Wanting to become asexual??

[thenewageriseth]

I am DEAD serious, don't make fun. I am tired of feeling inadequate about the opposite sex, tired of getting tiresome and unrequited crushes on people who I know are TOTALLY out of my league, and I have no way, whatsoever-(IN HELL) of connecting with these guys or vice versa, tired of seeing immature "boys" (not men) around me who want to date me (and not the ones I actually am into), tired of LUST,and tired of wishing I wasn't alone.
How do you achieve asexuality quickly? Is it a gradual state of mind?
PLEASE? Anyone got any ideas? I think I have RUN MY COURSE IN HETEROSEXUALITY....

I mean, for one thing, I can focus on other things in my life without worrying about the opposite sex...like my CAREER aspirations for example...

It just ain't fair. Sorry...I hope I don't sound childish but I deserve FAR better than what I have been getting...

 

[thenewageriseth]

Anyone???

 

[AnyaMa]

1 Cor 7:1
Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

---
So you see it is good to be celibate, but God is happy for you either way you choose to go. You dont need to swear off guys forever! Just take a break from them, and do as you said, focus on your career and all that. Usually, as soon as you stop looking, the guys come running. Pray and ask God to bring you someone special, and ask him to give you the strength to stay single as you wait. Or to be single forever, if thats what you choose. Then just relax and let God do the work for you!

 

[JesusFreak2008]

Bo Peep,

You have the right to focus on yourself and not other men. I too know what your going through, some men just dont know how to grow up..

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I"m in the same boat! Men have never been attracted to me and the ones who 'supposedly' are usually come with ulterior motives/desperation and aren't the kind of guys I'd want to date. Every crush I've ever had has gone unrequited too. Sometimes I feel like I can turn off the feelings and other times it's harder than heck! My problem is being around other people. I ALWAYS feel inadequate around others. Others seem to have no problem having a social/dating life and I feel like life has already passed me by. If I could just turn off ALL feelings and become ASEXUAL, I think I could live a much more content life. I wish I had some advice for you. Unfortunately, all I can offer at this time is understanding. I've considered getting back on anti-depressants and taking a high enough dosage to kill any sexual desires I may have. I just hate the overall zombie feeling I have on them.

 

[Mythriadier]

1 Cor 7:1
Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

---
So you see it is good to be celibate, but God is happy for you either way you choose to go. You dont need to swear off guys forever! Just take a break from them, and do as you said, focus on your career and all that. Usually, as soon as you stop looking, the guys come running. Pray and ask God to bring you someone special, and ask him to give you the strength to stay single as you wait. Or to be single forever, if thats what you choose. Then just relax and let God do the work for you!

I second that response... Jesus heals all wounds and that means emotional ones too.... I was wanting to not be single back when I was. and then I quit looking, prayed for God to provide me a wife.... and a week later I re-met an old friend who later became my wife... we've been happily married fro over 5 years now!

Be blessed and look to the Father! God is our heavenly provider!

 

[thenewageriseth]

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I"m in the same boat! Men have never been attracted to me and the ones who 'supposedly' are usually come with ulterior motives/desperation and aren't the kind of guys I'd want to date. Every crush I've ever had has gone unrequited too. Sometimes I feel like I can turn off the feelings and other times it's harder than heck! My problem is being around other people. I ALWAYS feel inadequate around others. Others seem to have no problem having a social/dating life and I feel like life has already passed me by. If I could just turn off ALL feelings and become ASEXUAL, I think I could live a much more content life. I wish I had some advice for you. Unfortunately, all I can offer at this time is understanding. I've considered getting back on anti-depressants and taking a high enough dosage to kill any sexual desires I may have. I just hate the overall zombie feeling I have on them.

Hi there. I recall some of your posts, yes. I sympathize with u...
So which anti-depressants do the job? *curious*

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I second that response... Jesus heals all wounds and that means emotional ones too.... I was wanting to not be single back when I was. and then I quit looking, prayed for God to provide me a wife.... and a week later I re-met an old friend who later became my wife... we've been happily married fro over 5 years now!

Be blessed and look to the Father! God is our heavenly provider!

STILL waiting for some kind of relief from God. I tried marriage once and it was a HORRIBLE mistake. Spouse rejected me from the get-go. Turns out he was gay and just looking for a way to cover it up so his legalistic family wouldn't find out. He never 'officially' confessed this to me. But now that one of his parents is deceased...he let the secret out.

I can't imagine God wanting me to ever marry again but I sure wish he'd take away a lot of the feelings that I have so it wouldn't be so frustrating/painful. There have been times I've had suicidal thoughts because of this.

No offence but it seems that people who have relationships simply don't understand or have forgotten. Some of us have ALWAYS been rejects so to me, there is no redemption from God about this matter. For some, there is. Hopefully for the OP there is, but for me...there isn't. Some days I simply wish I'd cease to exist. I really wouldn't be missed anyway.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Hi there. I recall some of your posts, yes. I sympathize with u...
So which anti-depressants do the job? *curious*

I've only been on the generic version of Prozac. Currently 40mg (I think 80 is the max). I can't say it works 100% of the time and honestly I wonder about the 'sexual side effects.' I think it seems to affect men more than women.




I can only hope that I can turn back into a zombie enough to no longer care. I think for ME, that's the only relief.

 

[Everlasting33]

I am DEAD serious, don't make fun. I am tired of feeling inadequate about the opposite sex, tired of getting tiresome and unrequited crushes on people who I know are TOTALLY out of my league, and I have no way, whatsoever-(IN HELL) of connecting with these guys or vice versa, tired of seeing immature "boys" (not men) around me who want to date me (and not the ones I actually am into), tired of LUST,and tired of wishing I wasn't alone.
How do you achieve asexuality quickly? Is it a gradual state of mind?
PLEASE? Anyone got any ideas? I think I have RUN MY COURSE IN HETEROSEXUALITY....

