what are you feeling right now? (2)

[srjoanna]

right now... I'm feeling far too many things...
Would just like it, to not feel a thing...just for a while..
Some peace....
no such thing..
I'm just tired of not knowing who I am anymore.
And, guilt...plenty of that.

 

[~Jennifer~]

Many many Sister Joanna, I certainly know how you feel. Your always in my thoughts and prayers and everyone here is too. God Bless.

right now... I'm feeling far too many things...
Would just like it, to not feel a thing...just for a while..
Some peace....
no such thing..
I'm just tired of not knowing who I am anymore.
And, guilt...plenty of that.

 

[aflower4God]

Many things I wonder why things happen the way they do, but the biggest thing I wonder MORE THAN ANYTHING IS WHY WHY WHY does God still keep me on this earth, I AM RUBBISH, NO GOOD AWFUL, CRAPPY! TRUST ME, I KNOW, God is perfect yes but ONE IDDY BITTY MISTAKE CREATING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAD AND FRUSTRATED AT GOD!
He takes the good away but keeps people like ME in this world, WHAT IS WRONG WITH.
HELLO JESUS WAKE UP TIME TO TAKE ME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!

 

[~Jennifer~]

Has any bodydy been so tired that they can't fall asleep? I have been like this all week, I think my mind is racing (more Klonopin) between VBS, Soccer and getting news about being a diabetic on medication I guess that's why I can't sleep but the whole good thing about this week is VBS and I will do it again next year I said I couldn't back out on God and I kept my word. I enjoyed it so much. As always, everyone is in my thought's and prayers many many and God Bless.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Negative self-speak is so destructive and can cause someone in a depressed state to spiral even more. Learning how to stop the negative self-speak is absolutely necessary in our journey to recovery with depression, IMO. Here are some ways to conquer negative self-speak that I find very helpful and pray that y'all do, too. &

This excerpt is taken from this link - Healing Self-Hate / Self-Destructive Patterns

I have not read the entire site, so I wanted to add a disclaimer that I do not necessarily endorse the site or its contents. But, I did find the message below to be very helpful.

Interrupting the Pattern

It is extremely easy to fall into the negative thought patterns of self-hate, and so it's important to have some tools to interrupt the ways that mind acts in collusion with self-hate. We have to interrupt that negative self-talk. When the pattern starts running its litany of things you've done wrong, or ways you are unworthy, you need to have ways to stop the record from playing.

Of course, if you can, the best thing to do is let yourself cry at the moment you realize the pattern is playing. But sometimes it's so strong and so entrenched that it's hard, if not impossible to stop. Some things to try:

• Do something different from your norm. Jump up and dance, do push-ups, throw paint on a wall, turn on some music that touches your heart. The idea here is not to distract you from your feelings, but to interrupt the critical voice that runs, to stop the round-robin rut that mind gets into. Always remember, getting to ignition is the goal.
• Talk Back to it. This is one of the best techniques for getting past resistance. The self-hate pattern says, basically, "You suck". Try talking back to it. Say things like "I'm wonderful, I'm the most loveable and valuable person in the world!" Say it loud and with as much feeling as you can muster. What will happen, if you allow it, is the feelings of self-loathing will rise up. You'll feel it as an urge to laugh when you say these "ridiculous" things about yourself. Or you might feel it as anger, an angry voice that says "No, I'm not wonderful or loveable, I'm crap!" If you can let the feelings come further to the surface, they will begin to cry, either as grief-type self-loathing, or rage-type self-hate. Or both! Let it come, let it surface and cry, for as long as you can.
• Talk WITH it. Similar to the method above, this one lets you take the maudlin self-hate pattern and exaggerate it, make it bigger and worse, as bad as you can possibly imagine. You may get some tears with this method also. Or it may just make you laugh, which is perfectly acceptable. It's one way to interrupt the pattern & stop the record from playing over and over again.
• Release judgments, set goals & visualize. The other tools we've offered are an important part of the healing process, and can come in handy here. Use Tool 3 and Tool 4 to set goals and release the old judgments and beliefs that mind holds. Visualize yourself as a worthy, powerful person. Write down self-loving affirmations and tack them to your walls and refrigerator doors. By doing these things you are setting the stage for self-love. And then be sure to allow the players to enter the arena, allow the parts that are feeling the pain of self-hate, blame and shame to speak and cry and remember.

 

[srjoanna]

too tired to even think about what I feel..
(huge headache)

 

[FaithPrevails]

too tired to even think about what I feel..
(huge headache)

Lifting you up in prayer. Your post made me think of one of my favorite verses:

Isaiah 40:30-31 (New International Version)



30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.


&

 

[TomCS]

too tired to even think about what I feel..
(huge headache)

 

[Steffenfield]

Has any bodydy been so tired that they can't fall asleep? I have been like this all week, I think my mind is racing (more Klonopin) between VBS, Soccer and getting news about being a diabetic on medication I guess that's why I can't sleep but the whole good thing about this week is VBS and I will do it again next year I said I couldn't back out on God and I kept my word. I enjoyed it so much. As always, everyone is in my thought's and prayers many many and God Bless.

Dear, I hope in your condition you are able to be active enough to excercise and lose some weight.

You don't want your condition to get worse and become insulin dependent.

I can't imagine how tough this month has been for you.

