what do you do when you've been decieved.

[Jesae]

well i just found out that someone i have strong feelings for is not the same person i thought she was. im actually more hurt than mad, but its just that i thought that i knew this person but in all actually i dont.
And now i dont know what to do. Im supposed to go home (CALI) on the 28 for some leave (R&R) after a nine month deployment to the middle east. All this time i was hoping to see her again but i just dont know. and what makes it worse is that i promised her that on her birthday id take her out.

what would you do?????

 

[LifeInYou]

Well, I'm guessing you promised to take her out for her birthday on the assumption that what she was saying was true to you. So, since that premise has been violated...you can violate what you've told her you would do if you choose to, IMO.

Welcome back by the way.

 

[ZiSunka]

well i just found out that someone i have strong feelings for is not the same person i thought she was. im actually more hurt than mad, but its just that i thought that i knew this person but in all actually i dont.
And now i dont know what to do. Im supposed to go home (CALI) on the 28 for some leave (R&R) after a nine month deployment to the middle east. All this time i was hoping to see her again but i just dont know. and what makes it worse is that i promised her that on her birthday id take her out.

what would you do?????

Hey, it's much much better to know who she really is than to keep believing a lie about her. Consider it a big blessing from God and be thankful that you dodge a bullet by finding out before it was too late.

God must really love you to expose this girl's lies to you. Get down and be thankful for His intervention.

And don't take her out for her birthday. It's too much temptation, given your feelings for her. She might find a way to entrap your heart again.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

You're not being too discriptive about what she did, or what she lied about. If she's decieved you in the true sense of the word, I'd cut her off. You have strong feelings for who you thought she was, not who she is. I this case, if you stayed with her you would be holding out for the triumph of hope over reality, and you need to live in the real world.

But this all depends on what she did that was deceptive. If she said Coke and gave you Pepsi, you should forgive her. If she lied about who she is to lead you down a certain path, get off the path. You've got a free pass to start over.

 

[DaveKerwin]

talk to her, maybe share your thoughts with her that you shared here.

 

[Stanfi]

I was in a similar situation as you just recently. Perhaps you should just talk to her. There may just be some misunderstaning between the two of you, and she may not realize what she has done to you. If she has in fact deceived you, and the two of you cannot reach a common ground, then you need to forgive her. Granted this is often not very easy, and can often take some time and effort, but it needs to be done as soon as possible. I believe this is the first step in healing the pain, and being able to move on with your life. Many times things do not make sense in our life, but we just have to trust in God, and believe that he does know what is best for us. In my case talking to the girl did help, as it helped me to understand the reason she did the things to me that she did. I did have to forgive, which was not easy, but it helped me. Unfortuantley, she had moved to someone else in her life, so now I just have to trust in God and see what he has in store for me. I too had strong feelings for the girl in my situation, and things did not make sense to me, but like I said, I have to learn to trust God more every day.

 

[AdoptedByGrace]

well i just found out that someone i have strong feelings for is not the same person i thought she was. im actually more hurt than mad, but its just that i thought that i knew this person but in all actually i dont.
And now i dont know what to do. Im supposed to go home (CALI) on the 28 for some leave (R&R) after a nine month deployment to the middle east. All this time i was hoping to see her again but i just dont know. and what makes it worse is that i promised her that on her birthday id take her out.

what would you do?????

Boy, have you ever struck a nerve here, Jesae! I had zero exoerience with women after I had graduated from college, (UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-MILWAUKEE, CLASS OF DECEMBER '79!) This was because I became a Believer after high school, back in 1973! Anyway: in my first job after the one & only job I had in my Major-(BACHELOR OF FINE ARTS-TECHNICAL THEATRE), I met a girl, & when I told her that I had zero experience with women,, she used me like you wouldn't believe! She kept promising me sex, but never had any intention of fufilling this! When she dumped me, I was devistated! It was this that lead to my backslidding for all those years before I finally came back to the Lord on 1/11/03! It also lead to my hatred of women, & God as well, because I blamed Him for causing me to become a believer & denying me the chance to find out what sex was all about! Well: Praise God that I HAVE come back to the Lord-that's the main thing! Anyway-I don't have time to worry about finding a woman right now-I'm too busy with my ministerial studies! That is way more important right now! When the time comes, (or perhaps I should say IF), I know that God will find her! In the meantime-all I am interested in is following the leading of My Savior!

ABG

 

[desi]

well i just found out that someone i have strong feelings for is not the same person i thought she was. im actually more hurt than mad, but its just that i thought that i knew this person but in all actually i dont.
And now i dont know what to do. Im supposed to go home (CALI) on the 28 for some leave (R&R) after a nine month deployment to the middle east. All this time i was hoping to see her again but i just dont know. and what makes it worse is that i promised her that on her birthday id take her out.

what would you do?????

It depends on what happened and how she deceived you. If she is a he I would take a long cold shower. If she made a mistake because you were gone for so long overseas you might want to talk it out and see if its worth working out. If she is married to someone else stay away/apologize to the guy and make it clear you had no idea. If I didn't cover your situation run it by us or pm me and I'll give you my take on it.