- Feb 24, 2018
- 100
- 92
- 29
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
Hi all, feel free toremove if in the wrong spot.
Four years ago on the 14th, my grandmother, whom I loved very much, passed away. She also died in a time when I was away from God and I lament not being a better witness to her while she was alive. My mother's best friend, who has been my mom's friend since they were very young and who knew my grandmother all her life and is herself a professing Christian seems to believe that she was, and I know some things about my grandmother that give me hope that she might be....
When my mom was a little girl, their family attended a Lutheran Church near where they lived every single Sunday until my grandfather was moved to working night shift. They stopped going after that because with the number of children in the family, it was too difficult for my grandmother to get herself and all of the kids ready for church without my grandfather being able to help, and I also know that while they were going there, my grandmother taught Sunday school and was baptized, though it was through sprinkling as opposed to immersion. My mother's friend also states that she became "disillusioned" with church as she and my mom got older, but what she meant by that, I don't know. But, from my own experience, I also know that going to church and doing all of those things doesn't necessarily mean a person is saved, especially since my grandmother didn't really show much of it as I got older...I do however, have things that tell me God was definitely drawing her to Himself...
My grandma at times would watch sermons on TV (yes, I do understand that some of them teach ilk) and at one point in time, a cousin of my mother's who is a very devout believer sent my grandmother a letter concerning faith based things, which my grandmother said "really affected her" in a way that I could tell was positive and joyful. My own beginnings as a Believer were difficult and very traumatic (I was sucked into a cult that spiritually and psychologically abused and manipulated me for two years and drove me nearly committing suicide) and after my grandmother passed away, I also found a notebook where she'd written things down about what I was going through during that time, things I'd been dealing with that she'd been looking into out of love and concern for me (one note she'd made was about "religious trauma syndrome"). Additionally, the way she died gives me some degree of hope that God gave her one last chance to repent before she passed...
My grandmother died in the hospital in a way that was very traumatic...she'd coded due to a medical error and after an hour of having resuscitation methods applied to her, was revived and lived for several hours afterward. Each of us in my family had a chance to say goodbye to her individually and when it was my turn, I stood at her bedside, told her how much I loved her, that I was sorry for anything I'd done that may have hurt her in my life and that ididnt want to get to Heaven and have her not be there with me, begging her that if she didn't know Jesus, to call on Him then and there..
The doctors had given her medication to make her comfortable which also made her thrash around a little bit....but when I was speaking to her, it was like her body went still and even though I'm not sure if she knew what was going on as I did, it was almost like she "sat up" in bed and looked at me....the corner of her mouth went up a little as if she was trying to smile at me and she was like that the entire time I was talking to her. I held her hand as she passed from this life into eternity and prayed the whole time that God would save her and take her home to be with Him...
It's foyr years later and I've recently started a journey back to God after being away from Him since about 2016-ish, and I wonder about where my grandma went all the time. I know the Bible says not everyone goes to Heaven and many more will be in hell than with Jesus, and I hate the thought of my grandmother being one who didn't make it. I also hurt because I feel like if I'd been a better witness to her, then she would have professed faith in a way that I could be sure of...I pray to God a lot to tell me whether or not she's with Him, but can't get a straight answer...sometimes I believe and have peace that she is, but I know it could also just be me telling myself what I want to hear...also, I have had God "speak" to me about whether or not she could be and about my witness to her, once impressing the idea on my heart that "how did I know that something I said or did when I was really walking closely with God (after I left the cult and got into a good, Bible believing church) didn't reach her heart somehow?" I know it's not much, but it's comforting.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to at least vent this. If it's too much, feel free to remove...
Four years ago on the 14th, my grandmother, whom I loved very much, passed away. She also died in a time when I was away from God and I lament not being a better witness to her while she was alive. My mother's best friend, who has been my mom's friend since they were very young and who knew my grandmother all her life and is herself a professing Christian seems to believe that she was, and I know some things about my grandmother that give me hope that she might be....
When my mom was a little girl, their family attended a Lutheran Church near where they lived every single Sunday until my grandfather was moved to working night shift. They stopped going after that because with the number of children in the family, it was too difficult for my grandmother to get herself and all of the kids ready for church without my grandfather being able to help, and I also know that while they were going there, my grandmother taught Sunday school and was baptized, though it was through sprinkling as opposed to immersion. My mother's friend also states that she became "disillusioned" with church as she and my mom got older, but what she meant by that, I don't know. But, from my own experience, I also know that going to church and doing all of those things doesn't necessarily mean a person is saved, especially since my grandmother didn't really show much of it as I got older...I do however, have things that tell me God was definitely drawing her to Himself...
My grandma at times would watch sermons on TV (yes, I do understand that some of them teach ilk) and at one point in time, a cousin of my mother's who is a very devout believer sent my grandmother a letter concerning faith based things, which my grandmother said "really affected her" in a way that I could tell was positive and joyful. My own beginnings as a Believer were difficult and very traumatic (I was sucked into a cult that spiritually and psychologically abused and manipulated me for two years and drove me nearly committing suicide) and after my grandmother passed away, I also found a notebook where she'd written things down about what I was going through during that time, things I'd been dealing with that she'd been looking into out of love and concern for me (one note she'd made was about "religious trauma syndrome"). Additionally, the way she died gives me some degree of hope that God gave her one last chance to repent before she passed...
My grandmother died in the hospital in a way that was very traumatic...she'd coded due to a medical error and after an hour of having resuscitation methods applied to her, was revived and lived for several hours afterward. Each of us in my family had a chance to say goodbye to her individually and when it was my turn, I stood at her bedside, told her how much I loved her, that I was sorry for anything I'd done that may have hurt her in my life and that ididnt want to get to Heaven and have her not be there with me, begging her that if she didn't know Jesus, to call on Him then and there..
The doctors had given her medication to make her comfortable which also made her thrash around a little bit....but when I was speaking to her, it was like her body went still and even though I'm not sure if she knew what was going on as I did, it was almost like she "sat up" in bed and looked at me....the corner of her mouth went up a little as if she was trying to smile at me and she was like that the entire time I was talking to her. I held her hand as she passed from this life into eternity and prayed the whole time that God would save her and take her home to be with Him...
It's foyr years later and I've recently started a journey back to God after being away from Him since about 2016-ish, and I wonder about where my grandma went all the time. I know the Bible says not everyone goes to Heaven and many more will be in hell than with Jesus, and I hate the thought of my grandmother being one who didn't make it. I also hurt because I feel like if I'd been a better witness to her, then she would have professed faith in a way that I could be sure of...I pray to God a lot to tell me whether or not she's with Him, but can't get a straight answer...sometimes I believe and have peace that she is, but I know it could also just be me telling myself what I want to hear...also, I have had God "speak" to me about whether or not she could be and about my witness to her, once impressing the idea on my heart that "how did I know that something I said or did when I was really walking closely with God (after I left the cult and got into a good, Bible believing church) didn't reach her heart somehow?" I know it's not much, but it's comforting.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to at least vent this. If it's too much, feel free to remove...
