How do you know when you're ready to get engaged? married?
How do you know when it's too soon?
Jonathan
How do you know when it's too soon?
Jonathan
Subscribing.
For engagement I would say after at least six months of dating or knowing each other. If you haven't even known each other for six months that's too soon, in my opinion.
Before you get engaged the two of you should have done some talking about marriage, too, obviously. Hopefully quite a bit of talking about it. I think it would be smarter to talk extensively about marriage and the possible issues that can come up way before investing in ring or before you start planning a wedding.
And it should be when you are both feeling very sure that you want to marry each other. (You ever see people who seem more excited about the idea of getting married than they are excited about the person they are marrying?)
For marriage I would say when you can handle it financially, emotionally, etc.
Not everything has to be perfect first... if people waited for all their ducks to be in a row and for everything to be perfect then no one would ever get married. But obviously there are some things it would be smart to wait and have in order before marriage... like a place to live for example.
But if they're willing to pledge themselves to the Lord and each other knowing full well they'll face difficult times together (for better or for worse) and desire to stand by one another in the midst of these hardships, then my opinion is they are pretty well prepared.
However, if a person simply thinks idealistically about marriage (as in, they only ever think of the wedding or the honeymoon but never beyond that...never beyond the "pretty scenes" in a marriage) then they need to hold off.
My boyfriend and I started that book and our committment faded from it a bit for a while and we started up prayer together again. But you made me realize how awesome it would be now that we are closer, praying, and reading that book together again.I'm reading the book "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris right now; it's a book about courting. Some guidelines the book gave about knowing when you're ready to court are that if you're doing it because it's godly and right and with lots of wisdom, not out of impatience. That's kind of vague, but basically you just need to be in a lot of prayer about it and be pursuing a wife for the right reasons, because it will help you to serve God better. If you're pursuing a wife simply out of an impatient desire to be married or for sexual reasons then you aren't ready to be a godly husband. It's not wrong to desire marriage but you need to be sure that your motives are pure.
I'm not an expert or anything but that's what I got out of the book so far. I actually really recommend it; it's great for answering a lot of questions in that area.
I'm not sure, I think each persons maturity plays into it in a big way. Some people get married relatively soon cause they not only know they are in love, but they grasp the whole concept of marriage. They're not just thinking of the short term, but they're looking years and years down the road and considering the fact that there will be hardships and rough patches along the way - that's just the reality of it. But if they're willing to pledge themselves to the Lord and each other knowing full well they'll face difficult times together (for better or for worse) and desire to stand by one another in the midst of these hardships, then my opinion is they are pretty well prepared.
However, if a person simply thinks idealistically about marriage (as in, they only ever think of the wedding or the honeymoon but never beyond that...never beyond the "pretty scenes" in a marriage) then they need to hold off.
That's just my opinion, and my thoughts are still processing on the question somewhat, hehe.
I personally wouldn't get engaged before 2 years of dating them.
Then there would be a significant period of time between the engagement and the wedding- maybe at least 9 months?
Marrying me doesn't come easy!
I personally wouldn't get engaged before 2 years of dating them. Then there would be a significant period of time between the engagement and the wedding- maybe at least 9 months?
This is at the least.
Marrying me doesn't come easy!
Stastically speaking people who wait more then 3 years of dating to get married are more likely to be divorced then people who met and got married the next day. Of course that is only when there is no realistic reason why they are not married sooner. (If they where waiting around for financial reasons then this study doesn't cover them). The ideal time statistically is actually 1 to 3 years.
I think you would be sure a lot sooner then 2 years. And if in that time you arn't sure then odds are this isn't the person for you.
BTW my parents engaged 72 hours after meeting with ring on finger. Married 28 years this comming April.
Because of maturity aspects I really wouldn't recommend anyone under 20 getting married except in extreme circumstances. The main reason is because I would venture to say MOST people change a lot between 18 and 21. I certainly did a lot.
Also consider this at 18 one has barely just become an adult and "responsible for themselves". Some time should be given to this whole time of being responsible for yourself before you take on the task of being responsible for another person.
IMO Asking an 18 y/o to live in a marriage is like asking a 16 y/o kid who's driver's license is hot off the presses to go drive a school bus. There is just so much they need to experience in driving (life) before they can take on the bus (marriage) and do a good job with it.
I suppose for me, there is no rush, I am a special case, don't go off of me as practise that anyone should followThis makes a *lot* of sense to me. My parents used the same rule. And I know my girlfriend and I know each other a lot better now than we did two or three years ago.
Personally, I want premarital counseling before we would get engaged, but short engagements make sense to me. Once you've decided to get married, why wait so long?
Good for you! (But I'd rather not marry an 18 year old anyway ;-> )
Jonathan
Studies mean nothing, honestly I'd never define my life based off studies.Stastically speaking people who wait more then 3 years of dating to get married are more likely to be divorced then people who met and got married the next day. Of course that is only when there is no realistic reason why they are not married sooner. (If they where waiting around for financial reasons then this study doesn't cover them). The ideal time statistically is actually 1 to 3 years.
I'd entirely disagree! I know myself. I also know that 2 years lets the honey-moon period evaporate. 2 years gives you both a better idea of where you're going, what you want, and gives you a better idea on how the marriage would fit into your life. It stops you from acting on impulse and on actual love.I think you would be sure a lot sooner then 2 years. And if in that time you arn't sure then odds are this isn't the person for you.
I don't mean to sound mean but why did you tell us this? This doesn't prove that short dating periods result in happy marriages.BTW my parents engaged 72 hours after meeting with ring on finger. Married 28 years this comming April.