 

[~Jennifer~]

Thank Steffenfied, I plan to pick up my walking again August 1 (just an easier date to remember when I started) I lost 7lbs just by getting off of Dr. Pepper and the whole family is going to start eating right.

Dear, I hope in your condition you are able to be active enough to excercise and lose some weight.

You don't want your condition to get worse and become insulin dependent.

I can't imagine how tough this month has been for you.

 

[~Jennifer~]

Well, I took my *new* diabetic medication this morning it made me sleepy so I took a 3 hour nap, I woke up feeling like I got sleep and now I want to go back to bed again. I bet another reason I'm feeling this way is because I may be dehydrated I know my signs of dehydration so when I get home tonight I will be drinking water. Tomorrow I can't sleep in we need to go to the grocery store very early in the morning because we have a soccer cookout to go to at noon, it will be very hot and I told the kids that we were only staying a couple of hours, I might just drop them off and leave them there with their coach.

Tired, tired, tired

 

[Elvenkind]

I feel like using a sledgehammer on my appartment and something sharp on myself.

 

[srjoanna]

I feel like using a sledgehammer on my appartment and something sharp on myself.

(((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))))) sweetie...

many

 

[srjoanna]

so lost..
so empty..
so guilty..

(forgive me for saying the same things over and over)

 

[Jeshu]

so lost..
so empty..
so guilty..

(forgive me for saying the same things over and over)

Dear sister you are fully forgiven

Heeding guilt and shame creates a bottomless pit underneath you, I've been there myself for years, like you say it is awful.

However God's Loving Truth, Jesus Christ, can get us out of our pain and misery and replace it with His goodness, no matter how low you have to be, His loving Truth is awesome.

I dressed myself with His Word and His undying love over us and have been able to stay out of that horrible pit even when deeply depressed. The hardest part for me has been to love myself and forgiving myself for being mentally ill.


Honestly true, serving Loving Truth instead of being force fed lying misery has incredible results no matter how bad things are or have been.


Much love your way.

Gerry

(Think about this Psalm living in you - for He is The Living Word - when you are down there - so much better than being forced to heed guilt and shame all the time - that's for sure.)

Psalm 98

A psalm.

Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him. The LORD has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;
make music to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,
with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
shout for joy before the LORD, the King.
Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy;

let them sing before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

 

[aflower4God]

Well, I took my *new* diabetic medication this morning it made me sleepy so I took a 3 hour nap, I woke up feeling like I got sleep and now I want to go back to bed again. I bet another reason I'm feeling this way is because I may be dehydrated I know my signs of dehydration so when I get home tonight I will be drinking water. Tomorrow I can't sleep in we need to go to the grocery store very early in the morning because we have a soccer cookout to go to at noon, it will be very hot and I told the kids that we were only staying a couple of hours, I might just drop them off and leave them there with their coach.

Tired, tired, tired

Praying for you my dear sweet loving sister!

I feel like using a sledgehammer on my appartment and something sharp on myself.

NO YOU DON'T you are a wonderful sweet loving caring and kind person, I like seeing you around here on CF, you are a joy and a WONDERFUL person that God has made, I would be deeply sadden to see something happened to you, PLEASE My dear sweet loving brother don't do anything to yourself, you are a really kind person!!!! I will pray for you. GOD BLESS YOU and LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU {{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

so lost..
so empty..
so guilty..

(forgive me for saying the same things over and over)

No need to be forgiven my dear sweet loving sister, you have every right to say the same thing over and over, I am glad that you are getting your feelings out even if it is the same thing over and over, there is NOTHING wrong with that my dear sweet loving sister, PLEASE remember that. , God will help take away any guilt, God is your forever light when feeling lost and God is ALWAYS with you my dear sweet loving kind friend and sister.
Praying for you as well and always. GOD BLESS YOU and LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU {{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[srjoanna]

Dear sister you are fully forgiven

Heeding guilt and shame creates a bottomless pit underneath you, I've been there myself for years, like you say it is awful.

However God's Loving Truth, Jesus Christ, can get us out of our pain and misery and replace it with His goodness, no matter how low you have to be, His loving Truth is awesome.

I dressed myself with His Word and His undying love over us and have been able to stay out of that horrible pit even when deeply depressed. The hardest part for me has been to love myself and forgiving myself for being mentally ill.


Honestly true, serving Loving Truth instead of being force fed lying misery has incredible results no matter how bad things are or have been.


Much love your way.

Gerry

(Think about this Psalm living in you - for He is The Living Word - when you are down there - so much better than being forced to heed guilt and shame all the time - that's for sure.)

Psalm 98

A psalm.

Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him. The LORD has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;
make music to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,
with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
shout for joy before the LORD, the King.
Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy;

let them sing before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

thank you so much for this..
You are so right, I know..

Just wish I could feel some of it in my heart....

I dont though...

God willing one day, I will again...

many thanks..

Love Sr.Joanna

 

[srjoanna]

not strong enough..

 

[Steffenfield]

Thank Steffenfied, I plan to pick up my walking again August 1 (just an easier date to remember when I started) I lost 7lbs just by getting off of Dr. Pepper and the whole family is going to start eating right.

Yay!

Good for you sweetie.

With the proper diet and exercise, you might no longer be a type II diabetic.

It's really good to hear that you're fighting back on this.

-James

 

[derek W L]

i went to sleep at about 9:00, it is 2:30 in the middle of the night and i cant sleep, and i feel depressed