldn't recommend anyone under 20 getting married except in extreme circumstances. The main reason is because I would venture to say MOST people change a lot between 18 and 21. I certainly did a lot.

    Also consider this at 18 one has barely just become an adult and "responsible for themselves". Some time should be given to this whole time of being responsible for yourself before you take on the task of being responsible for another person.

    IMO Asking an 18 y/o to live in a marriage is like asking a 16 y/o kid who's driver's license is hot off the presses to go drive a school bus. There is just so much they need to experience in driving (life) before they can take on the bus (marriage) and do a good job with it.
     
  16. Bootstrap

    Bootstrap Regular Member

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    Could you say more? As someone who reads studies, I often find it difficult to have any idea what a study actually says just by reading news reports.

    That's a rather dogmatic statement.

    I'm glad that worked for them. I would not suggest this for most people, though.


    I agree. And I think "getting established as an adult" is a good step to take before getting married.

    Jonathan
     
  17. Windmill

    Windmill Legend Supporter

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    I suppose for me, there is no rush, I am a special case, don't go off of me as practise that anyone should follow ^_^

    But logically, I suppose you see after I get engaged, I'd like to have a period to see how I like being treated as such-and-such's wife (to be) and give me time to have the reality of it settle in, which would then show if I was going to freak out or not, of which there is a high possiblity :p

    I'm guessing with marriage, you know when you're ready when a marriage is viable (e.g. financially) and when you just know you could spend the rest of your life with them.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2009
  18. Windmill

    Windmill Legend Supporter

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    Studies mean nothing, honestly :D I'd never define my life based off studies.

    Its not the fact they dated for 3 years, that much is nuetral. Its because of something else within their relationship which probably results in them dating for 3 years which will cause their ultimate divorce.

    I'd entirely disagree! :) I know myself. I also know that 2 years lets the honey-moon period evaporate. 2 years gives you both a better idea of where you're going, what you want, and gives you a better idea on how the marriage would fit into your life. It stops you from acting on impulse and on actual love.

    I don't mean to sound mean but why did you tell us this? This doesn't prove that short dating periods result in happy marriages.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2009
  19. waxlion10

    waxlion10 Just shut up and be delicious- Dwight

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    I have been dating someone for three years, and for me personally, I agree with Windmill about letting the honeymoon period wear off! While both of us knew from the beginning we would probably be compatible for marriage, dating for such a long time has given us opportunities to go through a LOT of things and discuss a LOT of issues, pre-marriage, that some of our married friends are going through/discussing post-marriage :(

    This is, obviously, not the case for every couple, but the original question was "when are you ready to get engaged? married?" so I'm answering for myself.

    I'll be ready to get engaged when my bf and I decide if/when/where we're going to grad school.

    I'll be ready to get married when he is done with grad school.
     
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