I mean, for one thing, I can focus on other things in my life without worrying about the opposite sex...like my CAREER aspirations for example...

It just ain't fair. Sorry...I hope I don't sound childish but I deserve FAR better than what I have been getting...

Perhaps I can empathize with you: Sounds like you feel life has been unfair and you want your turn at a happy and healthy relationship---hey, why not? There are so many people in happy and healthy relationships and you want a piece of that too! You're tired of dead end's, inadequacy, guys you don't like who are into you, and liking guys that you feel are too good for you. Personal dissatisfaction, disappointment, discouragement, and frustration are only making you even more miserable.

Feeling inadequate for year will only exasperate any interpretations that you have seen within the dating area. Before dating, I would highly recommend working on your self-esteem so that you are more confident and self-assured around men. I think right now you carry this burden that says, "oh I am inadequate, I am not as pretty, etc" and it has already caused you great distress.

I would suggest therapy that would help analyze the expectations that you have for yourself and others. What are your goals and aspirations? What makes you most happy? What makes you feel the most inadequate? What would a relationship bring to the table in regards to your self-esteem?

I don't believe you want to be asexual but rather it is a last resort from additional pain, rejection, disappointment, and validation of your perceived inadequacy.

You are very much capable of attaining a happy and healthy relationship. Hey, why not? However, self-love and acceptance must come first in any and every relationship before it can be happy and healthy!

 

[Lady Bug]

I am DEAD serious, don't make fun. I am tired of feeling inadequate about the opposite sex, tired of getting tiresome and unrequited crushes on people who I know are TOTALLY out of my league, and I have no way, whatsoever-(IN HELL) of connecting with these guys or vice versa, tired of seeing immature "boys" (not men) around me who want to date me (and not the ones I actually am into), tired of LUST,and tired of wishing I wasn't alone.
How do you achieve asexuality quickly? Is it a gradual state of mind?
PLEASE? Anyone got any ideas? I think I have RUN MY COURSE IN HETEROSEXUALITY....

I mean, for one thing, I can focus on other things in my life without worrying about the opposite sex...like my CAREER aspirations for example...

It just ain't fair. Sorry...I hope I don't sound childish but I deserve FAR better than what I have been getting...

heck no - can't make fun of something like this because I'm in exactly the same boat.

there is no way that someone can convince themselves to be asexual I guess - I'm so bad in this that I unfortunately engaged in cybersex a few days ago - talk about extreme loneliness. (please don't do what I did)

the only way we can curb (well...at least TRY to) our suffering is to probably get rid of so many things that may contribute to our temptations - get rid of the tv shows we watch that contribute or the music that contributes - anything that might cause us to suffer more.

I haven't been able to do all this - I get suicidal when I see people kissing, for example! can you believe this:

I am 28 and I have never been on one date in my entire life - have never had one guy like me who I have liked back - and I am on the brink of giving up hope - but I know that if I do - I might end up mortally hurting myself. (I am bad at social interaction with men - blech)...I'm always suicidal and it is getting worse with each passing year. I can't get a job if my life depended on it if I got a job I could afford meds even though I am weary of meds- people just won't hire me - that's a long story but I am sick of the world's standards in evaluating whether someone is a good potential employee - they don't look into my heart - because the employers themselves NEED a heart first in order to see whether I have one.

I have gotten frustrated with those who say they didn't get married til such and such an age and that age is younger than I am!

 

[Little Sapling]

well..God knows..what's best...

maybe desires that you want aren't really the best for you...

could it simply be under God's grace that he wants to shield his daughter..
or..that he wants you to get your heart back on center with jesus..
yeah..i've had experiences like this before and im familiar with the sting of dissapointment.. it went on like this for year's until i finally had to put my foot down and asked myself where i was going to put my heart in.. the uncertainty of other people's hands ....or jesus?

 

[MuidSaoirse]

I am DEAD serious, don't make fun. I am tired of feeling inadequate about the opposite sex, tired of getting tiresome and unrequited crushes on people who I know are TOTALLY out of my league, and I have no way, whatsoever-(IN HELL) of connecting with these guys or vice versa, tired of seeing immature "boys" (not men) around me who want to date me (and not the ones I actually am into), tired of LUST,and tired of wishing I wasn't alone.
How do you achieve asexuality quickly? Is it a gradual state of mind?
PLEASE? Anyone got any ideas? I think I have RUN MY COURSE IN HETEROSEXUALITY....

I mean, for one thing, I can focus on other things in my life without worrying about the opposite sex...like my CAREER aspirations for example...

It just ain't fair. Sorry...I hope I don't sound childish but I deserve FAR better than what I have been getting...

You are very honest more than many would be. All i can offer is my own journey... that being when one becomes one's own best friend (me & God for me) and don't flee sitting still we lose alot of the angst and torment stuff. It's OK to be single, OK to be over it all, OK to wade through meaningless days & nights because if one holds on one gets through to higher ground. See what we think others have scored in relationships is not often what we know... ppl are lonely and screwed up in relationships too... I also think when we focus too much on getting what we want we somehow negate or screw it all up...

 

[Wackotic]

Offering my sympathies. And yeah, I get more or less immature guys who want to date me (and am sort of in such a relationship which I want out of but don't want to lose the friendship and don't want to lose the opportunity to get him to come to church and maybe find God.). I've lost hope of hooking up with someone I'm actually interested in so I've decided I'd be happiest living the unmarried life and try to stay single. But yeah, I'm hardly attracted to most guys anyway which makes me think I'm simply picky or something's not right with me.