What are your thoughts on this dilemma?

[eiafykc]

The church counsellor came to me very frustrated. She is home with her kids but volunteers a few hours a week to keep her skills up. She has a contract, the church has requirements she has to meet and in turn, agrees to be supportive. She is not, however, 'staff'. There is a staff retreat coming up tomorrow and she didn't get invited. She isn't staff, she understands that, but the person who tidies the shelves in the library for four hours a week is invited - as is her husband, and some other people who are not staff. She feels she should have been invited so she could get encouragement and support too. She is not included in any meetings or prayer meetings, etc. She does have a very stressful role in many ways and receives little support from the church although they do highly value what she does. She is thinking of going somewhere else where she will have more support. Do you think I should mention something to the pastor so he might consider her position and increasing the level of personal support and encouragement she receives? I think she should have been invited to the retreat as even though she isn't staff, she is, if you know what I mean and she contributes so much.

 

[Macca]

The church counsellor came to me very frustrated. She is home with her kids but volunteers a few hours a week to keep her skills up. She has a contract, the church has requirements she has to meet and in turn, agrees to be supportive. She is not, however, 'staff'. There is a staff retreat coming up tomorrow and she didn't get invited. She isn't staff, she understands that, but the person who tidies the shelves in the library for four hours a week is invited - as is her husband, and some other people who are not staff. She feels she should have been invited so she could get encouragement and support too. She is not included in any meetings or prayer meetings, etc. She does have a very stressful role in many ways and receives little support from the church although they do highly value what she does. She is thinking of going somewhere else where she will have more support. Do you think I should mention something to the pastor so he might consider her position and increasing the level of personal support and encouragement she receives? I think she should have been invited to the retreat as even though she isn't staff, she is, if you know what I mean and she contributes so much.

I believe it is her option to mention it to the pastor.
You may be told to mind your own business, and make it worse for her.

 

[Elijah2]

The church counsellor came to me very frustrated. She is home with her kids but volunteers a few hours a week to keep her skills up. She has a contract, the church has requirements she has to meet and in turn, agrees to be supportive. She is not, however, 'staff'. There is a staff retreat coming up tomorrow and she didn't get invited. She isn't staff, she understands that, but the person who tidies the shelves in the library for four hours a week is invited - as is her husband, and some other people who are not staff. She feels she should have been invited so she could get encouragement and support too. She is not included in any meetings or prayer meetings, etc. She does have a very stressful role in many ways and receives little support from the church although they do highly value what she does. She is thinking of going somewhere else where she will have more support. Do you think I should mention something to the pastor so he might consider her position and increasing the level of personal support and encouragement she receives? I think she should have been invited to the retreat as even though she isn't staff, she is, if you know what I mean and she contributes so much.

Well, it appears that your church is a bit of a clique. And to not invite such a valuable person like your friend in incomprehensive.

But, your friend is the one who make decisions and choices in her life.

Maybe, this happened by the leading of the Holy Spirit so that your friend now knows that its time to move on.

Your friend should know that if she is a counsellor.

Best not get involved, but at least speak to you friend and advise her that she should speak up, and front the pastor, and let him know how much he offended her.

Never let the sun set on anger, offence or bitterness.

Your friend needs to stand up and be counted.

 

[madison1101]

As a counselor, your friend should have been taught assertive communication skills, and should be the one to mention to the church leadership her feelings about this problem. It could be an oversight, and it could be time for her to move on.

 

[Solidlyhere]

The OP asks: "Do you think I should mention something to the pastor?"

As opposed to what?

1) She is angry at being snubbed;
2) She dumps it on you;
3) You dump it on us;
4) Yet, she is the Church's counselor?

If she says nothing to the the Pastor, then she is telling him: I didn't want to go to the Staff Retreat.

So, why wouldn't she want to talk to the Pastor?
Isn't THAT what the Pastor is for?

This sounds like a "fake" OP.
The person is supposedly the Church Counselor, a person who is there to tell people how to take care of themselves, but SHE is the one who can't even talk to her nominal boss.

