What Have You Learned?

[BRISH]

I like the not putting each other down in public one. .

This is one of my pet peeves when I see it. It's one thing to lose your cool at home. To do this to them in public is traumatizing to the relationship. Even if its true, you just don't do this. Even when I was going through my divorce, I wouldn't do it. Someone tried once to engage me in an insult infront of my then husband, and I told that person no. When I see someone do this to their spouse, it says nothing about their spouse yet everything about themselves. It only makes you look bad ontop of hurting your wife/husband.

I think a big one for me is not to berate or talk negatively to one another.
So if there's a disagreement, it needs to be dealt with with a cool head and in terms of "I". "I think.." and "I feel like...". No dragging up the past to use as a weapon.

You know, I think we're all better off in a relationship when we realize that it's not like the movies. It's not hunky dory all the time. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with each other. Some get soo bent out of shape if the other doesn't agree with them. We can disagree. It's healthy actually. That's not the problem. Like you said right there, it's about how you approach it.



Another thing, there should be nothing decided or going on in the home/relationship that is not known by both parties. All decisions need to be a joint effort. It's not about controll. Its about having accountability. It's about showing each other respect and acknowledgment. (And when a decision goes sour, one side can't say "this was all you". )

 

[Hadassah_]

Another thing, there should be nothing decided or going on in the home/relationship that is not known by both parties. All decisions need to be a joint effort. It's not about controll. Its about having accountability. It's about showing each other respect and acknowledgment. (And when a decision goes sour, one side can't say "this was all you". )

I like this. I have friends who won't make plans or buy things (bigger things like clothes and shoes and big toys for the kids) without consulting with their husbands, and the husbands do the same. Some call them whipped but I just think it's respectful.

 

[Amber.ly]

I like this. I have friends who won't make plans or buy things (bigger things like clothes and shoes and big toys for the kids) without consulting with their husbands, and the husbands do the same. Some call them whipped but I just think it's respectful.

That reminds me of this picture:

 

[Keri]

I like this. I have friends who won't make plans or buy things (bigger things like clothes and shoes and big toys for the kids) without consulting with their husbands, and the husbands do the same. Some call them whipped but I just think it's respectful.

I could see that if it were a more expensive($100+) or luxury clothing item, but necessities, I don't see the point in calling my SO and saying, "I'm going to buy some socks."

 

[Hadassah_]

I could see that if it were a more expensive($100+) or luxury clothing item, but necessities, I don't see the point in calling my SO and saying, "I'm going to buy some socks."

Well that's why I said the bigger clothing items and shoes. I don't think I would for socks either. but there may be some couples who do...it just depends on what works for each couple.

 

[Rhye]

Also, one thing I see with my parents and my closets friend and her marriage, is that...

1. Talk about money from the beginning and respect the money you earn together. Have a budget, talk through it even if the conversation is very difficult. And don't have secret accounts.....

2. Talk about wanting to have children or not from the start. Usually, people think they are going to change another persons mind when they get married but it doesn't happen or it take a lot of fighting and/or distance from each other because of wanting two different things.

3. Don't deny physical intimacy.

 

[Keri]

Well that's why I said the bigger clothing items and shoes. I don't think I would for socks either. but there may be some couples who do...it just depends on what works for each couple.

Oh, I read it as "bigger items like clothes" not bigger clothing items. Sorry.

 

[Hadassah_]

Oh, I read it as "bigger items like clothes" not bigger clothing items. Sorry.

Meh...I probably wrote it wrong. I do that. *shrug*