What would you do in this situation..?

[ianb321red]

I found about this story a couple of days ago (from a close friend):

A girl starting dating a muslim guy less than 3 months ago. The girl is white british and approx. 25 years old.
She's already given him access to her financials i.e. bank account etc.
Her upbringing is in a non-religious UK family.

Last week she announced to her parents that she was converting to Islam. She is going to wear a burka and devote herself to her new religion.
As a result she is completely renouncing her parents; disowning them from this point onwards - never ever wanting to see or speak to them again.
Furthermore she claims they brought her up to be "a slag".

Her parents with no understanding of anything religious are quite obviously completely devastated!

What would you do? What is the best advice you can offer in a situation like this?

 

[tonybeer]

That's terrible, I'm really sorry to hear that. Just a quick google found this How to help loved ones caught in a cult or fringe group - CCGM Tract

It talks about how to deal with a cult/extreme religious group doing the same thing. The advice seems to suggest quite a few things not to do, as there is a lot that will just push the girl further and further away.

Thankfully I've never had to deal with anything like this.

 

[Hexa]

Thought Islam was ment to be a religion of peace and love....

 

[King Mob]

Thought Islam was ment to be a religion of peace and love....

Where are you looking/reading which states otherwise?

 

[Danny777]

This is terrible...one of the worst nightmares for parents of a daughter...

Guess its vital to demonstrate unreserved love and remind her that the door is ALWAYS open for her if (and hopefully when) she see realizes she has made a mistake. Fighting against this situation will probably make things worse. I suppose they should try not to appear too judgmental as she is 25 yrs old and capable of making her own decisions.

The hope would be that she will come to her senses at some point, but will be very messy for her to pull out of that situation.

Biggest job for parents is to try and make sure there are no additional barriers created in process that make coming back home more difficult than it already will be.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I found about this story a couple of days ago (from a close friend):

A girl starting dating a muslim guy less than 3 months ago. The girl is white british and approx. 25 years old.
She's already given him access to her financials i.e. bank account etc.
Her upbringing is in a non-religious UK family.

Last week she announced to her parents that she was converting to Islam. She is going to wear a burka and devote herself to her new religion.
As a result she is completely renouncing her parents; disowning them from this point onwards - never ever wanting to see or speak to them again.
Furthermore she claims they brought her up to be "a slag".

Her parents with no understanding of anything religious are quite obviously completely devastated!

What would you do? What is the best advice you can offer in a situation like this?

To the parents - offer them love and support. The type of Islam that my spouse practiced had something to the effect that it was haraam (forbidden) for the the revert (convert) to hang out with non believers (Kaafirs). It sounds as though this may have been taken to the nth degree and the girl has been advised that this includes her family. I know I had a tough time getting HRH out to see my family and we did reduce the occasions when I went to my in-laws. I still made sure that I visited my family though purely to preserve my own sanity tbh.

I know of a woman from up north originally and she converted when she met and married her husband. Initially she didn't have anything to do with her parents too but when the kids came along and she realised that there was still discrimination within the community that she had joined (in spite of her being a "good Muslimah") she did contact her parents and they now help out with the grand-kids. They didn't like her because she was white and some of the moms even told her to her face. So all in good time I guess. This friend admitted that she so badly wanted to be a good Muslim that she did everything to the letter, but now she is more chilled about it all.

 

[vespasia]

Oooh. In honesty it sounds like a more extreme form than most. Problem is she is in love and does not have a clue about the divesrity and variety of muslims and attitudes in the UK. The muslim community is just as diverse as the Christian.

A Burka would be pretty restricting - think the garb worn in Afganistan during the rule of the Taliban. The Hijab and even its part face covering its form are worn by woman who are confident in their faith and themselves. It reads as if the man is possibly controlling or the girl is trying to shock her parents.

In this situation a good Imman who has a genuine love of people as well as his understanding of God could be very helpful in two ways. Firstly they could introduce her to some of the better woman's qu'ran study groups. [Take it from me such groups are as lively, sharing and caring as Christian woman bible study groups.] This could help her begin to see how warped out what she is being taught really is. Woman are not expected to share their money let alone their own bank accounts with anyone OTHER than their husband and if they choose to do so it is considered one of the five pillars of Islam and an act of Charity to the husband that is Sharia. The husband is to support the wife. Under UK law she would not have the rights of a wife unless they are legally married.

Secondly a good Imman would be able to act as a mediator explaining to both sides and encouraging the daughter to continue to dialogue rather than exclude her parents from her life.
This is a group I know of to the point I have spoken with some of its members on both sides. It is a group where Christians and Muslims meet to talk with each other. They do not always agree but they do try and listen to each other and share ideas on how to help communties to cope with each other. They may be able to help you locate more local support from well educated caring Imman who has an understanding of both Christian concerns and also western culture its good as well as its nasty bits.

Sparkbrook Muslim-Christian Dialogue Group

 

[ianb321red]

Thanks to all for the supportive advice given.

I am going to summarise as best as I can and send an email to my friend later this week.

 

[lismore]

Thanks to all for the supportive advice given.

I am going to summarise as best as I can and send an email to my friend later this week.

Some muslims look on Moses as a prophet:

Exodus 20: 12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you"

Disowning the parents is not honouring them.

 

[Oafman]

Ask her friends to talk to her too

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Thanks to all for the supportive advice given.

I am going to summarise as best as I can and send an email to my friend later this week.

Might be worth your friend establishing if the girl has converted into a salafi/wahabbi sect as this was the body that my Muslim friends reckoned influenced my spouse and they can be extreme in their views.

 

[ramdas goochta]

A girl starting dating a muslim guy less than 3 months ago. The girl is white british and approx. 25 years old.