I tell you one thing: I certainly wouldn't want to waste my time seeing her for emotional problems. She has too many of them herself.

 

[eiafykc]

Full of assumptions aren't you solidly here?

Counsellors are allowed to offload on friends. Being a counsellor, or in ministry, does not mean you don't have frustrations of your own. Believe it or not, some counsellors are very good counsellors while receiving counselling for an issue themselves. A good counsellor can leave their stuff at the door when working or recognise they should stop for a while when they can't.

My friend (and collegue) has talked to the pastor several times. They are aware of all issues. What I was thinking of saying to the pastor was something like, "Should we put R on the list for staff events? In her role the encouragement might be helpful and she does a lot here".

Some work places are frustrating and no amount of asking or talking resolves it. She has decided to investigate her options.

 

[Christler]

God Bless you counselor of the Most High God. I'm going to say something a little different from the others that have replied to your post. Do you not know who you are a counselor for? You are not just a counselor for your church, your Pastor, or for that congregation. You are a couselor for The Lord. God himself will supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory, don't look for man to exalt you for what you do for Christ. If it is a reward from man you are seeking you cannot expect to recieve a reward from the Lord. Tell your freind that if she is to work for the kingdom, do it as unto the Lord. Tell her to stop seeking positions, and pats on the back from man for her faithfulness unto the Lord. It could very well be The Lord's doing that she was not invited, so that she could see where she is spiritually in her service to the Lord. We can't be people who leave their church family just because someone hurt our feelings by not including us. We must know this.... That He who holds eternity has included us in The Lambs Book of Life.

 

[Solidlyhere]

The snippy OP responded: What I was thinking of saying to the pastor was something like, "Should we put R on the list for staff events?"

Yeah.

Well what else COULD she ask, that would get her invited to Staff events?

I STILL don't see the issue here.
1) The Counselor WANTS to go to Staff events;
2) She isn't invited to Staff events; so
3) She should ask to be invited to Staff events.

So, I agree.
Ask, and ye shall (probably) receive ... Don't ask, and ye ain't gonna get it.

OP, I can't figure out why you started a Thread about this.
Are you suggesting to us that you were REALLY torn about this issue?
If so, did you refuse to give your opinion to the Counselor, UNTIL you hear back from us?

Or, are you gonna use this feedback to FURTHER support the suggestion you ALREADY gave the Counselor about this?

 

[LilLamb219]

I would encourage her to go to the Pastor (or to the person who did the list of invites) and let that person know that the retreat sounds wonderful and she knows a lot of staff members are looking forward to attending. Then she could ask if there is room for a non-staff counselor to join in to lend and receive support and that if there is a cost, she would be willing to pay for it. All they could do is say No to her, but they might say Yes. Then her next dilemma would concern who would watch the kids while she's gone?

 

[Nom De Guerre]

There were many, many, days while I first become a Christian in which people offered me little proof of the reality which is Christ, instead they offered me salvation amongst anguish in their lives, frustration which spilled upon me for not being as 'knowledgeable' as they were; it led me to feeling greatly disappointed in myself and eventually caused me to thirst and desire the proof that God is the only judgement I need(ed).

I'm sure I could go on and on about how people sometimes lack the social insight into other people's feelings and even attempt to psychoanalyze the minds of the people involved in this scenario; but I don't think that's going to be effective.

I know what it's like to be a counsellor as well, and it can be difficult to sit and talk to people for hours upon hours about their difficulties; but what I gained from sharing in their trials was their eventual triumphs as well; and bringing a smile on a person's face is often all we really desire[as a counsellor], and after that a counsellor also wants to be made to feel accepted into a place where we thought that acceptance came freely...

Offer your friend to take a day out of her regiments to take her own walk with the Lord, he knows her heart and desires for her to call upon him; one on one time is what she desires, to be heard. Walk freely and talk freely with He who knows you best, is my solution here; maybe she can find out that what she really needs is just some extra time to find something which will help ease her mind as well.


Grace and peace be upon you.