Islam is being a very horrible religin in very many parts of the world. In the New York towers and being the London under ground. And the woams in Islamd are being treated in very badly. The girl will being in time aware of the horrible parts of the Islam and will be leaving it.

Wait and time will bring her back to home and family.

 

[apocalypto]

25 years old.

Does she have a history of mental imbalance?

 

[SithDoughnut]

What would you do? What is the best advice you can offer in a situation like this?

It is a common occurrence that new converts to a religion tend to immediately gravitate towards a more extreme attachment, and mellow out as time goes on. This is not unique to Islam, I know of a few people (anecdotes aren't evidence of anything, I know), of people who converted to Christianity and made an extreme shift to the point that one of them also broke off contact with her "sinful" family for some time. In the end, it is her choice, and nothing can or should be done to force her to change her religious beliefs. All her parents can do is continue being her parents, and hope that she follows the common route of becoming less extreme as time goes on.

 

[All Englands Skies]

It is a common occurrence that new converts to a religion tend to immediately gravitate towards a more extreme attachment, and mellow out as time goes on. This is not unique to Islam, I know of a few people (anecdotes aren't evidence of anything, I know), of people who converted to Christianity and made an extreme shift to the point that one of them also broke off contact with her "sinful" family for some time. In the end, it is her choice, and nothing can or should be done to force her to change her religious beliefs. All her parents can do is continue being her parents, and hope that she follows the common route of becoming less extreme as time goes on.

But when modern Christians go "extreme" its pretty tame compaired to Muslim standards.

In alot of ways "moderate" muslims have views more extreme than "Extremist Christians"

 

[All Englands Skies]

This is terrible...one of the worst nightmares for parents of a daughter...

Guess its vital to demonstrate unreserved love and remind her that the door is ALWAYS open for her if (and hopefully when) she see realizes she has made a mistake. Fighting against this situation will probably make things worse. I suppose they should try not to appear too judgmental as she is 25 yrs old and capable of making her own decisions.

The hope would be that she will come to her senses at some point, but will be very messy for her to pull out of that situation.

Biggest job for parents is to try and make sure there are no additional barriers created in process that make coming back home more difficult than it already will be.

The reason we westerners are such a breeding ground for converts to Islam to go nuts and extreme is because we're soft, this "doors always open" lark.

Now if a Muslim converted to Christianity there family would slate, condemn them and disown them at least, while cause them harm in the worst cases.

If i had a daughter who converted to Islam, I'd tell her shes following the trickery of the Devil (after all that is what Islam is, its a crucifiction denying opposite to Christianity) then cut contact myself aswell as her cutting contact, only talking to her again once she returns to the truth of Christ.

or course, this girls family arent religeous, so they'd lack this attitude, but then again, most Christians are just as soft.

Also why is Islam a breeding ground for fast-track nutcase extremists?

I have yet to notice the same level in Christianity, Hinduism, buddhism and even in non-religion and atheistic views, its just islam thats lost the plot far more than any others.

 

[SithDoughnut]

But when modern Christians go "extreme" its pretty tame compaired to Muslim standards.

Not particularly. By "extreme", I didn't mean suicide-bomber-kill-everyone extreme, just very firm and to the letter. The girl is unlikely to go and blow herself up.

 

[tonybeer]

The reason we westerners are such a breeding ground for converts to Islam to go nuts and extreme is because we're soft, this "doors always open" lark.

Now if a Muslim converted to Christianity there family would slate, condemn them and disown them at least, while cause them harm in the worst cases.

If i had a daughter who converted to Islam, I'd tell her shes following the trickery of the Devil (after all that is what Islam is, its a crucifiction denying opposite to Christianity) then cut contact myself aswell as her cutting contact, only talking to her again once she returns to the truth of Christ.

or course, this girls family arent religeous, so they'd lack this attitude, but then again, most Christians are just as soft.

Also why is Islam a breeding ground for fast-track nutcase extremists?

I have yet to notice the same level in Christianity, Hinduism, buddhism and even in non-religion and atheistic views, its just islam thats lost the plot far more than any others.

Part of the problem is that the idea that Muslims are all extremists is very media friendly so that any "nutcase" Muslim finds it very easy to get into the papers. This isn't limited to Muslims. Any nutcase is a prime target for the media. E.g. There is a popular daytime TV show chat show that I've read screens possible participents by selecting those that take medication for mild mental illness as this will make the best TV.

Take the small Muslim group who said that they'd protest at soldiers funerals. They became instant media "hits" as it was such a unique story that was guaranteed to both get people angry and sell papers. However it doesn't really represent the majority.

In the same was I'm sure you don't associate yourself as a fellow Christian with the Westboro Baptists who also protest at soldiers funerals and are also Christians.

There have been plenty of non Muslim terrorist acts. Anders Breivik described himself as a "Christian Crusader". (I realise he wouldn't be described as a traditional Christian applying the correct interpretation of the Faith, however neither would you describe a terrorist bomber as a typical Muslim applying the Muslim Faith).

I think in Muslim countries there is a jealousy of the greater freedoms, power and wealth of the West which leads to anger. I'm not sure this is just linked to Muslim countries however.

Not that I'm in favour of Islam in any way, and would favour a secular world. I just wouldn't want a large group of people to be categorised as the same as the most extreme individuals in that particular group.

 

[All Englands Skies]

Not particularly. By "extreme", I didn't mean suicide-bomber-kill-everyone extreme, just very firm and to the letter. The girl is unlikely to go and blow herself up.

Even based on views, the same rule of thumb applies.

whats deemed "moderate" views in Islam would be deemed "fundementalist" if Christian with views on the same level.

 

[Oafman]

Anders Beiring Breivik is a Christian extremist. Everyone's poop stinks, not just that of Islam.